SINGAPORE

THE RACE

So – I flew off to Singapore for a week. The purpose for my trip (as if one ever needs a “purpose” to go to an exotic place!) – was the F1 race. I arrived after a million hours in flight – at 1am in the vibrant, hot, humid city – which I learned is also a country, island and a capital.
So I knew it was going to be a lot of walking, waiting, excitement.. but I had NO idea it was going to be this much fun – more than I ever imagined. There was such elation and excitement in the air, even people who had no interest in the actual racing on a regular basis bought expensive tickets to see history in the making. Formula One has advanced and changed over the years, it is currently the most technologically advanced sport in the field and the drivers are of worlds’ best athletes, extreme talent and cute too! Young guys earning millions in the most watched sport on the planet.
Anyway, my love for Formula One goes way back to the era of Michael Schumacher, I came in after Senna died, but was hooked ever since. So with program, maps and plans in hand, flat shoes and my racing gear on – head out to all the practice sessions, having cocktails in the hotels where the drivers and the teams are staying (yes, like a stalker!). It paid off since I met and got autographs of all the drivers – except for Lewis Hamilton (whatever – NO comments!!!!)
I cannot even describe how beautiful the city is, the track which is only one of 3 road circuits – runs right through the city in between and around the malls, lit up and from the aerial view looks like a streak of lightning shooting through this magnificent city surrounded by the ocean. I got onto the “Singapore Flyer” which is very similar to the “London Eye” and managed to see the whole city as far as the eye can see. Beautiful – high sky scrapers a densely populated city, advanced technology, beautiful modern buildings.
I cannot even find words to describe what race day was like. We got to our places at about 3pm for the 8pm race. Camped on the grounds and waited, ate, chatted, met interesting people, had naps, whatever it took to pass the waiting time. Yes, it’s not just a sport for me – it’s a passion. If I could go back in time in my life I would definitely try to get into the sport, unfortunately the only drivers my age are already either dead or retired already!!
So that was the race, a historical moment – one that is so firmly planted in my memory as one of the best experiences I have had!

THE CITY

So apart from the racing – I did manage to see some of the city. I had no feeling in my feet left by the time I got onto the plane to go to Tokyo – seriously, I just wanted to see and do everything, ofcourse, jetlag is the weirdest thing, you get to bed at 4am and then you think you will sleep till like 9am and get going, but your body is wide awake at 6am and after 12pm you are ready for bed again! Some days I took the train from the track and went back to the hotel to just nap for an hour to obey my bodily needs. But when it mattered I was wide awake, smiling, happy and feeling like a pig in Palestine!
The first morning after scoping out the track, I walked through some of the malls. Singapore has the most shopping malls in one strip than I can remember seeing anywhere. Everything is accessible. English is the language people use for business and administration although there is such diversity in Singapore. I was quite surprised to see old familiar things too – everything is SO British! They have all the British shops, banks and the underground works much the same. They even say: “mind the gap”!!
(Man I miss London!)
Anyway, I booked a city tour as well, saw some of the cultural markets, the temples and ate some really weird food – everything is awake and alive until 3am in the city – so the jetlag worked in my favor. I saw how people live, saw the beauty of nature and the orchid gardens, the churches that are used not as churches but rather as a wedding venue and nothing else. The old mosques and temples. Walked through a Hindu temple as well – it was so pretty the temple is open, no enclosed walls and it was raining outside while people were inside preparing for prayers, it was very romantic. The many cafes and restaurants. I didn’t do too much shopping, I bought a few things, but I was more interested in walking the alley ways, meeting the people, seeing the architecture, tasting the food, seeing their art and creativity, trying to figure out what people there are passionate about. I often stand at the traffic lights in new places and just close my eyes, take a deep breath and just savor the smells of the city, of the people, listen to the different dialects, listen to how the cars drive by, their footsteps.. seeing how people dress. It’s just amazing to me – to be absorbed in a new culture, it makes me feel like a foreigner, yet as though I am part of them. One with the new world and it with me. I want it to become a part of me – not just a place I once visited. I went to a Chinese artist’ store who had the most incredible works of art made by his own hands. When you see the mind and heart of someone in the physical form of written words, hand crafted art, or hear it in a piece of music, it moves me. It makes me want to know and see more.
The city works very efficiently , the transport etc.– it is clean – clinically so. One of the shocking and disturbing things that I noticed when I just arrived through passport control, they give you a card to keep with you, which says: “warning: death for drug trafficking”.. these are things you see on movies and wonder how real it is! I have always been intrigued by Asian culture, the people are so docile, they are lawful and kind of move to the beat of the same drum, I guess it comes from a history and culture of being forced to obedience and militant ways of discipline, but there is something admirable about it too. At the race, everyone walks in the right lanes; everyone sits where they are supposed to. There is no violence or hooliganism… when you see people being disruptive – you know it’s the tourists!!
Well, anyway, I don’t want to be too long winded about it – I just had a fantastic time. A time of adventure, fun, reflection and rejuvenation. I come back with a mind full of memories and a heart full of appreciation. Changed and enriched.
Hey mum – I got you heaps of spoons! I will mail them soon ;-)
To recap my travels thus far, these are the countries I have now been to:
Gabon
Swaziland
Zimbabwe
Italy
France
UK
Australia
Dubai
The Bahamas
USA
Hong Kong
Bangkok
Thailand
Singapore

