I went to Las Vegas last week which was a bittersweet experience. I experienced all the lights camera action of Vegas, but also came down with food poisoning which i would not wish upon my worst enemy. Vegas is not for those who are afraid of "seeing it all" and at every turn when you think you have seen it all something else makes your jaw drop!! LOL

I also enjoyed travelling, but these days the delays, the security checks, the turbulance and not to mention the bacteria you contract seems rather a high price to pay! Nevertheless, Las Vegas is like a fantasy land, it really feels as if you have escaped the real world.

I am currently in Denver, the snow starting to fall in this pretty bustling city set between the Rocky Mountains of Colorado and today i started thinking about these 8 months that i have been here in America.

It seems like i have experienced so much, yet if you ask me beside my travel and studies - what i have been doing, its very hard to define. I have had the opportunity to search myself, get in touch with who i am, what i am and what i want from life in these 8 months of "freedom" from the rat race, the "real world" and the stress of everyday routine...

I have spoken in earlier postings about moments of elation, moments of pain, moments of reflection and moments of just being.. and today i was thinking - have i "found" myself in this time that i have had to myself to just live and do whatever it is that i wake up and feel like doing? did i need to be found?

Well i didnt write another novel, i didnt change the world or save a life, i didnt become super rich or attain any superficial goals.. but i have learned how to reach inward and withdraw my life lessons - to truly be who i am.. to wake up everyday and feel that not only do i have a purpose - that i AM the purpose that i was created for.. if that makes sense to you then we see eye to eye.

I have often spent my life wanting to hold the whole world in my heart - but for the first time i really know what my heart is made of. In the simplicity of my circumstance i found the complexity of my dreams and my goals and my ideals.

I have felt my absolute aloneness and my undeniable belonging. We all long for a "home" and to belong to a place.. i set out wanting to know truly how to become intimate to become one with myself, my people, this world.. and the beginning of that was to look inward and see who i truly am and who i was meant to become. My voice in this world, in my circle of friends back home seems to have faded.. the sounds of all the declarations of my sincerest intentions have died and drifted with the wind of time as people "forget" your voice...

Yet i know now that this experience has given to me a pause before my next great exhale - when i breathe into being the next stage of my life...

Until then, i inhale and enjoy this experience that i am ever so grateful for. My life, my now.. America and me are one this day - with this people with whom i was not born, yet find a new identity in.. i will love until the sand of this time here has run out... I am at peace and whole in this moment.