Oh Christmas Tree.. Oh Christmas Tree.. with faithful leaves unchanging...

Well, it is Christmas eve and i am in Washington, DC spending the weekend and celebrating Christmas with family. Whenever i sit and take a breath to contemplate why i do things, it leads me to that inward path of reflection... Christmas in South Africa and in my family has always been more of a time of summertime fun. Its never been a gift exchange and food exchange affair.. but then i wonder, why do it at all, its become such a wordwide pressurized and commercialized tradition that if you do not do what "they all" do.. it seems as if there is something wrong with you...

But then, at the same time, i realize that in the age we live in, people really DO need a reason to get together and just be with each other, smiling and sharing and giving.. with families spread all over various parts of the globe, i think that it's nice to come together and just have a day where you look at each other and you leave all your stress behind, give a gift and say "thank you". And regardless of how you choose to celebrate and spend it, its about the significance and the fact that you are connected to others... you belong to a very specific world, to a people and you are not alone in this world. And with all the drama that you anticipate in getting such a feast together, i realized it neither has to be gallant, well accoutred, nor finely disposed to perfection.. it just needs an openness to realizing whether you have family or dont have family, there is always something in life to celebrate and be thankful for.

And even in a quiet, alone kind of Christmas, there can be joy and a heart fulfilled with knowing, even where family is scarce, love never is.. because somewhere.. someone cares and is thinking of you.

Merry Christmas to all!!!

xxx

Snow!! Snow!! Snow!!

It is currently about -10c and you can not walk on any normal kind of shoes because it's muddy and gunky and slippery (but fluffy and white and pretty too!!)..

I have decided it's about time some scientist researcher person goes to the North Pole and go and check underneath the paws of those beautiful, fluffy ice-bears and see what makes them able to RUN in the snow and ice without breaking limbs.. and then invent it (without killing anything), and then pitch it to Jimmy Choo - so that we vain ladies don't have to walk in the goo with our designer pants tucked into our ugly snow boots (that probably doesnt match anything!!)... please - can someone help???

Moving right along... I made some soup which went wrong.. (How can a person botch up soup??).. Well, maybe since we are in the land where the water swirls the other way (i think here it goes down the drain anti-clockwise) - maybe i should be stirring the soup in a different direction? Who knows.

mysteries.. mysteries...

Department of Breath & Human Services

EMERGENCY ALERT!!!!!

Apparently according to a local newspaper in Denver … There is a whole department which investigates the state of the breath of Americans. It is reported by the SECRETARY of this department that this is becoming a worldwide (America) emergency!!

They are terming it a “full-blown stenchademic", according to Dr Guy Hammond, a leading researcher of smelliness! All research ofcourse accompanied by, pictures, stats and graphs.

One of the attempted solutions – which was distributing TicTacs to the most far reaching corners of the country where the deadly odor plague was infesting, failed, because hundreds were injured attempting to open the plastic boxes’ flip-action lids..

Haha Actually, I decided to post this article because it was so funny it made me laugh – that was the intent, actually “the Onion” is a ‘newspaper’ that publishes the most off the wall made-up articles, I guess its so that people can just laugh at themselves (and each other).. what a great idea and some humor I thought I would share!

God bless America!! :-)

Update - Week 94


It is December again!! My second December already in Denver, the snow has started to fall and the temperature has plummeted.

I read through all the posts on my blog since I started this journey of my life in the United States, and I have been through a lot. It has been one rollercoaster ride of joys and pains. Time truly does fly..

This would be update for week number 94!!!

There were times in my journey where I believed that I had solid judgement joined to the most unaffected simplicity and then I realised, life is not simple. Judgement, wisdom and character are sometimes eluded by simplicity. I sat today at my high chair, facing my computer, snowflakes dancing in the wind through the window behind me.. and I thought back to when I first came here and decided to recap my journey briefly:

It started off in Charlotte, North Carolina, this part of my life here was paralleled by learning, newness and feeling displaced and foreign and most of all lonely. Longing being a constant part of my days. Not being able to reach the sides of myself that I thought I so firmly had a grasp on for most of my life. I always felt I had an insufferable degree of assurance that my life was in my complete counsel and control, until I arrived in Charlotte.

