Your Deep Sustenance
Wow 3 weeks have raced AND crawled by here in the USA and guess what? I am still standing! YAY having almost gotten the driving thing down, i feel a renewed sense of myself and confidence. I have experienced much of the nightlife here and the people of late and i am having a good time. I finally managed get a simcard and stick to a decent diet this week. So things are slowly starting to normalise.
On the relationship / friendship end things have been rather difficult - my heart kind of seems parted by the distance not only by the oceans, but the distance that some people have created toward me. Having said that - my family and friends and support structure have been phenomenal and i wish that i could share all of my adventures here with them in person...
Nevertheless.. today i talk about what sustains you..
Have you ever found yourself in a place where faith and hope cannot find you? What is it that sustains you when all that you have relied upon, inner and outer, falls away? how do you get through it and take the next breath?
To choose life we have to be willing to wait, open up to life and love at a time when opening up seems impossible and we are certain that nobody and nothing will ever be able to find us.
We need to stop and look around and that one thing or one person that we can lay upon and say "wait with me" through the pain and the struggle until i find hope again. When we expose ourselves to this kind of vulnerability, even if its in saying a small prayer everyday.. you are choosing life and choosing to woo hope and faith back...
What is your life dedicated to? what do you love more than your own happiness or your own pain?
My mum once told me that throughout my life i have always been the type of person that will accept things even when things are not that great - i will never complain. ... yet i have since learnt that its not in the silence of acceptance that we get through things, its in running toward and pursuing with passion the very beliefs that we are founded on that bring back the smile, the hope and the love in times of hurt or uncertainty.
I dedicate my small life to being FULLY here each day - to learning how to live well.. And it hurts sometimes so much that i want to die.... and give up...
And we all know.. all things come to an end... good or bad - its how you wait for the end of that circumstance that will determine the next step for you.
Can you love life and let love find you when you are lost?
Doing simple things in that waiting period - in those moments that feel like forever and finding small ways of picking up your end of the thread that links you to love and to life - even when i have NO hope or faith - that the end of the thread is always connected to something..
And love will always find you and re-sustain that knowing that you
are held together somehow, that you
are found, that you
are whole - THAT will bring you back to life and hope.
Find YOUR deep sustenance
This is dedicated to a very dear friend in South Africa who is going through such a moment in her life.. hang in there doll... (SS)