So many more to visit – my next hopeful destination: Barcelona.. we will see how I can make it happen!
My dream is to follow the F1 circuit one year – take a year off and just go to every race:
That would be:
Melbourne
Barcelona
Cataluña
Italy - Monza
France
UK
Brazil
Monaco
Bahrain
Spa – Belgium
Germany
Singapore
China
Japan
Canada

Malaysia

Budapest

One day.....

Lately feeling this restless burden as though fate had blundered over me to be an artisan for the whole remaining years of my existence…feeling as though I would suffer endlessly, feeling myself born for every delicacy and luxury.. only to spend the wealth of my charms, skills and abilities on making another rich..(that is what work feels like lately) I stretched and wracked my thoughts to come up with mind blowing, life changing inspiration. Or atleast just some peace and comfort in my emotions.

I realized the last few weeks that my words were dead.. my heart was sunken into a world where I could not find any inspiration anywhere, not even within myself. The contented bliss and peace which I had become accustomed to in the past few months seems like a distant memory.
All of a sudden I felt like “Candide” – the character in Voltaire’s tragic comedy with the same name!

Ok, so it took me a little while to get over the death of my turtle. Some people found it kind of funny, some people found it tragic – either way, I don’t think it was as much about a reptile as it was about having something which you value and brings you joy.. only to lose it.
So life goes on and I still have big turtle and I still love him.
At the moment I am sitting on the plane flying to Hong Kong….
You know – I don’t even know how to start this blog and you know that something is seriously peculiar for that to be the case, right? When “Miss Delise” word-freak – suddenly becomes speechless.

It is funny how in a moment your life can change you forever.

This is how the story begins:
4 weeks ago my good friend, close to my heart, was in a motorbike accident, he is in the hospital still, temporarily paralyzed.. My heart aches so much it makes me unable to eat properly – food no longer is appealing... I just can’t seem to concentrate on anything else – I feel helpless. Why? What do I do? How can I make it better? Where do I get the power to go back in time and change things? My mum has told me endless times, because she knows me so well – she would say in her Afrikaans: “ You cannot take so much of people’s pain on yourself and in your own heart, you need to be stronger so you can help them, and you need to put things into perspective, your life cannot cease because it’s hurt”…. I didn’t listen. The day after I found out about the accident (which was already the end of the day after it had happened), I called her – wailing from my soul. Broken. I was not even able until today to write about it… it has been so hard.

So there I am – asking God – what can I do? How does the pain go away?
Last Friday I decided to do something extremely unorthodox and out of character…. There is a speaker whom I had known for years, whose teachings I have followed and who has had a great impact on my life since I was 15 years old. I heard that he was in town, but he was speaking at a men’s conference an hour and a half drive away -I thought bugger it – I need to go – I need to have my soul enriched and have the darkened places brightened with some encouragement.
So, I get there and I thought maybe I could be inconspicuous and just sit in the back and listen… but when I arrived all heads turned – all these guys looked like rough biker boys gathering for a fist fight, a drag race or some other animal sacrificing ritual or something! They were so friendly to me, though, they gave me free stuff and all seemed very apologetic that they had not thought to dress more carefully – which I found kind of funny!
What a great message and a great service, I got over my discomfort enough to just allow God into the pain. And as it turns out it was as if in the corner of a dark room a tiny light was lit.

