Update

This last month has been somewhat of a blur! I have been doing so many fun things and also having started a new, very busy project and having an extremely hectic social life, having met tons of new friends and hanging out or just talking until sunrise – I have been averaging about 3 hours of sleep a night!

Firstly, we went to a Renaissance festival which was so much fun. Everyone dressed up in medieval gear and everything was very well themed even to the accents and activities. It was a cool experience and a good laugh. Then as it seems to becoming my tradition these days here in the United States, I went to Indianapolis to watch the F1 Grand Prix, Celebrated my 32nd birthday on the track too - got a very nice unsual surprise birthday present from a recently acquired friend :-)). It was well worth the 16 hour drive because this time around I got to meet photographers, marketing personal and journalist all well absorbed in the racing scene! But more than make connections, they also adopted me into their group as a friend which was so wonderful! I am now officially 10 shades darker than I have ever been as the sun beats down heavy here in the Northern Hemisphere! Oh just when I thought I had done all the death defying feats in my old age that I could stomach… I went white water rafting!! That was a wonderful and beautiful experience which I highly recommend to anyone. The scenery so peaceful and magnificent, floating down the Colorado river nestled between the mountains.. just breathtaking.

Work has been going superbly well, I have my little pod in a nice company with great people and interesting work. So I think my life so far has come full circle and back into balance..

Speaking of balance: I have been pondering as I do…how do purpose, love and freedom seem to have the ability to, independently or together, affect the mediocre and transform the ordinary? The passion to go forward is too important to be left to the happenstance of someone else's concerns for us, and yet its so important as I have so painfully discovered to be connected with the right people and I have come the conclusion of late that purpose gives you purpose, love gives you love and freedom gives you freedom.. and one shouldn’t look for the qualities of one in the other.

Sometimes we place ourselves so far on the back burner that the dreams boil out and leave only a parched pot where once we had personal expectation. And sometimes we blur our expectations by crossing the lines of what each component gives us.. for example we want our love for someone to give us purpose, we want our purpose and passion for life an career to fill the void where love goes etc…and that is where our expectations get jaded.

I have said so many times in previous posts how my time here in the United States has given me the time to have many appointments with my own attention. Much as it was needed, it was one of the hardest things I have had to do.. finding my way in the midst of deferred hopes and frustrated dreams..

I have probably repeated so many thoughts and words throughout this blog much to the frustration I am sure of someone reading this, but today I realized that my words and expressions in here were like a drum from my soul finding its own unique beat in order to complete the kenosis – the emptying out of the pain, the loss, the loneliness, the burdens that it carries… putting this process into repetitive recognition of who I am, being vulnerable to the judgments of the readers…
Finding ways to affirm my own sense of personhood and self-development in the midst of a broken heart and broken dreams.. and then one day unexpectedly while your heart is guarded and your mind is clear.. love finds you in the most unusual way.

A friend of mine used to believe that love is an optional accessory that we can choose to exclude from life, and as I pondered on this theory for so long I recently came the realization that love actually epitomizes the human experience and celebrates all that we enjoy.. How can you cocoon yourself to the world because of fear and not short change yourself?

Someone once said “We are connoisseurs of the fine architectural design of life, love, and the exchange of human energy”. And as the tidal wave of my experiences seem to find a new rhythm and new momentum, I start to see my kenotic process coming to this stage of completion…when I had thought I had lost all my spirited synergy forever, the beat starts again.. the rhythm picks up.. its new and unfamiliar yet because I am still me, I know it well.

I find myself now in a very new phase in my life… unfamiliar territory and cautiously I tread as I excitedly move toward a very new experience. In the midst of this new found balance and peace that I have acquired in the past few months.. I found a door being curiously opened to me.. and my heart smiles. J

(the awesome, emotion-filled photograph i chose to accompany my post was taken by friend Chris Hinds whose work is not only spectacular - but inspiring.. http://www.chrishinds.com/)