People with sick minds....

So, i had a good weekend (for the most part). I watched a movie, got quite a few things done. Had my makeup done and for a change i didnt look like a transvestite or a clown!

I also measured my turtles. Big turtle's shell is now 4inches!! and from head to tail he is 61/2 inches! man what a monster. Little turtle is only 1 inch long - shame poor thing and he gets trampled on day after day!

I excitedly posted my boerewors on here in declaration of the fact that my roots are still firmly planted... i have only received rather rude comments about it from sickos!! Yes, you know who you are!! LOL.. Actually it doesnt look good as i said in my post - because of how the pic looks but i made it with grilled onions in tomato gravy with rice.. it was YUM YUM.

This week started off pretty good, alot of my stress has been alleviated, even though i still remain really busy - it is manageable. I had my review yesterday and it went really well, too. So i am happy, the universe is aligned and all is well with my soul...

And this is me.. aging.. but smiling.. cause life is good!

Kosi Sikelele Afrika

Yep i did it.. Finally - i ordered a boat load of Boerewors, koeksisters, Boudoirs, pies (yes, pies! LOL).. it cost a fortune. But last night was boerewors night, i didn't have the pap and spices, but i tried to make it as home-like as possible and it was so nice. After getting an email from my mum saying she was always making it the same night.. when i smelled the familiar smell, i could easily have closed my eyes and been right there in her kitchen.. Hearing her hysterical laughter at some stupid antics on Sevende Laan or something.. ok dit lyk nou nie so lekker in die prentjie nie, maar dit het heerlik geproe!!!! Hmm hmmm

Yum.. these are the little things in life that you miss from whence you came... oh the joys.

Ok, it has taken me an entire week to reply to the magnitude of email responses my romance post generated LOL.

I have a follow up to post on that subject, but not today! :-)

Ramble... ramble...

The Massage
Well, last weekend, i went for a massage.. which is nothing unusual for me, but i constantly get disappointed. This is how it all started...

In about 1999 while i was sitting in my college classroom in my final year, i starting feeling very dissatisfied with my size 12 body (South African size 12 - not American!!).. So i looked for a gym to join, but could not stand the idea of Virgin Active or Planet Fitness with all their blonde botox bimbos, superficial meat factory stereotypical persona that was created around that scene, so even though i only paid like R50 per month because i was on Discovery, i decided to pay my R300 a month and joined Lady of America.. (Side note.. now i AM lady of America LOLOLOL)

I had my own personal trainer and i went 3 times a week - it was great - very exclusive, had a great coffee bar, great classes and my trainer was a torture master...as i was kicking my own butt on the treadmill one day, my eyes were distracted by the salon hidden in the little corner.. after my routine i went by to see what they offer.. and that was the end of me and my personal trainer, the 4 years that followed i spent 5 days a week in the salon, getting lymph drainage, mud wraps, massages even to the end of me making a bid to buy the salon.. The rest is history - from day one Sabrina and i - it was destiny!!!! And so needless to say i didnt get any fitter, but my hair, skin and body looked great thanks to thousands of Rands, thousands of great conversations and the best Beauty / Body therapist known to man...

And then i had to leave it all behind and when i came here, this is America after all..it all comes from here, right?? Wrong.. firstly, it costs a fortune and then the therapists here seem like they are only willing to do the bare minimum of anything, it is as if manual labor just costs a fortune. And oh, shock and horror, you have to tip people here in Salons (i kid you not!) Ag. I go for a massage almost once a week now, but there is always a new therapist and i always get a back rub.. i mean really - how does it suck to have your back rubbed by someone who isnt buying you dinner and drinks and great conversation and then YOU have to still pay for it - argh! Who needs it!

So please feel sorry for me.. it's a hard life that i have chosen....


The Training
So, my boss asked me to conduct training on some technical systems that we have implemented. Now bear in mind, i have been in IT for 3 seconds.. so i stress myself to death for weeks, trying to make the material as simple, yet comprehensive as possible, WHILE teaching myself what is going on, so that i can be knowledgeable enough to train others and not look like a plonker in the process.. So then while having some stomach bug, feeling weak.. today was the training and my boss virtually did all the training himself! Which, i guess on one hand was good cause i learnt alot too.. but on the other hand.. i stressed for nothing, and didnt even get to do what i wanted LOL (Ok well to be fair, i did a little.. but not nearly enough to have stressed over!)

