Surprise Mamma!!

So, on Sunday - I bought my turtle his new, fabulous tank. Decked it all nice so that his fat-ass can swim around all he wants. Then I decided to spoil the little critter too, I bought him two little gold fish to eat... It is now Tuesday and the spoilt brat has not even licked the fish! You know what this means, right? Instead of having a turtle who eats his live food, I have now become the mummy of 2 fish as well!!.

I mean feeding the fish to the turtle is one thing.. letting them die of starvation is just inhumane!! So now I have to feed them too and look after them and hope he eats them before I become attached. ARgh!

It's like waking up and seeing that your baby has cloned itself twice! what a nightmare!

Thanks big turtle.

Quote of the Day - Thomas Huxley -

"All truth, in the long run, is only common sense clarified."

This is what I see on a random walk to work.. breathtaking....

Pride.... and Glory.....

My weekend has been good so far, Far too short (what's new?) I stayed around Denver this weekend. Friday after work, my colleagues and I took off early to chill out at the Horse Shoe lounge, it was fun to just hang out and not think about work for a few hours. I was sick all of Saturday, so that felt like a waste of a day - I basically stayed in bed all day. I went out to have some food and that was all I really did. I cleaned up and did some personal internet surfing, working on my book etc.

Sunday, I woke up early - went out for a nice chai tea, got a bunch of errands and shopping done and then went to watch a movie...

I watched "Pride and Glory".. it was a good movie.. really good. It is quite an ironic title.. This movie was so full of intensity.. I sat on the edge of my seat. What good acting, I was blown away.

I say Ironic.. because, without giving anything about the movie away... I firmly believe there is no Glory in Pride... and this movie is a display of just that. It was good. Got me thinking again...

What pride do I have that seeks Glory... You know, last June, 12th when I walked into Quark for the first time, my life was in the process of being pieced together again after an emotional hurricane. It was a good time for me.. A time when I started seeing broken pieces being put back together again.. you know that feeling, I am sure?? everyone goes through it.. I went through living hell in my own heart as I am sure everyone who reads this blog regularly knows from earlier posts..... So I started a job I had no idea what I was doing.. but I loved it.. To this day! Yes, in the past few months, the responsibility just seems overwhelming, but I still feel as if I have found a piece of myself in my job.

How can you find yourself in your work.. isn't work just work.. a means to give you a decent life? Yes - and NO! It's such a big part of who I am, now - it is where I express so many of my talents, where I see myself challenged and my character grows. I connect and disconnect with people. It's been a fun time and a very stressful ride... Pride and Glory?

I have never just done one thing that I completely allowed to absorb me. I have worked admin jobs, management jobs, took care of grannies, fostered children, saved animals, swept streets, cleaned toilets, drove Celebrities around, filed people's crap, managed business and was a lady of leisure all at the same time at one time or another.. But at this moment.. I have decided to put all my energy for right now, into this little job that I have. It gives me the peace and the direction I want, for this stage of my life. I do alot of social and personal things, but as far as giving of myself to a cause.. this is pretty much it right now.

I take pride in what I do and I seek my own humble sense of Glory.. the irony? Both of those words have negative and positive meaning. I have pride, but how can I afford to be proud?? I have no cause to gloat or be arrogant and "proud" as it is the downfall of many a powerful person.. I seek the glory that my talent gives me because that is how life works..you want recognition and due appreciation - but how can I seek Glory and live in humility....

It is finding the balance in life. And I hope at the end of it all.. I can always live with humility and a grateful heart.

Funny Quote of the Day - Quentin Crisp -

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."

HA HA HA

NO FREAKING WAY!!!!!

10/21/08

Tonight I am sitting in my apartment, watching my turtle dig through the pebbles in his small tank, looking for more food.. lightning and thunder outside, black clouds overhead. I ordered some Chinese food and decided to watch some tele, exercise and then eat. One of the rare occasions I take the time to do nothing.

