Update - Week 94


It is December again!! My second December already in Denver, the snow has started to fall and the temperature has plummeted.

I read through all the posts on my blog since I started this journey of my life in the United States, and I have been through a lot. It has been one rollercoaster ride of joys and pains. Time truly does fly..

This would be update for week number 94!!!

There were times in my journey where I believed that I had solid judgement joined to the most unaffected simplicity and then I realised, life is not simple. Judgement, wisdom and character are sometimes eluded by simplicity. I sat today at my high chair, facing my computer, snowflakes dancing in the wind through the window behind me.. and I thought back to when I first came here and decided to recap my journey briefly:

It started off in Charlotte, North Carolina, this part of my life here was paralleled by learning, newness and feeling displaced and foreign and most of all lonely. Longing being a constant part of my days. Not being able to reach the sides of myself that I thought I so firmly had a grasp on for most of my life. I always felt I had an insufferable degree of assurance that my life was in my complete counsel and control, until I arrived in Charlotte.

Friends inquired many a time why I did not just return home at that stage, but that’s the thing about displacement, once it settles in your life at the appointed time.. It’s not a place that can change that.. you have to go through the experience until you find your peace. Then I moved to Denver, and still I felt that inquietude and apprehension which a strange place naturally inspires. And to make a repeatedly long story very short, after realizing that I am not an island, and made connections and actually ASKED for help, after many judicious reflections operated on my inner being and exhorbantly long exclamations to the deities - finally in about June of this year, my soul returned with good tiding of the beginning of the end of my distressed adventures!!

Ok, without sounding as if my entire experience has been a succession of melancholy! I have to say – had I not gone through this transition, I would probably not have appreciated how wonderful my life currently is. Ofcourse, in life, as we know, there are very rarely times when all the components of your life are without challenge. And I have learned to know challenge only strengthens my resolve to become more of who I am. And i am beyond seeking happiness and seeking to define it. Beyond the comparisons of happiness versus contentment and trying to define it.. beyond wondering which internal chambers hold peace and which are still restless... All the inconsistencies and all the contradictions that i attempt constantly to encapsulate, dissect and refute... i think for now (only for December, since it's Christmas and all).. i will accept as part of being alive, as part of the experience of exploring the endless depths of the human soul and of my own individuality.

So that was looking back.. now looking forward. With a lot of aspects of my life, finally solidified toward stability and being settled..

I am looking forward to an educational, productive year, that looks set to focus not as much internally on the things of the soul, but on improving the skills, the passions and the intellect that accompany that soul. Make a difference to myself, invest in my education and extend and enlarge myself in more areas than one.

Work is going exceptionally well, with my job profile shifting into an entirely new area, i look forward to the new learning and purpose within myself to excel and to focus on the balance of passions as well as newly acquired skills.

Ok, here is my confession of the day! Remember when i said my blog was going to change and i was going to display newly acquired imagined talents??.. well... i have not forgotten about it BUT - you know old Murphy.. the minute i decided to publicise my anticipated endeavours.. i found neither the time, nor the inspiration to deliver the goods!!!

So, i will have to make this my pending New Year's resolution.....

:-)