Update

Ok, so I U-Hauled myself from Denver's cold, snowy mountains, to the desert terrains of Arizona!

The trip was pretty painless, although long  - I and the turtle survived! (with all my furniture!)

I have been working from home which has been good - I have a nice little office set up for myself and been really busy.

I have a good routine going and living in a stunning apartment with all the amenities one could ask for - I have been frequenting the gym as well.

I really do miss all my friends in Denver, I miss Quark and I miss the office type environment, but life goes on and these are the hard choices one has to make :)

My thoughts at the moment:
Life just keeps getting more fantastic for me.  It should be illegal for someone to be this happy and have this much fortune and adventure!  But it doesn't come without challenges and don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share to go around!

Among the great moments in my life, which I prefer to focus on, I have had people attempt to attack my integrity, assassinate my character and judge me because of their own bitterness. But they have been unsuccessful.  Forgiveneness has always been my powerhouse, so I say - I learnt my lesson, I put up my armor and protect my life, forgive, let go and carry on!

December 2009
I have alot of wonderful things planned for this festive season. In about 3 hours from now - my South African friends arrive, we will be visiting LA, Las Vegas, Arizona and then they will go check out Miami.  Good times! I have to do all this while still working though!

It is already December, and as this year makes another revolution, it is time for me to look back on what can only be described as a "wild ride"!!!  SO many great memories, experiences and lessons.  I have grown as a person. I am inching toward uh-em (clears throat).. 35!! And I feel fantabulous!!

Next year, however is going to be the best, busiest one yet! I have such great expectation for what the year holds. For one thing, my blog is going to change completely.. so please watch this space, I am going to dial up the fun and be prepared to be changed, challenged, tickled and teased!

My blog is private at the moment until I can find a better way to protect my online "life" from people with bad intentions! But it is also under a bit of construction, with excited anticipation!

Ok peeps.. that is all for now and possibly for this year!  Keep dreaming those big dreams. Don't give up!!  Dont let people bring you down and believe in who you are!
Ciao for now! Love you all.

Wow! It has been more than a month since I last blogged.

So much has happened in that time.. life is such a wild ride and I am ever so grateful for mine.. I am always on exciting adventures and doing the most extraordinary things, in the most ordinary of circumstances.

So, today I am sitting in front of my Quark Laptop. It is "Black Friday" - the day after thanksgiving. I am in Phoenix, Arizona. The sunrise streaming through the uncovered windows.

Ok, let's back up for a second...

From there to here.

So, once I moved from Charlotte, North Carolina, I found myself planted in Denver Colorado. I actually didn't like it all that much at first - except for the beautiful mountains, the snow etc.. I just didn't find that it felt like home for me - until I started my job at Quark.. I made so many good friends and had a blast - did so many new and exciting things and ofcourse the travel around the world only added to it.

My stint in Denver was 2 years exactly. Then I started feeling like I needed to make my way to the oceans of California, where I have always wanted to live for a time. First stop though, Arizona.. Where it is always warm.. the desert..

So, I am still working for Quark at the moment, which is awesome, because I get to ease myself out of it as well as do a real, proper hand-over and leave the job the same way I came in - with commitment and (hopefully) excellence!

It was a long drive. My friend, Scott, did the heavy duty of trucking: the U-Haul with me and Big Turtle - 15 hours long to Arizona. The scenery wasn't great - New Mexico sucks! It was boring!

But with all my belongings, here I am.. a new life begins for me again.

When will I "settle"? People ask.. My answer.. I have never "settled" for anything. I will chase my dreams and live in them and be settled only in my own heart knowing that I am happy and knowing that I am making a difference.. that is all that matters!

Do I want a big house with a morgage and a dog and a routine? Sure.. maybe.. But I had that in South Africa (well, I still do! - except for the dog!).... But now is the time.. as I inch my way closer to 40... for me to let my hair down. Live the wildest adventure of my life. Be all that I can be - what a waste to not live my life to its fullest.

