Oh Christmas Tree.. Oh Christmas Tree.. with faithful leaves unchanging...

Well, it is Christmas eve and i am in Washington, DC spending the weekend and celebrating Christmas with family. Whenever i sit and take a breath to contemplate why i do things, it leads me to that inward path of reflection... Christmas in South Africa and in my family has always been more of a time of summertime fun. Its never been a gift exchange and food exchange affair.. but then i wonder, why do it at all, its become such a wordwide pressurized and commercialized tradition that if you do not do what "they all" do.. it seems as if there is something wrong with you...

But then, at the same time, i realize that in the age we live in, people really DO need a reason to get together and just be with each other, smiling and sharing and giving.. with families spread all over various parts of the globe, i think that it's nice to come together and just have a day where you look at each other and you leave all your stress behind, give a gift and say "thank you". And regardless of how you choose to celebrate and spend it, its about the significance and the fact that you are connected to others... you belong to a very specific world, to a people and you are not alone in this world. And with all the drama that you anticipate in getting such a feast together, i realized it neither has to be gallant, well accoutred, nor finely disposed to perfection.. it just needs an openness to realizing whether you have family or dont have family, there is always something in life to celebrate and be thankful for.

And even in a quiet, alone kind of Christmas, there can be joy and a heart fulfilled with knowing, even where family is scarce, love never is.. because somewhere.. someone cares and is thinking of you.

Merry Christmas to all!!!

xxx

Snow!! Snow!! Snow!!

It is currently about -10c and you can not walk on any normal kind of shoes because it's muddy and gunky and slippery (but fluffy and white and pretty too!!)..

I have decided it's about time some scientist researcher person goes to the North Pole and go and check underneath the paws of those beautiful, fluffy ice-bears and see what makes them able to RUN in the snow and ice without breaking limbs.. and then invent it (without killing anything), and then pitch it to Jimmy Choo - so that we vain ladies don't have to walk in the goo with our designer pants tucked into our ugly snow boots (that probably doesnt match anything!!)... please - can someone help???

Moving right along... I made some soup which went wrong.. (How can a person botch up soup??).. Well, maybe since we are in the land where the water swirls the other way (i think here it goes down the drain anti-clockwise) - maybe i should be stirring the soup in a different direction? Who knows.

mysteries.. mysteries...

Department of Breath & Human Services

EMERGENCY ALERT!!!!!

Apparently according to a local newspaper in Denver … There is a whole department which investigates the state of the breath of Americans. It is reported by the SECRETARY of this department that this is becoming a worldwide (America) emergency!!

They are terming it a “full-blown stenchademic", according to Dr Guy Hammond, a leading researcher of smelliness! All research ofcourse accompanied by, pictures, stats and graphs.

One of the attempted solutions – which was distributing TicTacs to the most far reaching corners of the country where the deadly odor plague was infesting, failed, because hundreds were injured attempting to open the plastic boxes’ flip-action lids..

Haha Actually, I decided to post this article because it was so funny it made me laugh – that was the intent, actually “the Onion” is a ‘newspaper’ that publishes the most off the wall made-up articles, I guess its so that people can just laugh at themselves (and each other).. what a great idea and some humor I thought I would share!

God bless America!! :-)

Update - Week 94


It is December again!! My second December already in Denver, the snow has started to fall and the temperature has plummeted.

I read through all the posts on my blog since I started this journey of my life in the United States, and I have been through a lot. It has been one rollercoaster ride of joys and pains. Time truly does fly..

This would be update for week number 94!!!

There were times in my journey where I believed that I had solid judgement joined to the most unaffected simplicity and then I realised, life is not simple. Judgement, wisdom and character are sometimes eluded by simplicity. I sat today at my high chair, facing my computer, snowflakes dancing in the wind through the window behind me.. and I thought back to when I first came here and decided to recap my journey briefly:

It started off in Charlotte, North Carolina, this part of my life here was paralleled by learning, newness and feeling displaced and foreign and most of all lonely. Longing being a constant part of my days. Not being able to reach the sides of myself that I thought I so firmly had a grasp on for most of my life. I always felt I had an insufferable degree of assurance that my life was in my complete counsel and control, until I arrived in Charlotte.

Friends inquired many a time why I did not just return home at that stage, but that’s the thing about displacement, once it settles in your life at the appointed time.. It’s not a place that can change that.. you have to go through the experience until you find your peace. Then I moved to Denver, and still I felt that inquietude and apprehension which a strange place naturally inspires. And to make a repeatedly long story very short, after realizing that I am not an island, and made connections and actually ASKED for help, after many judicious reflections operated on my inner being and exhorbantly long exclamations to the deities - finally in about June of this year, my soul returned with good tiding of the beginning of the end of my distressed adventures!!

Ok, without sounding as if my entire experience has been a succession of melancholy! I have to say – had I not gone through this transition, I would probably not have appreciated how wonderful my life currently is. Ofcourse, in life, as we know, there are very rarely times when all the components of your life are without challenge. And I have learned to know challenge only strengthens my resolve to become more of who I am. And i am beyond seeking happiness and seeking to define it. Beyond the comparisons of happiness versus contentment and trying to define it.. beyond wondering which internal chambers hold peace and which are still restless... All the inconsistencies and all the contradictions that i attempt constantly to encapsulate, dissect and refute... i think for now (only for December, since it's Christmas and all).. i will accept as part of being alive, as part of the experience of exploring the endless depths of the human soul and of my own individuality.

So that was looking back.. now looking forward. With a lot of aspects of my life, finally solidified toward stability and being settled..

I am looking forward to an educational, productive year, that looks set to focus not as much internally on the things of the soul, but on improving the skills, the passions and the intellect that accompany that soul. Make a difference to myself, invest in my education and extend and enlarge myself in more areas than one.

Work is going exceptionally well, with my job profile shifting into an entirely new area, i look forward to the new learning and purpose within myself to excel and to focus on the balance of passions as well as newly acquired skills.

Ok, here is my confession of the day! Remember when i said my blog was going to change and i was going to display newly acquired imagined talents??.. well... i have not forgotten about it BUT - you know old Murphy.. the minute i decided to publicise my anticipated endeavours.. i found neither the time, nor the inspiration to deliver the goods!!!

So, i will have to make this my pending New Year's resolution.....

:-)

How can you see into my eyes like open doors

leading you down into my core where i've become so numb

without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there

and lead it back home

wake me up inside

wake me up inside

call my name and save me from the dark

bid my blood to run before i come undone

save me from the nothing i've become

Now that i know what i'm without you can't just leave me

breathe into me and make me real

bring me to life

wake me up inside

wake me up inside

call my name and save me from the dark

bid my blood to run before i come undone

save me from the nothing i've become

bring me to life frozen inside without your touch without your love darling

only you are the life among the dead all this sight i can't believe i couldn't see

Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems got to open my eyes to everything without a thought

without a voice

without a soul

don't let me die here there must be something more

bring me to life

wake me up inside

wake me up inside

call my name and save me from the dark

bid my blood to run before i come undone

save me from the nothing i've become

bring me to life

bring me to life

Song: Evanescence.

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other waythan this:

where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda