Happiness...

When i try to capture the essence of happiness, contentment and joy.. its such a difficult undefinable task. I went to Atlanta this past weekend and it was just a wonderful, refreshing experience of excitement, culture, history and a city alive with character..

Yet, when something in your life plagues you.. no matter how much joy or happiness you find in a particular event.. all else is clouded by the one thing that overshadows your soul.

A very dear friend of mine once told me that life is like a chair, you need all the components for it to work, and though they are all equal in importance, some you pay less attention to than others and if just ONE leg is missing the WHOLE chair does not work...

Happiness does not come from any single trait or success or event.. but rather a collection of qualities and experiences in life that make up all the ingredients that you need to be happy. And to everyone that is something completely different. I read somewhere that life is not a check-list.. its an experience that when you absorb yourself in it - enjoy the great stuff, learn to work through the bad stuff and keep away from the mediocre stuff.. you might find the balance and the essence of what it is that makes you happy and feel like you are living a rewarding, fulfilling and meaninful life.

Even though my life here in Charlotte on a day to day basis is not world-shaking at this stage.. i spend my days doing my chores, breakfast, lunch and dinner, doing our shopping and making sure all the little things are taking care of, I browse through bookstores, seeing and learning somethng new, i talk to people, and just relaxing and experiencing atleast one new activity every day albeit on a very small scale... i still feel as if i have purpose and direction.

These two fundamental components accompanied by passion are very important to me as a person.

Another little story about me...
At the beginning of last year my hair started falling out.. having gone through a tortureous year of treatments and uncertainty and loss of self esteem.. one tends to re-evaluate yourself and what is important to you and how you find happiness when something so seemingly superficial can make your whole life seem meaningless.

Ofcourse, the saga continues.. everyone seems to offer you advice all over the place, all of which you hang onto and appreciate, yet this one aspect seems to constantly be that one leg of my chair at every turn.

Is happiness really an inward thing then if externally circumstances can manage so easily to distract you from that joy and contentment in life? or is that just a focus that has gone away from what truly matters in life?

Living in such a calming peaceful place as Charlotte has afforded me the time an space to really mull over all of the above.

All i can say is.. i have felt myself whole and separated between here and South Africa.. my beloved home for which i will always long and be a part of...

But for now.. i can strongly say.. within challenges, surrounded by both beauty and uncertainty, being foreign and accepted.. i am happy.. i feel happy from within my soul.

Do you?