I open up my fortune cookie which came with my order- I decide to eat it, though I am already full from my Prawn Chow Fun... The fortune says: "Your life does not get better by chance.. it gets better by change.." That made me smile.

Just today as I walked to work, I got some thoughts brewing in my mind about starting another book.. (and finishing it this time!) And it correlates to my fortune cookie. It has been a long time since I have had no change in my life, it seems almost every week there is a major event whether it be within my work, relationships or just life in general.. it is as if my life at this age is on the cusp of molding me for the next big thing... It is quite exciting..

There are so many things I want to do. As I mentioned before: When I was about 19, I had a "list" a set of things that I wanted to do and by the age of 30 - I had done them all - every one. When I turned 30 - and have done all those things, I was left stumped for what else I wanted to do:

Here is some of what was on my list that I have done:

1. Travel as much as possible (Main destinations: Italy, London, New York, Hong Kong and Paris) - I wanted to celebrate my 30th Birthday on a gondola in Venice with champagne in my hand.. :-) That was awesome.
2. Mould someone's life by either fostering, educating or giving a child an awesome opportunity at a better life or better education.
3. Watch the sunset while flying in the cockpit of a Boeing 747 . That was on my trip to Australia.

4. Be able to take a year off and dedicate my life to my community for the entire year - feeding, clothing and educating people , holding dying babies, listening to abandoned grandmothers talk about their lives...
5. Own a house – mortgage free
6. Live in another country for a Year. (My heart wanted Los Angeles, USA) But I was prepared to take whatever I got. I got Paris first and now Denver, USA – not a bad deal.
7. Drive 5 super cars - Fast, exotic, expensive...
8. Meet all the celebrities I look up to. Meet all the Formula 1 racing drivers. (Lewis Hamilton - I don’t care if you ARE dating a pussy-cat doll.. and I don’t care that you drive for McLaren.. you can’t hide forever!!!!!)
9. Meet Nelson Mandela
10. Own my own business
11. Have my poems published
12. Walk on the wings of an airplane (not in flight!)
13. Watch the launch of a space shuttle
14. Star in a commercial / do some modeling
15. Ride a camel in the desert
16. Be someone’s mentor
17. Play the guitar (ok.. that didn’t last more than 2 months! But I tried!)
18. Own one very expensive, meaningless accessory (I won’t say!)
19. Own my own car – debt free. Have my own car built and help in the design
20. Learn to shoot a firearm
21. Give a speech that left an audience in awe. I still have the tape :-) thanks Corne.

I won’t go on and on.. But those are some examples of what stirred my soul… dreams that have fully and wonderfully been accomplished.. leaving me utterly happy and fulfilled.

Currently, I am learning to speak French and Spanish. It is difficult because I have Spanish friends here, but not alot of French ones, thankfully I train our office in Paris on some of our IT systems... so I can use it to a minimal degree.

My work has kept me so busy that I am without enough time to really fit in anything other than minor social activities. I decided to start a new interest every month and commit to it and see it through in order to expand myself. But I started learning some of the technical facets of my job.. not because I need it for the function that I fulfill, but to have a holistic understanding of things... man - it is really hard. I do not have a technically shaped mind.. I can understand how the engine of a car works (just about).. but try to tell me about servers and IT garble.. it is really hard - but it's challenging and I long to learn.
So I am studying and trying to wrap my head around all things IT!

I also decided to learn the spirituality of a completely different culture. And my choice of people / culture is the Japanese. I have a few Colleagues from our Japan office out here which I have been speaking with and after my short few hours in the Tokyo airport, I found myself in-love with Japanese.. I want to learn what stirs them as a people spiritually, culturally.. where their core and beliefs come from. My next goal on that note, is to visit Tokyo - work in the office for a week and vacation and visit. I hope I can do it really soon.

I struggled to come up with a new list… But everything I endeavour to do with my life revolves around mentoring, teaching and getting right down to people's pain and helping them achieve great things.

I want to help young women see the beauty in their bodies, in their minds, in their souls, I want to teach people how to touch their own passion, how to inspire others’ passion and how to live with conviction being true to their own beauty and own heart. I want to show every woman that whether you are a medical doctor, a secretary, a mother, a private detective, an actor, a world traveler, a wife of a rich man or an astronought.. you can be beautiful, you can be sexy and you can be grounded, full of intelligence, mind and body hard at work… making a difference and inspiring people for your whole life.. not just at one time….

Your passion won’t always turn into easy dollars for you.. but that doesn’t mean you can’t work at something you love AND have other passions that fulfill every side of you. I want to help every woman reach inside her and see who has been hiding in there.. find all the hidden dimensions of herself and display it to the world.. Because, face it.. reality is this.. not every artist who is a single mother of 3 children for example, will be able to abondon things to put her time into the pursuit of her art as her bread….

But I want to inspire women that they CAN do it all and have it all.. It's is not about a tireless effort to drag yourself through life to look decent and feed your family.. It is about putting your passions into action in the smallest measures and see them grow... love where you are at.. find your inner core and the loves that take your soul to new places.. right where you live and see your destiny and passion unfold in all the ordinary things you do and watch yourself become extraordinary.

You don’t have to just stick with the job because it feeds the kids… you can feed the kids, have a job you like even if it is not the driving force of your heart at that moment, you can still find fulfilment while you unfold. Meet and devote yourself to your man with passion and devotion and you can inspire the world and you can live realistically, artistically, fruitfully, spiritually, touch people, raise your family.. all the while working on the things that encapsulates what you were created for… it takes many forms..

Take your heart and your reality and live it all fully and unconditionally all at the same time and you CAN do it all while being true to your convictions and faith and looking fabulous and sexy! YES!!! It is possible.

Here are some things.. that I have on my current list in the back of my mind:



1. Create my own website (come on.. I work for a Publishing / design company!!!)
2. Be able to eventually speak and use 7 languages (In time)
3. Take my mum on a trip around the world
4. Take a year off (again) and follow the F1 circuit.. sunbathe on a yacht in Monte Carlo
5. Set a foot on each of the 7 continents (Almost there!!)
6. Ride an elephant
7. Hold a baby panda in my arms
8. Learn to dance the rumba with a professional dancer and do it in front of everyone who knows me!
9. Write an amazing book, have it published and read reviews about it
10. Live in Barcelona for a few months
11. Run or assist someone in running a business
12. Taking up a martial art
13. Write a song that someone actually puts music to and sings
14. Help someone raise a child
15. Climb the pyramids and write my name in the sand
16. Do a professional photo shoot on the great wall of China
17. Give someone the opportunity to fulfill a dream.. a chance they never had and never believe they could have.. make it possible and happen for them and watch them enjoy their dream come true!
18. Own every one of the designer bags I love! I only have 3 grrrr
19. Have dinner with Michael Schumacher (Is this list starting to sound fantastical now??)
20. Go for cooking lessons ( I KNOW how to cook.. I want to learn how to be an amazing cook!)

21. Teach English
22. Audition for a James bond role (Not to be the “bond girl.. to BE James Bond!!) LOLOLOLOL

23. Go to Jordan and see what women there go through. I had a small taste of the kind of life a Muslim woman endures– not from school, but when I was in Dubai.. because I look a lot like a local woman there, rather than a tourist.. I was treated like a local woman.. it was not a pleasant experience.
24. Have the choice to not work a full time job. Make passive income ($$) and go around the world (even if it's only MY world) helping people find their dreams..
25. Walk barefoot in the moonlight on a beach in Hawaii.
26. Have an original samurai sword made for me in Japan and ship it home, have on the mantle it in my house…
27. Go on a spending spree in Harrods.. ok.. this will require A LOT of number 24.
28. Fall in love with abandon and without condition
29. Drive a Bugatti Veyron at 268miles per hour on the Autobahn
30. Obtain a Masters degree in Communication.

Well, that is all for now – it seems a shame that I only have 30 things on that list.. but I guess all the rest revolve around the idea of mentoring and helping people ...

And also I can hear you snoring from here!!!! HA HA HA :-)

I do have a few "silly things" I would like to do that is not world-changing.. but some fun activites I would LOVE to do.. that is for next time...

BRAZILIAN FORMULA 1 GRAND PRIX... INTERLAGOS...

Well, I contemplated taking off to the final race of the year In Brazil.. (Nov, 2nd) - Everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting for Lewis Hamilton and Felipe Massa to get down to the wire and see who will take the championship.. but.. the tickets are sold out solid. Good thing, too, I don't think my boss would have been impressed with me taking more time off for racing HA HA HA.

Also, I need to protest somewhere that the F1live.com site has Mclaren as their main picture. I mean - hello! Ferarri are the current champions.. what the hell? Where does Mclaren get off putting their ugly car as the main pic! pfffffffffffffft. whatever.

Weekend trip to Houston.

I went to Houston this past weekend. I have only been to San Antonio - in Texas - I heard of 2 really nice cities to visit 1) Dallas 2) Houston.. So, I got a great deal on flights and took off.

Leaving budgets and other (crap :-)) behind... I had no plan really, except to visit Lakeside church. Houston was great. A strange little city where I kept on getting "De Ja Vu" at every corner for some reason. Not sure why. The shopping in Houston is great - nice huge malls.. some snobby sales guy saw me coming in the Fendi store :-( He showed me the "baby Fendi Spy bag" Argh! It sucks to not just be able to pick up the bag that my heart WANTS anymore! Nevermind.. It's material... worldly... stuff (she keeps telling herself). Character building stuff - that's for SURE!

I also visited the NASA Houston Space centre, that was pretty awesome! WOW. I have never been too interested in Space exploration, even though I saw the space shuttle take off from Kennedy Space centre a few years ago. But this experience just opened and expanded my mind and the wonderment of what mankind gets up to out there in all sorts of areas.. Really cool!

Had a great dinner at a restaurant called Sambuca downtown. I visited Joel's church, though he was not there, it was a cool experience. Reminded me of back home a little. It was nice. There wasn't as much himidity as I had anticipated, the weather was great - so I had a decent hairstyle all weekend! Teehee

The Houston culture is a little more dressy than in Denver, which was nice not to feel overdressed because of the type of style I enjoy.

That's about it really, It is such an easy flight hop, too - So that was great. No check in luggage, just a small carry on with bare essentials, and a great fuss-free weekend!

Houston.. we have NO problem! :-))

Random babblings of Delise Moore at midnight... ;-)

What is it that gives your soul sigh
Unregarded curl, unrefrained
What makes the stars less bright
Overshadowed by a deeper brilliance
What darkly seduces your heart
Lead astray
At the loss of rationale, awakened to emotion
Feeling...deeply, darkly
What extends your soul and shortens your breath
To a gasp.. to a sigh.. breathless, speechless
Boundless, endless
What bleeds your pain and fills your heart
And bubbles over the fountain of your being
You see the mountains kiss high heaven,
The sunlight clasp the earth and the moonbeams caress the ocean
Yet unimpressive in comparison..

“The mind has a thousand eyes,

And the heart but one;

Yet the light of a whole life dies

When love is done.”
Said one wise man.. when love stays far from heart

How can your soul utter it’s expression
Dead in silence, it waits.. for the awakening, refreshing
Yearning and yielding
To unfold the secrets of the breath that gives it life

like open doors... leading you down into that core
To bear the fruit of your passion in the bosom of one who holds all your adoration
Into a seamless world where you laugh.. where you smile
Where you cry
How can you possess and have your heart possessed filled to the overflowing
Of everything inside your being
Tempted, rendered helpless

free from the shadows of romance -

a gasp of sweet surrender to the intoxication of love

being real.. being human
The song of praise, ecstasy and passion on the lips of your inner being….