The week
Apart from the above which has almost entirely consumed me, it has been a very busy week - and also frustrating because my computer conked in for which i was blamed the entire week for not backing up my documents.. i took it with a pinch of salt and just made do- today i got my data back finally, though still sans computer.. i just came home and had to laugh.. i think i am so used to ACTUALLY meeting deadlines and actually stressing for a REASON, that it feels kinda ridiculous that i am forever the only one who stresses!!! What a raw deal - i need to learn to relax!! But i did get to go to a Rockies baseball game on Thursday and sat in the Club section which was awesome, and we had a female streaker across the field that was wild man!

The weekend past
Ok this post is a little outta control! I am working my way backwards.. but who cares...

I went to Washington Park this weekend, oh how nice it was to lay on a park bench like a homeless person, not a care in the world, listening to the water softly crashing against the fake river bank, hearing the faint laughter of children, the bark of a dog in the distance.. oh the peace... and there is nothing that ruins that swiftly like the startling sound of: "Excuse me, do you know what time it is"! Or something equally irritating! But all in all, it was so liberating to have some quiet time and Vitamin D... I also hung out on Sunday with my good friend, Shirley and her kids, who thoroughly enjoyed seeing the turtles again... and i enjoyed them as well.

Finally..
It seems as if winter is finally bidding us a farewell.. and tennis season, grand prix season and all of that.. so yes.. despite physical agony and mental drain.. life is awesome!


WHAT????

Hopeless romantic ...

Ok , I had to laugh, I got this U-tube video on Facebook the other day – which gives you 5 steps on how to be more romantic.

Firstly, let me just say, I am by far a hopeless romantic.. (and before the laughter begins), let me qualify by saying, that I AM SUCH a romantic.. but convention of expression is not my style.

Ok so (shut up and) listen: (LOL):

They say (these are now the experts):

1) Make time for each other (like date night)

My comment: Ok, I will give you that one.. time is necessary for romance.. date night? Come on, really force yourself to have some “date” booked and then do something you are too tired and PMSed to do.. that’s NOT romantic. And then you are just relieved that you had your “date night” to prove that your relationship is not in the crapper!

2) Leave each other little notes:

Ok this idea sucks. It all starts with: “hey schnookums, see you tonight. Miss you” / "Love you, million kisses".. then it becomes: “hey ass, have you done the dishes” – “are you ever gonna pick up that towel in the bathroom” and following it up with “honey” or xxx doesn’t make it romantic!!

3) Write each other little love letters expressing your feelings.

Hey People, we live in the age of Facebook, email, IM, text, phone, Webcam, webex and all that.. I can see how to some, taking your carpel tunneled hand to write words that frankly are better said by hallmark and found on google, would seem romantic to some.. I guess.. to see their genetics and unique DNA on paper in an attempt to tell you, you are special..ok MAYBE - but really – who has the freaking time to kill MORE trees, find the scrap book that the dog probably peed on to write something that SHOULD really be said in person??????


4) Cook each other a romantic dinner at home.. and the U-tube lady added, maybe feed the food to each other…

Ok, I like this idea.. there is nothing that says romance like getting badly cooked curry under your newly painted fingernails to shove into your partners mouth (which now smells like curry and garlic) and watching the clumsy clod mess all over his clothes – which you have to clean later that week!

No!!! be realistic about romance!!

I was once asked, how can love and romance be realistic, isn't the very nature of love and romance irrational?? Oh it SO can be realistic and rational and when it is, its SO much better – I am not talking about being programmed, being boring.. but all this stereotypical crap sets people up for failure.

So, no I am not wet blanket or a romance assassin. I just believe in fun, in experience, in spontaneity, in reality, in being passionate and explorative. And being yourself makes it romantic.. Cause I mean face it so many women force their husbands to buy them flowers when their husbands could care diddly about flowers and when the weekly demand doesn’t come “he doesn’t love her”. And the paw-paw hits the fan!! and when he sends his secretary to get flowers and post to her work.. she thinks: "ahh my husband is SUCH a romantic" - puke...

You need to speak the love language that your partner speaks, we all have our own unique language and when yours is touched and spoken your heart responds - and stop listening to Dr Ruth, an 80 year old telling you what granny fanny panties makes for romance…

:-P

This is Dr LoveJade… over and out!

My OMG moment

This has been a tough week (once again) only because I went to work poorly with the flu and mind absorbed in deadlines I have and the work piling on. As I went clambering along the footpath briefly observing the left over snow on the green grass, a question started to pop into my mind, have I been absent from the experience of my own life? I have always tried to maintain a healthy balance between my busy, demanding profession and my passions, hobbies and social activities…

But I feel of late as if I have been absorbed - mind and body - in my work. I don’t have a strategy, I have fire fighting, desperately attempting to shift things, to balance things to be good at my job, since its such a new industry and venture to me..

The more the thoughts convolute my mind, the more I started to realize and then relax…

Anxiety is a normal first reaction to life and the overwhelming magnitude of things there are to learn and to get done.