Laugh and cry with all that I am and all that the world is.. and see my dreams unfold before my eyes. I have truly been blessed.. There is not one goal thus far that I have not reached.. nor one dream that I have had that has not come true. Sure, life always throws spanners in the works.. and mine is no exception.. But I have rolled with punches and I have gotten up everytime I got knocked down.

Life is wonderful! here is to my new start.. a new day has dawned in the life of Delise.. and Yes, I will miss all of my friends in Denver - but make no mistake.. I will never forget and never neglect..

I am a very committed friend.. so those of you who dont keep in touch with me.. that is your loss - I am a keep-in-toucher!

Love you all.

Something to blog about.
I must be honest.. there is nothing worse in life’s goals than losing momentum.
Let’s start here:

My book:
I went guns a blazing and got to chapter 4 and then I decided to take a holiday in Brussels and then in New York.. and then and then and then.. when one loses momentum, it is SO hard to get it back right away.
I read through the chapter that I had written and for some obscure reason, I can’t remember where I was going with this character. So that is a little frustrating at the moment.
However – so much has happened and work has been busy – I feel as if I haven’t really connected with the outside world as much as I used to.. I have been absorbed in.. a little self pity and a little busy enjoying being indoors and watching my new programs on TV! Sounds a little sad hey.
Why self- pity? For reasons stated above!

My physical goals
In March I had lost a comfortable amount of weight but it wasn’t really true weight because I wasn’t eating – I was just picking on things to keep me from falling over!
Before Belgium I had gained a little – maybe 4 pounds and I started exercising – the pounds did not come off – but I was feeling great – alive, healthy and looked SOOO much better – toned and slim… well then.. after a holiday(s) like that (those) – I fell off that train and how bloody hard it is to get back on again!
“Just do it” – I can hear you all scream.. Here is the thing about lost momentum.. it is not as simple as “just get off your *** and do it” – you have to reconnect the parts, reassemble the motivation and then kick yourself in the butt and discipline yourself.

However..
There is newness on the horizon for me and I am anticipating good things to come. Some of my friends from South Africa are coming to the USA in December – it is truly something to look forward to. And in the meantime work has been very busy.. I also felt like the corporate momentum was lost – “what do I do again?” – I found myself asking almost every day.. Does a holiday really rot your brain, body and ambition to a standstill?
Yesterday I read a piece in a blog which I LOVED! It was about the strength, flexibility and resilience of palm trees.. and I thought to myself.. That is ME – I am a palm tree – I can get trapped in the hurricanes of life (I know – I am being a little over dramatic) – but “Just like that palm tree I want to find
that I run deeper than I ever thought and somewhere inside myself I have the ability to keep bouncing back.”

The same man posted:
“I’d be the first to admit that life is a balancing act. I believe in working hard… and I mean very hard! But I also believe in taking naps… taking walks… spending time with great people.
When you slow down to the speed of life, it will be amazing how good it feels because this world truly has rhythm. So find its tempo and go with the flow, set sail and live your finest life.”

Isn’t that true?? I am guilty of getting SO caught up in extremes.. my first extreme is that if I don’t have an exciting amazing, ambitious plan on the horizon, my life is dull.
The second extreme is that I can spend days doing absolutely nothing and then get down on myself for not being productive.

So what I really need to realize is: In life I am going to do amazing things. I am going to do dull things. I am going to have a completely ordinary routine and I am going to break unbelievable ground. I am going to be insanely happy and I am going to be sad and miserable and its all GOOD- when I know that nothing lasts forever and never to hold on and plant myself in any one experience, but move with the pace, go through every process and experience it all. And never forget my goals and dreams but never be taken so far out of THIS moment that all I do is live in tomorrow…

Go Palm Tree!

1300 days in the USA…..

