Weighty Matters


So, tell me, what is the point of “eat less and move more”?

For the past 3 weeks now I have been jumping around rooms like a drunk chicken, cheeks bobbing , boobs slapping me in the face, sweating like a pig, all in the attempt to shed some of me. All the while attempting the near starvation “diet” and even worse, refraining from all things sugar, when I hopped on the scale, the few 10ths of a pound that I lost gave me somewhat motivation to continue.

Then, I attempt to put on my work pants and the button, which is practically hanging on by a thread from tugging it toward the hole, disappears into my overflowing muffin top belly fat. What’s up with that? So I stomp off to work in a huff, pants snuggling the overflow, I trip and twist my ankle in the pesky spring snow storm..

!!!Oh, no wait!! Did you JUST ask me why i still wore the pants????? (don't go there!)

Anyway, while all this drama is going in, flaring my cheeks up in annoyance, I suddenly have an epiphany…

For the past few months I have been religiously and addictively going to Starbucks on my way to work and getting my morning NON-FAT Chai Tea,( being sure to not use my first name on the cup so that pesky regulars don’t call on me by name!).. so I thought maybe, I need to let go, with much despair and anguish of my morning fix… and start trying something else (like water!).
And by George if that doesn’t work then I am gonna find some scientist or plastic surgeon to dissect the fat that loves me so much it clings for dear life!!!… so today is a sad day as I say farewell to my friend and beloved companion…