Friends inquired many a time why I did not just return home at that stage, but that’s the thing about displacement, once it settles in your life at the appointed time.. It’s not a place that can change that.. you have to go through the experience until you find your peace. Then I moved to Denver, and still I felt that inquietude and apprehension which a strange place naturally inspires. And to make a repeatedly long story very short, after realizing that I am not an island, and made connections and actually ASKED for help, after many judicious reflections operated on my inner being and exhorbantly long exclamations to the deities - finally in about June of this year, my soul returned with good tiding of the beginning of the end of my distressed adventures!!

Ok, without sounding as if my entire experience has been a succession of melancholy! I have to say – had I not gone through this transition, I would probably not have appreciated how wonderful my life currently is. Ofcourse, in life, as we know, there are very rarely times when all the components of your life are without challenge. And I have learned to know challenge only strengthens my resolve to become more of who I am. And i am beyond seeking happiness and seeking to define it. Beyond the comparisons of happiness versus contentment and trying to define it.. beyond wondering which internal chambers hold peace and which are still restless... All the inconsistencies and all the contradictions that i attempt constantly to encapsulate, dissect and refute... i think for now (only for December, since it's Christmas and all).. i will accept as part of being alive, as part of the experience of exploring the endless depths of the human soul and of my own individuality.

So that was looking back.. now looking forward. With a lot of aspects of my life, finally solidified toward stability and being settled..

I am looking forward to an educational, productive year, that looks set to focus not as much internally on the things of the soul, but on improving the skills, the passions and the intellect that accompany that soul. Make a difference to myself, invest in my education and extend and enlarge myself in more areas than one.

Work is going exceptionally well, with my job profile shifting into an entirely new area, i look forward to the new learning and purpose within myself to excel and to focus on the balance of passions as well as newly acquired skills.

Ok, here is my confession of the day! Remember when i said my blog was going to change and i was going to display newly acquired imagined talents??.. well... i have not forgotten about it BUT - you know old Murphy.. the minute i decided to publicise my anticipated endeavours.. i found neither the time, nor the inspiration to deliver the goods!!!

So, i will have to make this my pending New Year's resolution.....

:-)

How can you see into my eyes like open doors

leading you down into my core where i've become so numb

without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there

and lead it back home

wake me up inside

wake me up inside

call my name and save me from the dark

bid my blood to run before i come undone

save me from the nothing i've become

Now that i know what i'm without you can't just leave me

breathe into me and make me real

bring me to life

wake me up inside

wake me up inside

call my name and save me from the dark

bid my blood to run before i come undone

save me from the nothing i've become

bring me to life frozen inside without your touch without your love darling

only you are the life among the dead all this sight i can't believe i couldn't see

Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems got to open my eyes to everything without a thought

without a voice

without a soul

don't let me die here there must be something more

bring me to life

wake me up inside

wake me up inside

call my name and save me from the dark

bid my blood to run before i come undone

save me from the nothing i've become

bring me to life

bring me to life

Song: Evanescence.

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other waythan this:

where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda

My South Africa....

1) Nelson Mandela Square at night

2) Me at Makiti Lodge

3) Cape Town

4) Me in my VR6 (vroom vroom)

5) Me and the gang

6) African Elephant :-)

Cognitive dissonance


Ok, so after a whole week of being back “home” in the USA, I am finally starting to feel less like a germ infested zombie.. and more human and more like Delise!

It’s always amazing to me how God has decided that my life will never be boring, emotionally or otherwise!! I have often wondered if that is just because I explore life so deeply by choice.. I DID after all make a bold declaration that I want to live with intimacy – be one with life – pain and joy right?? So once one makes such declarations, it seems life listens and takes up the challenge.

My trip home in detail:

I arrived on Saturday evening (Nov, 3rd) to a busy, deurmekaar airport. When I got myself a simcard and dragged my huge luggage outside, it was around 6pm and it was nearing sunset.. the first thing that captured me was the beautiful clear African sky. Honestly, in all my travels, I have yet to experience a similar beauty. I closed my eyes and listened to all the familiar languages around me and taking in the smell of the clean, crisp summer air.