Then my thoughts turn to destiny. I believe vehemently and with conviction in destiny. I do not believe in predestination, however.

The difference for me is this:

Predestination speaks of a predetermined purpose wrapped up in a very specific destination. Like a specific job, or vocation or life path. And no matter the road you choose (or don’t choose), it will lead you to become or do that one thing.

Destiny is when you are destined for a purpose in life holistically, that does not encompass a specific vocation. And yes, all roads will lead you to that end because it is part of your make up – and you can choose not to follow that destiny and never get there. Sounds like a contrary to the definition of destiny but in reality it is not. Destiny is that there is a path mapped out in your make up but you still have to choose to follow it – its about being destined for greatness…being destined for leadership. You have the qualities, but it’s still your choice whether you get there and how you get there.

So on that note, my OMG moment was remembering that the reason each job I am blessed with, regardless of how different, how new, how minimal, I always seem to be challenged in the same way – steered in the same direction. And then fear sets in.. .. and today I realized, its not because I am awesome (even though i am !LOL), but because I have a destiny and the road of life steers me toward it, and when I came to this realization, I could relax and just run with it.

Seek Not My Heart
by Kit McCallum

Oh gentle winds 'neath moonlit skies,

Do not you hear my heartfelt cries?

Below the branches, here about,

Do not you sense my fear and doubt?

Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams,

Do not you hear my woeful screams?

Upon the meadows, touched with dew,

Do not you see my hearts a'skew?

Beneath the thousand twinkling stars,

Do not you feel my jagged scars?

Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze,

For you'll not find it 'mongst these trees.

It's scattered 'cross the moonlit skies,

Accompanied by heartfelt sighs.

It's drifting o're the gentle rain,

A symbol of my silent pain.

It's buried 'neath the meadow fair,

Conjoined with all the sorrow there.

It's lost among the stars this night,

Too far to ease my quiet fright.

No gentle winds, seek not my heart,

For simply ... it has torn apart.

Another weekend... gone baby gone...

I had a pretty good weekend. I just relaxed at home on Friday night. Saturday i went to the 9 Healthfair in the morning, which was really good and informative. You pay only $30 and have your whole physical done including blood tests, hearing and eye test, dental - you name it! After that we went for brunch and a movie. Saturday evening was a blast, one of our friends have some friends who have been accepted to be cheerleaders for a major Pro Football team and so we joined them to celebrate. I met so many cool people and danced the night away. It was really fun.

Sunday i woke up having to fight off a cold. Argh. I went for a long morning walk to the park to enjoy the sunshine and relaxed at Starbucks for a bit. The rest of the day i just potted around and had a 2 hour conversation with my best friend! That was pretty awesome. I napped the rest of the afternoon and woke up feeling like a train ran over me, reversed and tried again! LOL

but here i am at work slogging away as usual.

All in all, the weekends are too short, the weekdays are too long, summer seems like it's an eternity away and tomorrow never comes!

But hey life is superfantastic!!!

Weighty Matters


So, tell me, what is the point of “eat less and move more”?

For the past 3 weeks now I have been jumping around rooms like a drunk chicken, cheeks bobbing , boobs slapping me in the face, sweating like a pig, all in the attempt to shed some of me. All the while attempting the near starvation “diet” and even worse, refraining from all things sugar, when I hopped on the scale, the few 10ths of a pound that I lost gave me somewhat motivation to continue.

Then, I attempt to put on my work pants and the button, which is practically hanging on by a thread from tugging it toward the hole, disappears into my overflowing muffin top belly fat. What’s up with that? So I stomp off to work in a huff, pants snuggling the overflow, I trip and twist my ankle in the pesky spring snow storm..

!!!Oh, no wait!! Did you JUST ask me why i still wore the pants????? (don't go there!)

Anyway, while all this drama is going in, flaring my cheeks up in annoyance, I suddenly have an epiphany…

For the past few months I have been religiously and addictively going to Starbucks on my way to work and getting my morning NON-FAT Chai Tea,( being sure to not use my first name on the cup so that pesky regulars don’t call on me by name!).. so I thought maybe, I need to let go, with much despair and anguish of my morning fix… and start trying something else (like water!).
And by George if that doesn’t work then I am gonna find some scientist or plastic surgeon to dissect the fat that loves me so much it clings for dear life!!!… so today is a sad day as I say farewell to my friend and beloved companion…

Tuesday - Fright night

Ok, check it.. here i am sitting in from of my PC (as i have done all of last week, including the weekend!) Working....

Today was a buyadaaful day! I lost all the above mentioned work and had to start all over again - aint life grand!