I had a lovely weekend in Denver. We had our first snow fall. It was pretty mild; the chill in the air was nice and refreshing. I am not looking forward to the temperatures dropping even more though – but winter.. must.. come…

Yesterday I went to the wild life sanctuary – it was such an emotional and amazing experience. Emotional because I love and appreciate nature and animals. It is very sad how people abuse and torture animals and it was so awesome to see 150 plus animals rescued from zoos, circuses etc where they have been terribly abused.. They get to live in the closest environment to the wild – since they cannot be re-introduced –they have a nice new home where they are cared for and have plenty of space and friends. You can hear the huge Tigers growling, walking around playing in the huge wide open spaces – the land is so vast you need binoculars to see the lions. It was just an uplifting experience for me.

http://www.wildanimalsanctuary.org/

All this inspiration had me thinking about all the things in my life that I am so grateful and humbled to have experienced:

Pieces of me...
From sitting at a race track in Singapore under the majestic city lights watching the F1 cars go by and absorbing myself in the sport I love so much - to staying in a hostel in New York City with my brother trying not to snore. From walking the 7 star luxury lobby of the Burj Al Arab in Dubai to holding the hand of someone dying of AIDS in South Africa. From giving a homeless person a subway meal on the city streets of Denver to speaking Afrikaans to Charlize Theron at the Democratic National Convention. From walking the streets of Paris staring in awe at the Eiffel tower to driving in 5 Super cars on winding roads in Beaver creek.

From dancing in a nightclub in Las Vegas to walking in a Wild life Sanctuary. From modeling in a beauty pageant in Johannesburg to writing a motivational book and having a publisher recognize it. From celebrating my 30th birthday on the canals in Venice to having an AHA! moment walking on the beach in San Diego watching dolphins. From sitting in my tiny cubicle doing budget reports to racing a snow mobile in the mountains of Vail. From driving celebrities around doing their shopping sprees to learning to shoot firearms at a firing range and racing cars on the streets. From sending a child to school and seeing him graduate who would never otherwise have done so, to taking my last R10 and going to watch a cool movie! From having SO much of everything to having next to nothing! Sleeping in a train station in Rome to sleeping in a 5 star resort in Florida.

I can just go on and on. And my life is not just about travelling and having fun, it’s about purpose and making a difference. I have been blessed with so much privilege and so much opportunity and also been given the desire to do so much more with what I have.
Life truly is wonderful! What an adventure. What an opportunity for me to enrich myself, change the world – touch people, help people, improve the environment, help the animals, heal the broken hearted and make someone happy and be happy myself – full of who I am – explore all of who I am and give everything I have in every moment that I am blessed with that I can sigh my last, not with regret but with exhaustion and saying.. Wow!! I truly LIVED my life – Now it’s time to rest!

Until then – I have no desire to “rest” – I want to live and be and feel and do..…
It’s not just my desire – but my obligation – and I am happy to oblige!

Another week draws to a close. I have been at work now for two full weeks after an amazing vacation – and guess what? I survived! LOL.

So winter is starting to set in.. the mornings are darker and the sun hides herself away much earlier. The ski resorts are starting to get ready for their season.
“Somewhere beneath the surface of our wants and needs lies a deeper longing - a yearning that connects us to who and what we are in our essential being”
I am so happy at the moment. As my life progresses forward and I see my goals unfold and start reaching accomplishment, I have come to realize that success, love, happiness is not just in reaching something that you want in the future – the absence of it, the process of getting to it – therein lies life’s ultimate challenge.

Happiness is now. This moment.

I often ask people: “Are you happy” – it seems like a very difficult question for people to answer. The answers I often get are: “I am content”, “I am getting there”, “for what it is right now, I am”. And all those answers are ok – it tells me that people want more. Not simply in a dissatisfactory way – but in a “my soul craves greater things” way.
But even so – happiness is now. Here. This moment. It is the only reality you know. The present.

