You are what you are... nothing more..

nothing less... (St. Francis of Assisi)

9 Week Update

So its been 9 weeks for me in this Journey that i have embarked upon here in the USA... The weather is getting nice and hot and everyone is getting ready for summer. Every animal around has cute fluffy little babies. aaahh...

Well, everything that felt SO foreign to me only a few weeks ago - feel so familiar and so normal to me now. Both instances obviously has its advantages.. and disadvantages... I am currently in the phase that finally seems like home now. Its relaxing and refreshing to be able to know where everything is, able to drive without feeling brainless and understand what most things mean.

I am really enjoying living here. Its so peaceful and i have found that Living in the USA is really an idealistic life espeically for families. Everything is geared to making people's lives that much easier and better. Its really is a country "for the people". Although i am sure there is alot - i have not yet seen any hardship - most people here live above the breadline and live quite comfortably. From a South African perspective where povety and crime is just part of your life in some form or another - its so easy to live here and forget what that is like. So it makes me appreciate as well that i come from a country where we appreciate the small things in life that is quite a "norm" here. Not to say it is not appreciated here - its just easy to forget that there is a world out there that lives and survives on so much less.

Its even more important to me here to never forget where i come from and the things that i learnt within the boundaries of my heritage.

Ok, everyone has probably been wondering... NO i DONT even have a hint of an American accent yet! And i am sure i wont pick one up in the least. I dont feel the need to pronounce things the way they do at all. I seem to be very well understood (and my accent is practically worshipped here LOL jokes). So i work my uniqueness and the fact that i love saying "Ja" and "lekker" and calling people "doll" and making people feel intimidated by my accent! More power to me! But i might work a little fake one when i get back home (that comment will probably come back to bit me in the bum)...

I havent made any friends here really. In my situation - as i am not fully involved in something, its difficult to make friends. I do meet people in the malls, bookstores and places i go to. People make conversations very easily here. Today i went for a walk and met a nice guy walkng his fierce looking doberman dog... we laughed at my phobia of evil looking dogs.. but no the people i meet in malls and coffee shops - i hardly invite home or anything like that!

I chat to most of my friends on email, i call them or sms. Its of utmost importance to me to keep those connections, i do not believe that relationships survive without work, without effort and i value the few very good friends i have, on all the different shores. I love you guys.

So an update of where i have been to in the 9 weeks of being here besides travelling Charlotte flat:
Virgina / Virgina Beach, Richmond and Petersburg
Atlanta
South Carolina
DC (This coming weekend)

It doesnt seem like much, but if you consider how big this country is and that i only do my travels on weekends.. there is alot more to come. I have booked some concert tickets, Grand Prix tickets and i have my brochures and calendar lined up for much more...

My health has also finally started getting back into shape albeit slowly.. My skin has cleared up (mostly) after my delicious facial that cost me a freggin fortune..., my hair.. well nevermind thats another story, My allergies have cleared up completely. The only battle i have now is getting rid of the weight that i have gained thanks to the decadence of the USA (yes i blame them!!!!).

Ok ok i think i might have overshared on this posting.. just trying to keep it real dolls and answer all the questions that everyone has been asking me..um..

Oh - do I miss getting up at 6am and going off to a hectic day at the office??... um Nope not yet! LOL

The thing is - i know some people will say i will get bored soon, or that i am not getting enough intellectual stimulation. But you know, i have never been defined by the work that i do in my life. I have been a full-time student for 3 years, I have had hectic, stressful jobs, i have dedicated myself to volunteer community work for 1 1/2 years, i have been at home doing nothing but chores for 3 months in my quest for purpose, i have done nails day after day, i have done advertising and marketing and Entrepreneurship of a beauty salon, i have spent many years driving and escorting celebrities and important people even to the point of doing their shopping and laundry.. oh yes.. At no time did i feel like it was forever or it was all of who i am.

As i explore all the various dimensions of my life that i can possibly probe and be stretched and enlarged, my quest in life, is not to be a wonderer, but to find a destiny and a purpose in each of the tasks i choose until i have a final destination. And who's to say it has to be ONE particular thing? As long as i influence the people, i come across in a positive, challenging way and as long as i leave their lives and the tasks i hand over, with a spirit of excellence and mark of who i am and a smile and a good legacy. Then i have peace to move on.

Right now - i am also learning to become my own best friend again, to look inwardly and to enjoy my own company. Having the time to explore new and fresh talents - which i will share with you as the time goes on... bringing out a new, freshness of myself to this new world that i live in.. i revel in it and am SO thankful for the time and opportunity to have that.

When i had a few months off to do very little - i was so young and didnt appreciate myself as i do now - at my age i feel so much more sane, centered, appreciative of reality and the good things in life and the things that really matter to me and what really makes me ME.

I just wish my body would stay in the past as my soul and spirit and mind races into a fantastic future!......

By that mouthful y'all can see i have too much time on my hands huh? giggle giggle.... :-)

Original Truth

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth. "Marcus Aurelius


I certainly have researched ALOT of quotes and perspectives and opinions on what Truth is.. Since everyone has their own take on this concept – does Original pure truth really exist?

I watched the Da Vinci code and the movie had me thinking about how many things in life are a truth that appeals to one person and not to another.. And I wondered is there really a universal truth out there of some kind that is unmistakable and undisputable.

Some people will argue that their religious believe, conviction and resolve is ultimate truth, Strictly speaking: Questions, commands, and exclamations are neither true nor false, because they do not make claims about objective reality. When truth is deemed dependent upon the person or culture holding the belief, anything can become "true,"

Truth is what corresponds to reality.

In my previous postings.. I have said in many different ways – that I want to find and be found and live with intimacy and reality… but when someone looks at my life and the situations I face in life they might say that I am living somewhat of a surreal life and that I cannot emphatically state that I live in TRUTH and honesty as it is only MY truth and MY reality.

My thinking is if you are going to cocoon every person to their own reality and their own world, no person will take accountability nor refute anything in life.

As I am a person of very specific convictions in life.. I offer this thought on truth…

If you believe that truth is in the “eye of the beholder” then does it really matter? Do the decisions you make in life based on your specific truth mean what you think it means – if it only means that to you? How can man live with purpose and direction with such a mediocre resolve?

Truth is not subjective, elusive, and ephemeral. It is objective, glorious, demanding, exalting, and, ultimately in some aspect of life there must be a truth that supersedes opinion…

mmmm…

A BLAST FROM MY PAST...

Me in Venice... 2005
Me in London baby... 2005
Me in Dubai... 2004
Me doing a photoshoot... 2003
Me with Short hair...2002
The livingroom of the house i grew up in.. a long time ago...

Sunny poem....

Sweet Dawn,

The beauty of your dawn awakes my senses
My sleep a memory renewed to life
I feel, I awake slowly to my reality
A smile, a laugh, a grimace
My day draws to me
A sunshine, a vein
A ray of new hope
Before me I look into the open book
Unwritten pages of today
Take deep breath, draw in
My slumber long forgotten
New day you seduce my soul with your
Purity and wonder
What do you hold within your palm?

As day break closes
Eyes closed, the dawn draws curtain
On another day
An empty page now full and written
What oh pray have I written on today?
Good or bad..
To be buried forever
I lay my head upon your breast, oh night
Who brings me peace from the reality
Good, bad, iron or roses
I rest in you, in hope
In hope of the beauty of your dawn again
Another day to fill my life with…

Weekend Fun,

Walks, brunch and drives around Lake Norman. Visits to the Energy Explorium, Nuclear Power plant.. Just a fun, easy weekend...

May 17, 2006
Last night I went to an American baseball game, it was really fun, I tasted some funnel cake and had a hot dog, wore a baseball cap and screamed "uh huh" with all the other rowdy Americans. When a latino lady started shouting in Latin we echoed in Afrikaans. It was great fun....

Over the weekend I went to a Car show here in Charlotte caled "Hot Import nights" it was very cool. Here are some cool pictures...

OH and I rescued a snake! yay a very pretty one.. ok ok rescued is a strong word.. I filmed it crossing the road into a drain actually! I took a video clip which i will attempt to cut and paste onto here.. so something to look forward to.....

New Poem # 1

Beloved never forgotten

I search for peace

In this hollow soul

Will i find once again and be found

My very being hides dormant

In the shadows of my broken dreams

unspoken, unwritten

Where emptiness is imprisoned

in you - i cry

but no tears escape my empty shell

An iron fist of anger forgotten, why hold on

why let go

when all emotion eludes me i want to feel

the anger.. but all that is left is void

in my abyss I breathe.. my breath dies

with the passion left behind

Chained to this darkness

who will hold a cup

to my poured out soul

i look deep into the darkness

on my knees

i find that i am alone

once more

Copywrite: Jade

One thing i have learned in my 2 months here in the USA (among a thousand other things ofcourse).. is that the grass is never greener... its just different. Relationships mean more than money, security and the things we think make us who we are....

Ok someone who read my blog told me that i am too intense! So my weekend was cool, i did alot of socialising, i went to a car show called Hot import nights, it was very cool its amazing how little clothing people wear to these events LOL! Mental note made...