What gives your soul sigh?

Movie and Life Update

At last. I watched a really good movie last weekend. It was the new Leo DiCaprio / Russel Crowe movie. I really enjoyed the intensity. It left me with a desire to visit Jordan. I attended a majority muslim school most of my school career, and it gave me an indepth insight into and undertstanding of Muslim people. Their culture, beliefs and passion for their religion. And watching this movie reminded me of that time. Definitely worth watching.

I think Leo is my second favourite actor now. I loved him in "Blood Diamond", The departed and Gangs of New York (The love scene in Gangs of New York.. wow!) and now in this movie - he is a great actor. And he gets better looking the older he gets I was never into him in Titanic..

Leo, If you are reading this blog.. it's nothing personal! :-))

My life update is rather boring. Really - all I have been doing with my entire life these days is work. I haven't been to any new, exciting restaurants or cocktail lounges at all. I have been to work.. home and to work some more... All the interesting people who call me, don't even call me anymore, because I am so unavailable.

Atleast this weekend, I am getting out of town for a bit - going to Houston, Texas. Should be fun - oh, and it's WAY warmer than Denver right now!

GONE CRAZY!!!!!

So I uploaded a TON of pictures of myself on Facebook... If you are interested in looking at boring pictures of me :-)

Go to Facebook and search for me: Delise Jade Moore.... Ofcourse you have to sign in / up to check them out... teehee

You shall be free indeed

when your days are not without a care

nor your nights without a want and a grief,

but rather when these things girdle your life

and yet you rise above them

naked and unbound.

-- Kahlil Gibran

MY BEST FRIEND..

You hold my secrets in your heart.. you protect my happiness and you hold my tears and joys in the palm of your hand..


AG INGY.... It was such a privilege to be your Maid of Honor last month.. your wedding was so romantic, awesome, inspiring.. after everything you guys have been through... I am so glad you finally have each other forever (at-bloody-last!), to give yourself wholly and completely to the love of your hearts.. sigh... please don't forget me.. If I don't get to stay here... You know I am moving in right???! :-) MYL LYL!!!!


Antonie.. Please re-read what I wrote in your "goodbye book"when you left for the UK.. I may be little... but I will.....!! :-) "I Love you" my friend!

ENOUGH WITH THE MELODRAMA

Ok - I heard that I have been a little too intense lately on my blog (can you blame me?? - emotions run deep - passion is intense.. pain is intense)..

Anyway, I had a really great, relaxed weekend. All by myself. Everyone was out of town this weekend, so I did a little reorganizing of my belongings and of my mind. I went to see a movie. OK - do you know the reason I don't give regular movie reviews.. because I watch so many movies, If I have to give a review, that is ALL this blog will be about! (And after Batman - really what's the point of movies anymore.. nothing can compare) ...

I watched a soppy love story with Richard Gere and Diane Lane. Yes, I know not my usual genre of choice.. of the 4 movies I watch in the Cinema per week regularly.. Soppy tear-jerkers are really last on the list. So there I sat with a crowd of women, holding their tissues and popcorn in anticipation of drooling over Gere and crying over love that can or can never be.. and I rolled my eyes at the thought! ha ha

The movie actually turned out to be pretty sweet. For those who don't know me all that well, here is a little insight... I have a very soft heart, but you are yet to get a tear out of me at a romance movie! It's because my brain goes into too much :"OH PLEASE" details to enjoy the fact that there is love that is born in the space of a day between two complete strangers that just happens to last forever! :-)

Ok Amy - whatever - I KNOW it's possible... but you know me, I first have to analyze the romance teehee.

Ok enough babbling. Work has me pulling my hair out like you can't believe. Budget time drives me crazy - "this too shall pass..."