I don’t know why – but I just knew that night, my whole life was about to change – not sure how, who, what or when.. but I knew it and a sense of peace starting to creep in.

Later the weekend, I met up with a good friend we talked – we laughed, we connected.. Have you ever sat with someone while your heart was buried – and it is as if they just took a shovel and dug a little hole…and the more time you spend with them and the more you talk with them.. the hole gets bigger and your heart starts to see the light of day?

That was the beginning. Today on my flight to San Francisco – I walk to my seat and a young gorgeous girl – with awe striking beauty is in the seat next to me.. she looks up at me and smiles, her face radiant – she has the deepest dimples and the most perfect skin – I think wow what a beautiful girl. I sit down next to her and she is singing a song…However, I think to myself – she can sing, but I hope she won’t be chatting because I am so tired, all I want to do is sleep. That is what flights are good for these days!– I can’t hear the song, but her voice resonates inside me… she starts talking to me and that was the end of me for 2 hours! The first thing she says is words from a poem… she tells me that she has learned how to live her passion, how to take her soul from beyond the opinions of people and live freely with it.. she sparkles as she talks, her eyes like fire – Her face a true index of her mind. talking about how if you live with only an open hand or a closed fist you will be paralyzed because your life has to constantly open and close to the joys and pains.. and now you KNOW I am listening – right?? Who does that sound like!! She talked about how she shaved her hair off once because it made her look beautiful and it was not that she didn’t value beauty she wanted people to see her – even if in shock, she wanted to deprive the world of enjoying her femininity only to see her soul and to hear her voice. It didn’t work – because people found her all the more exotic and intriguing. We had a fantastic conversation, a young mixed Native American and Spanish, intelligent, passionate stranger who awoke my spirit for 2 hours.

My heart is strangely touched… all of a sudden because of recent encounters – I am awakened.. my heart flutters at the thought of positive possibilities.. an anticipation grows in me. I realize that does not take away the pain entirely, it is not supposed to.. but when one is infused with the smallest of hopes that you will find and be what you want to find and be in life, what your soul longs and searches for… it makes the pain bearable, it gives you strength.. that is the power of hope and it comes in all forms… in this case the recent encounters with people.. unexpected long lost friends and perhaps even strangers.

The Value of Silence

"Contemplation is essentially a listening in silence, an expectancy... In other words, the true contemplative is not the one who prepares his mind for a particular message that he wants or expects to hear, but who remains empty because he knows that he can never expect or anticipate the world that will transform his darkness into light. He does not even anticipate a special kind of transformation. He does not demand light instead of darkness. He waits on the Word of God in silence, and when he is ‘answered,’ it is not so much by a world that bursts into his silence. It is by his silence itself suddenly, inexplicably revealing itself to him as a word of great power, full of the voice of God.”

In order to connect my thoughts, my ideas and feelings, I turn to my need for silence, that of the world and of my own heart - in the moments when I am with myself and God alone. I have been going through a really tough time emtionally and psychologically with a friend of mine who currently lays in a hospital bed.. it's very hard to comprehend life in its entirety when the world speaks so loudly. So many words - as much as l love words and how they have the ability to form emotions, change worlds, encourage people and change lives.... Sometimes.. words need to cease in order that you may hear and listen fully and completely. There is nothing like a life altering circumstance to make you stop. Be still and quiet and realize. When such traumatic things happen in my life I suddenly become fully awake and spontaneously in awe of the sacredness of life. Then I remember the Source - the Almighty.. whom suffice it to say we take for granted at times....

In silence I get to know again that Source, obscurely, inexplicably, undoubtedly, but with a certitude that goes both beyond reason and simple faith.. It is a knowing.. I know life and I know God. And that is the only comfort one can have in life - the only sure and real thing. And how else, but through silence and meditation on what is true, what is real and what matters, can one appreciate all of this.

In prayer is power
In silence is realization
And in living with conviction and circumpection is reality.

“Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show."