The rest of the week was a bit of a blur really. I had appointments on top of each other. I felt like a frump because I had become so casual in my style being here in the US that everywhere I went seeing all the women in their Prada stilettos and strapless dresses was depressing!! Oh well, I didn’t even have time to ponder on that, as I had house to be sold, employees to see to, US consulate to suck up to (jokes), and people to catch up to and a wedding to attend. I spent a good amount of time with Ingrid and we had some real quality chats and good old Amarula!

Ofcourse, seeing my folks and eating my mum’s great food is like music in my soul….but the best part (no offense to family and friends) was when I climbed into my VR6 in my short little black dress and heels and minced down the highway – not even feeling foreign driving on the “other” side again – at 200 plus kilometers an hour ( I wont say the exact number in case I get into trouble!! Which I think its too late now cause after 200 – is there really levels of trouble one can be in?!?!). But that gave me such explosive joy, I couldn’t stop smiling for days!

Ok, so then, ofcourse I had to leave and 26 hours later after a painful, uncomfortable flight. I finally landed in Denver. While having a much needed and craved bath, I stopped for the first time to review my trip, my feelings, my experiences….

It’s very hard to admit failure to uphold your own spoken or unspoken integrity.. but after pondering in the land of regret for a while, having a pity party, I decided.. its ok to be weak. It’s ok to be human. It’s ok to make mistakes. And now, I am ok.

The Native Americans speak of an inner place in life called: Chui-ta-ka-ma this is the place of choiceless awareness, the place where it is clear which choice is a choice for life, where we can make no other. Sometimes, to choose life.. you need to experience a little death, to see light you need to be in a little darkness.. After my soul’s dark place… again once more on my road to discovering a deeper me and a truer life.. I am in Chui-ta-ka-ma.

Despite it all. I choose life. Again.

Out of Africa...



I have just returned from my whirlwind trip home - South Africa - i returned feeling like the dog's breakfast, sick with flu, missing my turtles, a house that needed cleaning and unpacking to do after having been in travel for 26 hours.. needless to say.. i have had better days!!!



But, that being said, on the upside, i had a really amazing trip. This time was rather different from the other few that i have taken since moving to the US, in that it was really rushed, really busy and so because of my lack of time, i could only fit in what i deemed was necessary.. family, friends and business...

Incidentally, i felt like i had more quality time with the people who i care about than other times when i had quantity. I guess life is funny that way..

So now i am back and i have alot of changes to make and things to settle into... So my bloggin will continue in due course.. :-)

!!!!! HOMEWARD BOUND !!!!!!!!

In 4 days from today (Oct, 29th) i will make my journey to South Africa...

Get ready!!!

When my eyes give up their last moments of slumber, and slowly open to the morning.. this is the first thing i see when i gaze through my bedroom window...

A Mountain's peak, the oceans' wave..
These are things that amaze
A river's song, a thunder sound
these are things that astound
from morning dew
to setting sun...

but when i awoke this morning - THIS view surpasses them all...

I'm in awe of the beauty of the morning moon giving her last smile to the rising sun who paints the skies and the mountain tops with its brilliant crimson pallets....

And i can just smile... have you ever seen beauty? Seems hard to find words when this is the start of your every day...

... Lord, have PERCY!!!!
VIVA Amabokoboko!!!!

Congrats to the South African Rugby Team who won the Rugby world Cup on Saturday..
We sat at Fado's Irish pub, in Denver Colorado - i proudly wore my (fake) South African Tshirt together with all the other South Africans who live here, the Brits and a few lost Aussies. it was a load of fun and excitement and to have SA win was the cherry on the cake for the day!!!!

And ofcourse to top off the weekend.. Kimi Raikonnen won the Drivers' Championship in Brazil, F1 - Go Team Ferrari!!!! Kimi is the first other Driver to win the Drivers championship for Ferrari since South African driver Jodi Shecter (Michael Schumacher has been the only other driver since to win the Drivers world championship for Ferrari in between those two!)
So go RED!!