So I start another relaxing weekend, I have a few things planned, nothing hectic. I just plan to exercise, get some good fresh air, take in a movie and maybe some sleep.. sounds good doesnt it?? :)

Now is the time
My soul must seek and find
And be found in the resting place of happiness
Making its own abode in the stream of non-convention
Clutching the arches of life’s perplexities
Give to me now what is mine, oh world.
Does the world owe me my dreams?
Happy am I in the land of mediocrity

at times
I cry inside for there I cannot live
What is life if not lived
Going in – coming out

stretching reaching

for nothing at all - for everything
How can I find when I do not look?
How can I receive when I do not give
All of me…

will life give me all of her?

US in Denver (The pics were taken on my BB - not very lovely I might add :( )

MY TRAVELS
You know, we are all governed by a circadian rhythm and I have found that travelling through so many time zones as often as I do often messes that rhythm up completely. Makes me arrive in the most exotic places and feel completely off kilter and miserable and wide awake in the dead of night and sleepy in broad daylight!

I have also found myself cursing the security lines and procedure – I mean really – I might as well fly wearing nothing at all. I find myself annoyed that people who all have a destination seem lost all the time. I am annoyed by the cabin pressure – the impending germs and possible turbulence etc.... The constant rush of displacement when you land in an airport for the first time in a different time zone and even a different season.

But lately I realized. ENOUGH with the whining!

Yes, it is inconvenient to feel lost, incoherent and grouchy – but isn’t a lost feeling part of the excitement of travelling to new faraway places? It is a reminder that distance is real. The world really ISNT a small place.. that miles aren’t something we tally up on our frequent flyer accounts. It’s a big world.

There are wide, massive oceans and land masses between us all. It is one of the profound gifts of being alive right now – the ability to get up and go everywhere.. anywhere… to experience the world, the cultures that previous generations only dreamed of. And for us, how easy is it??

We should stand in awe and appreciation that today I can be in America and tomorrow in Russia – where people don’t speak the same languages, wear the same apparel and have a whole history in their nation.

A little sleeplessness, a touch of bewilderment and grouchiness is a small price to pay – a modern ailment that reminds us that we have evolved and advanced in a world where what seemed impossible years ago – is not only possible – but.. Ordinary almost…

From now on.. I am going to appreciate the blessing of my travels with all its turbulence.. J

New York City

After Belgium I had a hectic week at the office and at home and then flew out to New York City to hang out with my family - it was really so nice to reconnect and experience their lives in Long Island and my brother came to Denver to see where I live and hang out here.

In NYC - even though this was my 15th trip out there.. I just love that city - there is so much to see.. so much history, tragedy, shopping, sights, food, music, fashion.. I was there during the Bryant Park - New York Fashion week and saw what the up and coming trends hold for us this Autumn season.

So today my brother left and even though goodbyes are never fun - we had such a fantastic time, I know he loved America ALOT!

In NYC - we did...... well Everything.. From Coffee in Soho and Greenwich Village. To walking through Macy's and up the Empire State Building. We took a cruise up the Hudson to pay Homage to Lady Liberty. And went to see Ground Zero and all the other touristy things.

We stayed in a hostel - which was a first for me! I know in Europe they are SO popular and you meet alot of people. I must say - I enjoyed it. It was very (VERY) basic and it was so liberating to travel that way!! It was in a GREAT location - right on Time Square.

I had never really had the "college life" experience nor have I ever stayed in a hostel or even something similar.. I went from parents to palace (modestly ofcourse)... but anyway - It was SO nice.. and at my ripe old age - I felt like a college kid - everyone is SO nice! And I returned with all my limbs - unlike the movie versions of such places!!

Then to Denver - it was ofcourse, much slower paced - we went up to the Mountains to breathe in some fresh air... see the rock formations and a bit of American history. Such richness and a sense of deeply rooted spirituality with these Native American people who are so unique and beautiful and mysterious...

My favourite writer is from Native American influence... so much passion and depth.. I love that culture.

So - my life is returning to my routine after 4 weeks - yes FOUR weeks wow! and I must say - it has been so much more that I could ever have fathomed.. I knew I was bound for some fun, life changing, perspective enhancing things this year... but I never thought it would come in such droves!