I watched the GP as well... well done to the Blue team.. dont get too smug though hey.. the red is hot on your heels.

This week my plan is to find a place to do some volunteer work and meet a new person.... its quite a challenge where i currently live.. so i will keep you posted...

My next post will be some more useless / useful information.. I wrote 2 poems today and will post those when you have gotten bored of my "everyday" type posts enough to read something a little soulful again HAHAHA

This is a pic of San Marc Square that i took in Venice last year on my 30th Birthday.. ooops am i not suppose to give that away?.....

Luv ya all

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,

I all alone beweep my outcast state,

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,

And look upon myself, and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,

Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,Haply I think on thee—and then my state,

Like to the lark at break of day arising From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;

For thy sweet love rememb'red such wealth brings

That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

William Shakespeare

Some pictures of Atlanta. A very lively city: Rich with American History and also absorbed in a newness of everything modern. Filled with art, architecture and beautiful universities, parks and lots to see and do. its a MUST place to visit...

Happiness...

When i try to capture the essence of happiness, contentment and joy.. its such a difficult undefinable task. I went to Atlanta this past weekend and it was just a wonderful, refreshing experience of excitement, culture, history and a city alive with character..

Yet, when something in your life plagues you.. no matter how much joy or happiness you find in a particular event.. all else is clouded by the one thing that overshadows your soul.

A very dear friend of mine once told me that life is like a chair, you need all the components for it to work, and though they are all equal in importance, some you pay less attention to than others and if just ONE leg is missing the WHOLE chair does not work...

Happiness does not come from any single trait or success or event.. but rather a collection of qualities and experiences in life that make up all the ingredients that you need to be happy. And to everyone that is something completely different. I read somewhere that life is not a check-list.. its an experience that when you absorb yourself in it - enjoy the great stuff, learn to work through the bad stuff and keep away from the mediocre stuff.. you might find the balance and the essence of what it is that makes you happy and feel like you are living a rewarding, fulfilling and meaninful life.

Even though my life here in Charlotte on a day to day basis is not world-shaking at this stage.. i spend my days doing my chores, breakfast, lunch and dinner, doing our shopping and making sure all the little things are taking care of, I browse through bookstores, seeing and learning somethng new, i talk to people, and just relaxing and experiencing atleast one new activity every day albeit on a very small scale... i still feel as if i have purpose and direction.

These two fundamental components accompanied by passion are very important to me as a person.

Another little story about me...
At the beginning of last year my hair started falling out.. having gone through a tortureous year of treatments and uncertainty and loss of self esteem.. one tends to re-evaluate yourself and what is important to you and how you find happiness when something so seemingly superficial can make your whole life seem meaningless.

Ofcourse, the saga continues.. everyone seems to offer you advice all over the place, all of which you hang onto and appreciate, yet this one aspect seems to constantly be that one leg of my chair at every turn.

Is happiness really an inward thing then if externally circumstances can manage so easily to distract you from that joy and contentment in life? or is that just a focus that has gone away from what truly matters in life?

Living in such a calming peaceful place as Charlotte has afforded me the time an space to really mull over all of the above.

All i can say is.. i have felt myself whole and separated between here and South Africa.. my beloved home for which i will always long and be a part of...

But for now.. i can strongly say.. within challenges, surrounded by both beauty and uncertainty, being foreign and accepted.. i am happy.. i feel happy from within my soul.

Do you?

Charlotte City Centre.. A city rich in art, culture and architecture...

I had a wonderful visit this week with my friends in Virginia Beach. There is something refreshing about familiarity even though when you are actually surrounded by all that you have ever known, you long for something new.. thats the irony of life i guess.

We talked from our hearts and shared our lives and dreams with each other and that was the best part of my trip. Being away from everyone who knows me inside - its hard to not be able to share yourself fully - so that was really nice. And ofcourse to be understood. We also went shopping and did fun things and i tried my maternal hand with Jonathan - 5 year old, with an 8 year old intellect and vocabulary! Its been a memorable time for me.

I am using this week to relax and just arrange my thoughts and just reflect on everything in life, i feel that it is so important not to allow our experiences to go by without being fully absorbed by them.

I have been asked this question alot lately - do i miss home...I think ultimately, as i prepare for my next road trip, for the next day in my life, in the unwritten page of tommorrow, i think that in some or other way i will always miss home, always miss those pieces of my history that make up who i am, but my heart is at peace here for how, i have found a temporary home in the newness and adventure of my current life.

There is only one thing missing... and i hope when that person reads this, they will know that i mean them...

xxx