Dead crickets in a tuna can – in my fridge!

I have been feeding my turtles anything and everything that they are allowed to eat, trying to steer clear of the ‘live” stuff. So then I tried giving them greens and fruit and they looked at me really funny – pulled up their noses (or beaks? What do you call them mouths? Who knows).. and they hated me for like a day. So, I walked into Petsmart and on a shelf I saw a little tuna can labeled “healthy alternative to live prey” so I read further and it sounded like it was some pellets or make believe food that tastes like crickets – I figured perfect! They will have that crickety taste that they love without me having to bring home a bag of live crickets that may escape into the house and start a nest fest! Yes I know – eeeeu!

So happily, I open the can, very easy, very simple and whoohoaaa arrgghh there are a bunch of REAL dead crickets in the can all nicely smooshed together side by side.. ek het myself dood ge-grill! So I quickly threw 4 into the tank and those bloody greedy turtles went wild! They loved it – and now what?

The can says “store excess in the fridge”…. Like hello…..

So yes…… Dead crickets in a tuna can – in my fridge!

FORGOTTEN!!!!

I actually just remembered the other two books that i read in late September that i managed to somehow accidentally omit from my October list!:

1) On a Pale Horse - Piers Anthony
This was a very Weird Sci-Fi book. Very well written

2) A Space Odysey - Arthur Clark

Not my usual genre, but i appreciated the work of the book

SO there you have it - i am NOT behind!! :-)

Chicago pictures have been added to the Chicago post....

October Book recommendation

I have only managed to read 3 this month, and i suspect from my pending flight back home (yay) - i wont be able to squeeze in any more.... so here they are:

- The picture of Dorian Gray – Oscar Wilde
- A lady of quality - Francis H Burnett
- Slaughter House 5 – Kurt Vonnegut

Enjoy!

Just pass the dam coffee already please!

This past week has been a busy one at work, which is always a good thing. Prodding along gleefully. But, just when you think you are normal and mentally stable.. Boom!!!! Out of the blue - hormones, gremlins or things from another nasty alternate supernatural universe takes over your emotions! I was in a bad mood for two days – with no plausible explanation!

I think it started when I was watching a re-run of Smallville. I have waited patiently for a whole season for the new Series (which is apparently the last season – FOREVER!) to begin and now to my utter disappointment, everything looks fake! The passion seems to have been left on krypton and earth seems phony bloody baloney! Yes, in case you were wondering everyone in the show is still as hot as "warme patate" (of is dit artappels?), which is the only thing the show has going for it right now!

Arrgghh – in other news… I tend to stay away from the caffeinated drinks, because once I consume anything caffeinated, the energizer speed bunny poltergeist comes out of me before the migraines set in! But when my turtle took a huge bite out of the latex glove that I use when I transfer him to a feeding tank, as if that was not enough.. i saw how much weight i had piled on and that was IT! (I should have named the post "just pass me the dam diuretics please" - after all, it DOES contain caffeine, and may flush out some fatty toxins! :-) who knows.

Forget Smallville and all other annoyances that were trying to truckle me to either tears or bludgeonings from a horror movie… these turtles were in for a spanking! Since I didn’t have the heart to de-shell him, I decided I needed a cup of coffee to counteract the negative karma vibrating through my veins.. alas! Just as expected.. the twitches began… the foaming at the mouth was soon to ensue.. but before that could happen i was seeing a supersonic episode of Star Wars.. in my living room! and now I feel like I have a hangover!

Nevermind, its Friday, and I thought If I rant on my blog - it will help release the emotions that have my physiognomy in a twisted bunch.. Leaving behind my maladroit feelings and behaviour .. to (hopefully) be myself again..


hey me!!.......................Come back!!!!!!

MOURNFUL SOLITUDE

The soul of the dead creeps over me
I am weak
I am wanting
Walking in a dead sleep
Silence, deafening over my being

I come in haste
No softly plucked chords to
Sooth my troubled mind
I lose myself in silence

I grow bare
A small dark hole
Mournful solitude
I embrace the night
The dead, the silence
My soul has no words
To speak
Hollow, empty

Inside turns to outside
From fields of green to
Weathered, lifeless
The season of winter takes over
The heart once warm.
Torn.