Here's to family and friends from across all the oceans. Thank you so much all. Love you madly. :)

BELGIUM
Ok, so I am just about recovering from another awesome trip – back at work and trying to make up time, make up hours since I am away again for my New York stint again very shortly!
Belgium was fantastic.

I met with my dear friends who did a speedy airport pick up and immediately we were on the go – met a lot of awesome people and hung out – saw a lot of the city – drank Belgian beer – the fruity one was good. The others were very bitter – so am I now a beer drinker?? NO!! Hell NO!!
I got into that European lifestyle which I love, straight away. Relaxed and no fuss. Why does it seem that Europeans' work life seems so non-chalant compared to mine??? I got the business of my visa renewal out of the way and then it was all party and tourism. Saw so much – I am just in love with European architecture.

I can walk in and out of every church and government building – that would take a year! I ate a lot of waffles and really awesome salmon. Funny thing – I lost weight after my binge – the food is really different there! Or maybe it’s all the walking. Who knows?

I went to Brussels, Antwerp, Bruges, Ath, Spa and Amsterdam.

The first weekend was spent in Ath – this is a small farm town just an hour out of Brussels. We met a TON of people, the evening concerts and day time festivals were a sight to see and gave me a taste of true Belgian culture.

Ofcourse the Spa-Francorchamps race on the world renowned track was amazing!!
The first day – it rained.. I sat on the bleaches with my survival kit and umbrella - freezing and wet watching practice! It was awesome. That is the mark of a true fan!
The rest of the weekend and in particular – race-day – the weather was cold, but dry and ofcourse we ended the 3 hour drive (both ways) between Spa and Brussels with a bang – Ferrari being the Victors.

We managed to walk a lot and see a lot. Especially the cultural shock of Amsterdam.. I must be honest – one is NEVER prepared for what your innocence will see in Amsterdam!!

We had a great time with great friends - whom I already miss dearly... :(

But I had a phenomenal time and now.. I leave for the BIG APPLE :) Whooo hoooo

Tommorrow.. I leave for Belgium... August 20th 2009.....

Bon Voyage.. catch ya on the flip side.

August 2009Wow, I was talking with a friend of mine, and I was reminded that just a year ago in August, so much in my life changed! I think back and read back in my blog (cause the memory is blog dependent these days!)… And I am amazed.

I was sitting on a plane bound for Hong Kong (En-route to Singapore) in September of last year – having met the most awesome lady – I was typing on my laptop like a crazy person on too much soda, in the dark for the four hours that my battery would survive on the plane.. and my heart was full of expectation. I smile at EVERYONE – It was like those movies where cartoon characters appear.. little birds chirping and everything! 30 hours of flying felt like 2!

August 2008 – As a reminder.
It was the month the DNC came to town…. Got in touch with so many Celebs and had so much fun – it was hilarious. From Vogue red carpet parties to late night dinners with Government people. (Yes they were related to me- but still!). I spoke with Charlize Theron – we spoke Afrikaans.

I went to a conference which completely change my life and outlook in an instant. I was the only woman there, who cares.. I received something so unexpected; it made me see my life in a different way.
All the while – my good friend at the time was in a horrific accident – the stress, emotion and heartache from that causing me to lose weight and have no sleep – but at the same time.. my heart was full of joy and hope..
And here I am a year later. And again so much has changed.

Back to August 2009The onset of 2009 saw me move into my new apartment, let go of friendships and gain a completely new perspective on life. This is the first time I am living alone since I left my parents house – How wild is that! And so in August now, I find myself settled in – but yet unsettled inside once again. Not in a negative way. I know certain roads have come to an end and the leap is eminent.

In the midst of me trying to find a centre of enjoyment in my everyday life, I started feeding and speaking with homeless and destitute people. Submitted my motivational book for a publishing review. Started writing a novel and a children’s book – inspired by the love of my life (Big Turtle).