Thankfully, i had an angel from heaven helping me day and night - to whom i now owe my kidney (or some other organ - because nothing less will suffice in thanks!)!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! ;-)

But all in all... the nightmare should shortly be coming to an end and will hopefully result in positivity and success!

Look - can you see how impressed i am????

Weekend wrap up

I can't really tell you what i did this weekend, it was a blur between sleep, Grand Prix at 5am and work.. yes - you heard - work. Bleg.. Well, all things come to an end sometime,right?

But i went to some car racing this weekend too, that was pretty fun. Pics attached. I decided you probably won't be very interested in pics of me sleeping or working, so i decided to refrain, for your sanity sake.

hey bright side : Monday is over! heehaarr.

Moving forward..means moving to begin with..


I am at the cross road of change once again in my life, and i realized, i don't like it! Sometimes, it takes me straight from the mountain of surety to the valley of uncertainty.


There on the edge of restful darkness, as the daily defenses of my mind crumble to relinquish its days' busyness, forbidden thoughts and sometimes unwanted feelings make a bid for consciousness, panic sometimes sets in as i peel through the layers of work i had not done, chores unfinished... once all the layers are gone in the nakedness of my thoughts... i start to think.. what if things don't work out ok for me?


Despite my efforts to increase my awareness of my own limitations, i still take on too many tasks, as if to fill the jar of my life with so much activity, that reality finds no place. Doesn't this sound strange, coming from me? The one who longs for realness? Who longs to live every moment of pain and passion of life...


Yes, there are times such as this when i am at a loss for answers to what lies ahead, is believing that things always turn out for good, enough to make it so?


Standing on the edge of my life... what will be??

Today i took a drive to the "World Market", in search of some South African food of sorts, i went by two and neither of them had any Mrs Balls, Nandos or anything, the only thing they had was flake and aero (and yes i got some of both!)..

So i walked through the store, really depressed and missing home, because i could not find anything that would satisfy my craving.. i then bumped into two rude South Africans, and the longing swiftly went away lololol..

Anyway, i am sitting and relaxing, eating my flake.. mmmm life is good again.

Let nothing trouble you.

Let nothing scare you.

All is fleeting.

God alone is unchanging.

Patience

Everything obtains.

Who possesses God

Nothing wants.

God alone suffices.

Drawing circles.....


I was thinking today how big a believer I am in drawing a circle around yourself and your life, and then putting the people and the dreams you love, and your peace and sanity inside that circle and vehemently protecting it. We are on a constant search for the marriage of meaning and matter, and when that happens inside your circle, your heart is secure.

Connected to that is the innate need to point to the fundamental beauty and fire of physical existence. When I have a week like this one that has just drawn curtain and I feel utterly exhausted to my core, as if I have extracted everything I have inside me, in order to accomplish the job that I have chosen for this point in my life, sometimes, I feel like giving it up for something “easier”.

This is when I need to dig deeper, and remind myself of the impermanence of such things. When I sit back and find the core of being and breathe in the remembrance of the largeness of life, it is like finding my soul’s deep impulse for the things that go beyond the everyday tasks.

Today is such a day…

For my sanity I need to pursue with passion to live beyond just an embodied life.

I was sitting down in front of my computer tonight feeling the effects of the week’s physical and mental exhaustion… I didn’t want to look at the computer screen, nor type another letter, or even generate thoughts in my mind.. I had a massage today, which helped somewhat with the quest for physical relaxation.. but the burning in my heart.. the need to write.. haunts me, and here I am again.. in that old familiar place in my soul, on keys…

I realized today, too, that paradoxically, we must take seriously the life we have been given while at the same time, taking ourselves, our hopes and aspirations and fantasies, and fears, with a proverbial grain of salt.

So, do I laugh or cry? Maybe both will help exhale from the parts that hurt from being overworked and overtired and to escape the paralysis of the inner voice that says: “I can’t go on like this”… , I remember that life is a blessing. I have my circle around me, firmly drawn with clear, definite lines.

Not everyday will be moments of unfettered enthusiasm, whole hours of effortless flows…. But in the stillness and peace of my heart, I can be grateful for the fact that no matter how small… what I do matters. This gives me the joy I need to extract from this short life that we have the privilege to live.

So, on that note… sleep helps too! J Good night.

Whoever put in an order for this week.. can they please cancel it, take it back or be shot, because it SUCKED!!!!

Man alive, i have never been this busy - i worked this week from 7am till 10 - 11pm almost every day! And i am STILL not done with work. What a life. I always dreamed of life in America, i didnt realize that some days, life would be a bloody ass nightmare.

Anyway, look on the bright side... Friday always comes

and just in bloodywell time!