Copyright: Jade Moore

ROADTRIP TO CHICAGO

Technically, its not a "roadtrip", but on the weekend of 15th Sept - i took a 2 hour flight to Chicago - situated in the State of Illinois (unofficially known as the "Prairie State" - and BTW that is the city flag of Chicago)..

So anyway, i had an amazing weekend. We booked hop-on, hop-off bus tours in order to see as much of Chicago as humanly possible and did we ever!

From the moment I landed, I was in awe of this city! A bustling New York style (only clean and not as crazy) city – my hotel was situated on the Magnificent Mile which is a parallel road of designer stores deluxe on every side of the road for a mile! It can be compared to Sandton City, New York and Cape Town mushed into one city!

Surrounding all the bling is the most amazing architecture, old and new boasting some of the tallest buildings and most luxurious apartment buildings. There are endless amounts of museums and art galleries and to be very detailed: 500 parks - literally! When you get to the edge of the city you are greeted by Lake Michigan.. when I saw the lake I was awestruck! It's so big, it looks like the ocean, you cannot see the end of this lake AND it has a man-made beach, so it really feels as if you are next to the ocean!

We saw and did everything from cheese, wine and chocolates, to “cutting the pavements” to the point of blisters, to fitting on $blank-blank Christian LouBoutan Shoes that I can never afford but who cares! It was a fun filled weekend of late nights, great sights and wonderful food! Deep dish pizza and jazz music, people who wear their designer jeans at the right length (atlast!) and a river that runs through the city.. So many celebrity hot spots – we saw the line up at NBC studios to the Jerry Springer show lol..

If i wasnt so inlove with Denver, and the weather in Chicago (according to the natives) was not so bad, i would have my Louis Vuitton luggage packed and heading for Chicago!

THE BIG QUESTION:

I have been asked a lot of late why I feel the need to have my personal life read on the world wide web by everyone.. it seems that my need to be known and my random pronunciamentos, with its non-traditional clotted cliches and deep philosophies of my own heart which sometimes turned into a kind of poetry, both majestic and absurd and evidently questionable or atleast questioned have been a flurry of discussion!!


So on that note – I don’t have an answer to that question except to say that the virtue of my philosophy is on one hand for self reflection and self evolution.. I don’t proclaim to be anything of a philosopher, but only to hope that my woes can be remedies to someone, that my elations can be experienced vicariously by others. Why are my opinions important? Maybe to someone they are and to another they are not.. when my life struggles for utterances in the flesh, I find myself in here. When my life is filled with The glorious sap of expressive pleasure gushing through my veins with a continual intoxication of delight, i find myself in here...

Maybe no one hears me, maybe no one cares.. My words are still my words.. on here.. when I am long gone – this will be me, forever.

The silent forests, the mountains covered with briars and flanked by precipices, the frozen plains and the rugged fields of Colorado, the sunsets from my bedroom, the data on my computer at work, the walk home down 16th street mall full of crazy people, the lonely silence of my silent dreams.. all of this (my life) persuades me more and more that I am resolved never to be content with empty words or wasted experiences, if I am to make a difference in this life and in this world, how can my words and my life remain clandestine?

I hope the prolific seeds of my words sown in this WWW touches a heart somehow and that’s the only answer I have for now.

:-)

GOOD OLD HOLLYWOOD!

Just for fun…

Well, most of you know I am a movie fanatic.. if I have not seen all the movies on regular circuit AS well as the independent theatres, my life's equilibrium and chi just doesn’t feel balanced!

So to that end, I was in deep thought today pondering on this world of movies and how we always comment that “its not realistic” yet why would we go watch a movie for realism?? How boring would that be? People will watch an action movie and see some of the scenes and say “that’s not realistic”, but yet go watch a movie about hobits and dragons and say “awesome!”
fickle! fickle! teehee

So, in that vein.. I have found a few things interesting in this hi-tech 21st century we live in about movies and computers:

The movies have lead me to believe that one day computers would be doing everything and man wouldn’t have to even move his finger…Yet here I am .. doing my own laundry! What’s up with that??