I started volunteering at the rescue mission and started a dance mission to get into shape (I will let you know how that works out!). I have a few other great ideas I am in the process of implementing. Managed to save a small bit of money despite my properties in South Africa sucking the life out of my finances…
Made some new friends again – August presents itself with some unexpected surprises… And I am en-route to Belgium in 14 days and AGAIN wonderful news.. Michael Schumacher will be racing there!!!!

What is it about August??

Maybe it’s the turning of the seasons from winter to spring in SA and from summer to autumn in Denver – the shifting of the universe which controls the uncontrollable phenomenon we refer to as “circumstance”…

Whatever it is.. It always seems to bring good tidings..

Newness and unexpected joys to my soul…
How much happier can one person get? I am willing to find out!

I haven't posted in a while (LOL a week for me is a WHILE!).

The volunteer work was good - but kind of anti-climactic. The place I went to - I must be honest, I didn't really gel with the way they did things. However, this past week - I have been really busy at work. You know how things have calmed to a panic and then all of a sudden WHAM! ? Yep - this week was like that!

But - I have realized I have a major problem... No matter how busy I am, I have the need for more and more variety - is that crazy?? I just cannot do one thing or even 10 things! I have to do 100 things! I don't know why. Does this mean I have ADD?

Who knows. Either way... I have to do some life "admin" this week and get back to a chiropractor or a massage therapist.. Yep - its my shoulder again!

You will be happy to know that I have mastered the thriller dance. I found a Beyonce / Shakira music video and it was an AWESOME song, video / dance combo. I am working on that one. Atleast that is where I get my little bit of exercise! :)

So on that boring note... I am smiling.. I am good :)

Today I am going to volunteer at the rescue mission. I will be doing a dinner shift at 7:30pm to hand out food to the homeless and destitute in downtown.

My motivational book is in the process of editing and formatting and will then be ready for publishing / printing. I am very excited. This booklet is really just aimed to encourage people everyday to find ways to improve their lives. It is so basic, anyone can just pick it up and in a very real and practical way - just feel better and do something different.

I feel very accomplished and I feel like I am finally making a difference. It is not that I didn't make some kind of difference before. And don't get me wrong, my two years working here at Quark has taught me so much about life and taught me a lot of new skills which I will be able to use in other industries in the furture. And most of all - it has taught me alot about myself.

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

by Pablo Neruda
I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,

From waiting to not waiting for you

My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;

I hate you deeply, and hating you

Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you

Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume

My heart with its cruel Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who Dies,

the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,

Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

"In fire and blood"...

Such deep powerful words.... I want to live my entire life by.. passion will surely make you crazy - but is there any other way to live?

So - It has been a long time, since I wrote some useless facts about myself for you all to make fun of... so here goes:

1. I can cook - But I can't sew or build things that involve tools and instructions! (But I can change oil in a car though!)

2. I hate doing laundry - I never had to until I moved to the Western World - it sucks.

3. I love weapons and I have a Ninja Fan and a Samurai sword in my apartment. I love firearms too, but I shoot those only on the range.

4. I love dancing - SO much.. I watch MJ videos everyday and dance to it and try to perfect it.

5. I am obsessive.. (ok that is not news to anyone!)

6. I Love LURRVE Panda bears.. so much so that I want one - like for real.

7. I have no interest in flying to the moon

8. I love stalking Celebrities.. Ok stalking is a bit of a negative word LOL> I have always had the opportunity to be surrounded by and meet Celebs and I love it.. whenever anyone famous is in town, I drop everything to go speak with them. Fame fascinates me. It is one of the reasons I sit in moves 14 hours a week practically! Love movies, Hollywood and entertainment.. And YES - I will be moving there!! :)

9. Ofcourse we all know I love cars.. no shocker there! Enuff said!

10. I used to be a fashion disaster and I was since liberated.. I am so into it now. I have a strange sense of style, I love fashion and putting styles together and I love anything name brand (Except Anything Coach and Chanel bags - people who wear those irritate me!).