Nevermind.. I am off to have a good soak and read an inspiring book and drift off to far away places....

xxx

"When you are sorrowful.. look again in your heart and you shall see that in truth...you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Love has no other desire than to fulfil itself

but if you love and must needs have desires - let these be your desires:

To melt..

and be like a running brook that sings its' melody to the night

to know the pain of too much tenderness

to be wounded by your own understanding of love

and to bleed..

willingly and joyfully

to wake at dawn with a winged heart and rejoice and be thankful

for another day of loving."

The Highs and Lows...

Singapore seems like a distant memory already - even though it was only days ago!!! - my life got really busy at work again.. and at the same time took a little "left" turn into the land of uncertainty and disappointment. Well, that is fine, roll with the punches and just try to stay positive and focussed!


As I started to say in a few previous postings. Though my world around me can sometimes seem like it is closing in and like every ground I make up, I seem to lose almost instantaneously.. I still feel a stirring in my soul.. something on the horizon. I have the restless desperation to want to make things happen NOW - even though I do not know what it is, yet..


"Let the lover pull you to your feet and hold you close, dancing.. even when fear urges you to sit this one out".


I want to talk today about courage. I have been known for most of my life to play on the "safe side". I went from my father's house to my husband's house - so I lived a pretty sheltered type of life. I have always had a sense of security and the "known" factor was always there.


I have had many great experiences and have many great memories... however, I find myself at a crossroads where I can no longer lay in the cushions, hoping life will lend me a hand and send me directly into the life of comfort and luxury and security. I know I need to make changes and deny my risk aversity - if I truly want to do something amazing.


To get to the "Amazing" however.. there is a hard road, with hard decisions...


I didn't sleep a wink last night - No, it wasn't jetlag - it was my mind and my heart disquieted, there I lay on the edge of restlful darkness. The night is still. The room is lit only by the lights from the streets downtown in the distance.. Everyone has gone to sleep.. the defenses of my mind fade away from the day where I am guarded and focussed.. I close my eyes...


My heart starts to feel the old familiar deep longings.. grasping in my minds eye for the dreams I long to fulfil. The past 2 weeks have been a mixture of heightened elation and tremulus disappointment, emotional pain and renewed hopes all at the same time.


Something started being cultivated.. a sacred mystery of which I cannot yet speak.. yet so far out of my own grasp that it makes me wonder is this a cruel joke that the universe decided upon at the very time when my life is at an impass??


Although I have been risk averse in general - I am also tenacious in the things that I want. I pursue - I conquer - but the ambiguity filters in when other people are involved... I am not a forceful person over other people's wills and emotions. I will not impose myself upon them. I have been accused of not being pursuant enough in that regard.. it goes against my nature.. but will I lose out and miss out the very connections, the very answers that I look for? is "not doing" - "doing nothing"... hmmm I cannot find the answer to that question as yet.


Ok - I apologize, I am being a little cryptic. Back to the subject of 'Courage'.


Experiences in life are like the water you heat for a bath..it takes messages between the fire and the skin.. it lets them meet.. and it cleanses you.


Why is life so hard? So complicated? How do I unravel all the insanity to have the control within me? Courage? Maybe not - maybe no one can control anything.


Happiness won't find me, right? I have to find it - but do i need motivation in order to muster up courage? Ok, let me clarify - this does not mean I am UNhappy.. it only means that the soul of my soul and heart of my heart is longing for its fulfilment, I cannot pass my life without reaching for it. But, oh what great a price do I have to pay??


That is what I need courage for.. not for DOING it... but being prepared for what it TAKES to do it.


this is me - right:


"Some say the world will end in fire
Some say the world will end in ice

from what I've tasted of desire
i hold with those who favor fire"


Yeah - yeah - my mantra? words? I said 2 weeks ago i did something unorthodox and got something really great from it. What is now needed to take the next step?

Well, I have to end this post here - because I think I waffling. I will make more sense - when life makes more sense :-)