In the movies…

All you have to do to get secret information from a computer is log on – if it asks you for a password – you only need 3 tries and you will SURELY get it (trust me i have seen it done - no one has ever failed in the movies!) and then simply type "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard and Voila!!

Furthermore – even more disturbing is that Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds guaranteed.

When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

Any photograph can have minute details pulled out of it. You can zoom into any picture as far as you want to. Example: "What's that fuzzy thing in the corner? I don't know, let's check. It's the murder weapon! Let's look under the bed for the killers shoes. no, just some comics

HA HA you gotta love Hollywood and the era we live in!

Best books that i have read this month:

1) Candide - Voltaire (best book ever - ever)
2 The Horrors of Oakendale Abbey, Mrs. Carver, edited by Curt Herr
3) The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
4) Romances and Gothic Tales - edited by Franz J Potter
5) The Vampire Lestat - Anne Rice

I plan to read 5 per month so the updates and recommendations will be updated in Oct!

MORTALITY

It is sometimes in the places of mortality where death is emanate that you find life and its meaning, it seems that death has a funny way of making us aware of life… I walked through a small cemetery on Sunday, September 9th, just absorbing the quiet and the tranquility.. this is a place that generally people stay away from unless they come to grieve, say goodbye and lay to rest the once living.. but its in this quiet place where I look at the tombstones of people who once walked as I walk and it reads “ Here lies… 1887 – 1905” and I wonder what the “–“ was filled with…. I sit and think about how much respect and reverence people give to the graveyard sites where people are buried, yet when you step out, there is so little regard for life.. for the places where people live.. why people will look at, with tears, and touch tombstones of ones they will never see again in this life and yet spit on, kill, rape and abuse the ones they see everyday.

The graveyard is one of the richest places on earth.. though it holds no physical treasure… it’s a place that is filled with many dreams that have not been fulfilled, songs that have never been sung, books that have never been written.. lives that have not fully lived, people who took all their potential with them and it will never be used to build an aircraft, save a nation, bare and raise a child or create a masterpiece…

And some have died breathing their last breath having given every part of that breath meaning while it exuded from them and the legacy they leave behind doesn’t stay in the “-“… it continues in what they have left behind them…

This is a place that teaches my soul to be still in the presence of mortality and know it’s a certainty that someday I too will have this place.. but for now.. I have THIS place… and it makes me appreciate.. life. MY life.

A Saint of old once said "You can't take out of this world, what you have BEEN given, but only what you HAVE given....a full heart enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice and courage"

Invictus
Out of the night that covers me
Black as the Pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced or cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid
It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul

William Ernest Henley

The Job – June 12th to dateGreatly contributing to my daily existence and need for purpose, my job still occupies my days with being busy, making connections and fulfilling corporate curiosity, so things being solid on that front look set to continue forward with anticipation of growth and development.


The World Class driving experience – Aug, 11thPassion seems too strong a word for my keen interest in all things auto, but there are heart-racing times when it seems all too fitting a word!!. All my experiences with car races and auto shows pale in comparison to this experience which was of utmost, unprecedented pomp and magnificence – riding in 5 super cars (Lamborghini Gallardo, Mercedes SLR, Ferrari 430, Porsche GT3, Noble M400) only dreamed of by most.. riding unaccompanied by an instructor through the beauty that is Colorado springs, embraced gingerly by the tall magnificent mountains, waved at by the green trees and clear, fresh, crisp air blowing on my face, we drove each car for about 25 minutes to get a good experience of not only opulence, prestige and perfection, but also what it would be like to be a celebrity! One of the most indulgent experiences that I have had. See pics for envy value.. :-P

Daily experiences – July and AugustOnce one opens your hearts’ arms to embrace newness, it can take you by utter surprise as to what facet of your personality it brings out in you. I have been socializing a lot more of late and in so doing managed to enlarge not only my circle of friends, but my realm of experience. Learning with each new day (and friend) that my heart and life can be enlarged by merely talking to someone with a large vision, with an intellect and reasoning that skewers yours to degrees of gratifying doubt and questioning, but yet reaffirmation and challenge.. I have come into myself in this small circle – have learnt that who I am is enough, yet its never enough.. challenging the core of my creativity as I stand in awe of theirs..

