"Im a man without conviction

Im a man who doesnt know

How to sell a contradiction"

Does anyone remember this song? It was titled "Karma Chameleon" - it had a very catchy tune, it played on the radio yesterday while i was on my way home and suddenly the words flew from my ears into my mind and i needed to get the lyrics and read them again....

When i was young(er), i was very shy and always took the path of no confrontation and least amount of conflict.. those days are since long gone. I now can not be accused of being a (wo)man without conviction nor have i an inability to sell contradiction...

If they write a book about my life.. i wonder what section of the library it will be found in.. "horror'? or "comedy"? think a little of both plus lots of contradiction and loads of "drama". Haha

Ok now i need to clarify: I think beneath the exterior of my personality there are always little paradoxes, things the mind cannot easily reconcile. I have firm convictions about very many things, i don't consider myself to be contradictory to those convictions. When i speak of Contradiction, i mean i have relentless passion and faith and display those in my daily pursuits.

The contradiction comes in my deep longing for personal freedom and independence, yet tireless commitment to others. Also, when presented with many opinions and views, i non-apologetically cannot just accept many things, i always have to voice my opinion and ask for reasons and explanations.

Can one be intimate and long for solitude at the same time?

I don't want my life to be a 'declaration of intent"! I want it to traverse my life and leave behind meaning and action. I don't want to ever get caught saying "i wanted to do this and that".. and it just never gets done! Nothing metaphorical! Well, i think in some cases when i say i want to live skin to skin with my surroundings.. THAT is metaphorical.. cause in reality that would just be nasty! So, you get what i mean....

It doesnt mean that i want to work tirelessly and wear myself out in trying accomplishing everything under the sun, or have so much variety of experience that i can hardly remember them all.. it means that i am to breathe in my whole life.. savour all of it. have the peace and enjoyment that contradicts the mediocrity that disables you because of circumstance or something..

Although "Karma Chameleon" is really a song about a lover who strings people along and who when she clings the love is strong and when she leaves.. she is gone for ever.. the title suggests to me that although in Life you get back what you give.. its like a Chameleon, it does not come in the same colour, in the same way..

That is the contradiction of life....