I have often thought, like many have, about writing the story of my own life, some day.. then I wonder, has my life been interesting enough to make people want read it? or is the interest of your life, the uniqueness of your experiences and how you dealt with those enough ?

I read on my friend, Amy's blog such an awesome speech written by a novelist - an excerpt from it says:

"There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life."

And it had my innards jiving.. I have lived so much of my life with both tremulus anxiety and unbridled joy and how do you put those feelings and experiences on paper? How do you take your heart and write a book. Many have done it successfully... but I sat and thought today... what if words fail the expression of who I am? can i remain modest by being panegyrical yet critical enough to allow people to see all the bare sides of me?

While i was still writing this blog and posing this question to a friend, he remarked, is that not what this very blog is? hmmmmm

Is it though? Seems as if so much is left unsaid about myself.

This is the thing about flying....

Anyone who knows me - knows that I travel ALOT - and I love it!! But you know, flying itself is such a drag... I am always left a picture of disquietude, though a heightened appreciation for the privilege I have to see so many different places, But I cannot help frowning at the boredom and sheer irritation that accompanies the journey. I have tried quite a few things to pass the time... but it's the taking off of shoes at each security gate, and everyone who travels knows the drill.. yet, people faff and fidget and arsefart around so that it takes double the time and effort.

Then you realize no matter how much it annoys you, there really isn't much you can do - so with a displeasing smile, I go through the motions.. I adopt my silent, murderous mixture of timidity and boldness.. just enough to get through the crowd unscathed and get to my destination without being trampled on.

At times, I use this time to gather my thoughts, ponder on life and watch people. Other times, I plug in my MP3 player and blast the music till all I hear is drumming in my head...

The end of another trip and it feels great to experience the newness, the expansion of my senses and at the same time, coming home is a great feeling... So, as I ponder my 35 hour long journey to Singapore.. needless to say - I need to mentally prepare for that - and keep the goal in mind...

When I do - it all seems worth it!!

Weekend away

I just got back from a weekend in Connecticut / Massachusets. I didn't see much of the place because I went to attend a wedding, which was lovely, had a lot of fun.

It just seems as if when you travel on a weekend, no matter how much fun you have, you always feel like: "where did the weekend go"... I am at work super early again because I anticipate another nightmarish week! I have a few projects that just won't get done and training to do before I make my fantastical journey to Singapore!

The Death of a Turtle....

Well, just when I thought my life was bad enough these days... I woke up on Wednesday morning, to find my baby turtle mauled by the big one! Argh - it was nasty...

You know, I had never fancied myself a pet owner, much less a turtle owner. But when I inherited those two little guys from Val and Colin, I just fell in love with them. Especially the little one. He had the cutest "personality".. and he was a tough little guy - able to hold his own against big turtle...

I am not sure what went wrong and why big turtle went psycho... and then after I "buried" the baby, I decided I didn't want to keep big turtle anymore, because it just seemed wrong to have your pet with the your other pet in its belly! but as a few days passed... big turtle's whole personality just changed.. he seems so lonely. He keeps digging around the filter where little turtle used to hide... and when I am around he hides away, not like before when he used to get super excited and come swimming to me... he doesn't swim to me anymore... it seems as if he is saying: "I am sorry mamma..."... ARGH - Well, now how can I get rid of him now???

But then I am stuck with the dilemma of keep him and he is lonely.. get rid of him and who knows where he will end up I will be sad again...

:-(

Vegas

Last weekend - Labour Day weekend, I took off and went on a party trip to Vegas. It was totally awesome.

I won't give a detailed account - But it involved awesome, AWESOME Vegas shows - skanks on the streets, stunning magnificent clubs, the hot, desert roads of the strip filled with buzz, shopping beyond comprehension, getting ripped off :-(, winning a few bucks (heeehaaarr), Dancing, lights, huge buildings, exotic, expensive everything, walking until my legs cramped on the cramps!, Seeing beautiful white lions and tigers, GIANT turtles (made me miss big turtle! (who by the way stank up the house when I got home (sies!).

This was my second visit - and I was as amazed and bewildered as if it was the first!

What more can I say - if you haven't been to Vegas you have not lived La vida Loca. And I am telling you , there is no other place like it (that I know of).

I had a fun - fun time!