Summer in Denver is just spectacular. I have been blessed with a mountain bike, I have not yet had the pleasure of taking it for a ride as yet – but everyday I tell myself I will – and I WILL!

My pet turtles have me in a constant maternal frenzy – the one now the size of Africa and the other a mere little quarter size – makes for me constantly having to tear the big one’s foot off the little one’s head at feeding time! Man, being a mother is a tough job! Since you asked: Their adoptive names are Michelangelo and Raphael (ninja turtle tradition) – but since I adopted them I can’t decide on their new names.. I have been inclined to go with something from Smallville.. but it doesn’t quite fit – so for now, its greedy turtle and little turtle! Just for clarification in case we cant tell them apart! I toyed briefly with the idea, for the sake of my heritage, of calling the fat, greedy one Frikkie Koos Van Tonder and the little one Boerseun Oubaas Van Winkel.. but i fear with my newly acquired, somewhat dramatized American accent (that some Americans here think make me sound like a bad actress trying out for a part in a low budget movie...).. even for me those names might be a tongue twister! :-) grrr


The New Yorkers’ visit, Aug, 12th – Aug 25thMy days are currently being graced by a friend from New York, experiencing Denver through new eyes is always a treat as you get to experience the old and familiar in a completely new way and appreciate all the more the everyday around you. Also you get to notice new things that you have failed to observe and appreciate no matter how many times you’ve walk by. So my fun levels have gone to new heights, and so has my weight (but who cares, when friends are on vacation – technically YOU are on vacation right ma?)




Did a lot of really fun things such as baseball games - i even got to learn how to swing a baseball bat in a batting cage - which was SO much fun!! Fed Giraffes at a zoo, Fondue dinners, Gokart racing and five star superb dinner dances..

I had a great time and connected with very special friend.







My thoughts
I have never been one to disengage myself from any life experience, good or bad.. I have of late had many new and pleasurable experiences from life.. Actually I am of the belief that the seasons and cycles of life come and go..

I have often - as I have already so broadly and exhaustedly expounded upon on – found myself in a state of weakness and insensibility, between life and death, I felt myself pressed between every decision, desire, failure and unreachable goal and the ambitions and passions nested in my being..

I have also often found myself resurrected from that state of melancholy and despair into a transition of peace, contentment and hope. Yet being as dual-minded as I have always been – I neither seek in passionate pursuit of one or the other, but rather I want to experience each as they present themselves to be in the hardness, in the ecstasy and raw undefiled as they come at me – pain and joy.. A compound of pleasure and pain constitutes what we call life.
I want the experiences to be commensurate to one another in every way.

So today I find myself in the arms of “happy” – in this past while I have embraced and been embraced – and still I press on through life’s sometimes flowery, sometimes barren, sometimes level, sometimes rugged, sometimes ordinary, sometimes ecstatic waves as they come before me and after me.. Now here in this place of life – I feel although doors stand before me to open and behind me to close – happiness, joy and a sense of fulfiment is where i am and I embrace it once again.

A few things that I have been doing:
1) Dancing more than I have in years and my 32 year old hips keep reminding me of that fact!

2) Wearing shorts– yes please don’t fall off your chair! Shorts with heels.. Ja jong ma kan my nou net sien soos ‘n yong ou bokkie in die straat rond loop, gat wat lekker uit hang!! No not really – I will attach pics to prove I don’t look like I am “working the streets!”


3) Talking on the phone for more than 4 hours consistently everyday!

4) Getting about 3 hours of sleep a night

5) Eating ready made meals – I haven’t cooked in about a year! LOL

6) Getting some regular time up in the mountains to enjoy the view, to breathe in the life of nature

7) I have started reading the most mind-blowing, stimulating book i have read in ages called "Candide", a book by Voltaire.. really fascinating book that has had me rapt for weeks.

Ok and that’s enough for now.. :-)

I miss you all in South Africa and I can’t wait to see you – really soon..