11. I love technology and gadgets and mostly the internet. Hallelujah that I live in the time of the Internet.. However.. I don't twitter. I think it is highly stupid!

12. There is a part of me that is a total sophisticate fashionista and another part of me that is a really big kid. I love watching family guy and eating jello - laughing my ass off at Stewie.. I also sometimes think of people as cartoons and then I get the giggles.

13. My aim in life is the help people become better.. in whatever area... I can't stand mediocrity

14. I can go to a dive bar and a classy dinner and be comfortable in both. I enjoy all sorts of environments - I have lived the high life and the low life and I have found a sense of liberty in both!

15. I Love my stilettos and I can run, jog and drive fast sports cars in them! But I can totally rock sneakers and flip flops when the need arises.

16. I don't care what people think and yet I TOTALLY care what people think. Gemini. What can I say?

17. I want to be so many things.. Mother Theresa, Princess Diana, A dancing star, A successful writer, A lady of leisure travelling the world.. But I know.. I can only strive to be 3 of those things.. I will have to fake being a World renowned Princess and a dancing star.. though I can dance pretty well.. I won't ever be Michael Jackson!

(Ironically all three of those people are no longer alive.....)

Ok Ok.. enough! :)

The African Bush
This weekend, I did as little as possible. I pottered and pondered. Changed around my 3 pieces of furniture in my need for newness and pretend decorating skills. I cooked some nice home-made food – South African style. Chatted to some friends and watched a hilarious comedy about an author who hates humanity.

So, today, back to work. I have had a busy morning, but for some reason, I miss Africa today… I have been thinking the entire day about the animals.. the smell of the bush.. The wonderful people with their curious faces and big, broad smiles. The little kids who run up to me and want to feel my hair.

I remember all my drives to Sun City for work. It’s so rural and rugged. I remember the one night when I ran out of petrol and there were no street lights, no sign of a petrol station anywhere in sight. In the distance – there was a tiny zinc house with a petrol pump! Oh yes!!! Got me my petrol (don’t want to know where they got the pump from, but it saved my butt!) – Only in Africa!

Anyway, my motivational book is now complete, I am in the editing process and then I need to have it printed for distribution. Incidentally, thanks to friends on Facebook, I found some Organizations where I can volunteer a couple times a week that will really make a difference. I can incorporate some of the work I did last week and include the people I met and helped – what great news!

I will most probably continue going on the streets, because I enjoyed randomly meeting people and just encouraging them. I just decided that I cannot NOT do the things I love. And I am loving being able to help people again.

So anyway, now I am along the lines of chapter 3 in my first novel and its going slowly – but at least it’s going. I am going to focus on that one for the rest of the year – even though I came up with an idea for another one LOL. My friend and I were talking about writing a children’s book, she is a qualified medical illustrator and so she can do all the illustrations for the book (which already has a title!).. But I am going to put that one on the back burner just for now. I have so many things going on in my life and I am loving every minute of it.

I have also found it increasingly easier to meet new people these days and some of the people I have met lately have just been a good, positive effect in my life. Great conversations and expand my sense of vision. It is SO important to surround yourself with people who have a positive effect on you. Friends have to, however, fall into their proper “categories” – you have the friends you laugh with – those are not necessarily the ones you cry with as people can abuse your pain. But you definitely have to have the ones you cry with – those are the ones who know the deepest parts of you and protect you even from themselves at times. And then you have your hang out buddies – if they don’t fall into one of those categories, probably a good idea to only hang out occasionally. And I think I have it the right way up at this moment. Most of my very best of friends don’t even live on the same continent, but they have my best interest at heart and we are connected together by threads that go deeper than all the above combined which just transcend any location.

So that is my little update.. and Ma I know you read this… Love you very much I miss you and that hilarious laugh of your!!

JUST A GIRL IN THE WORLD ARMED WITH COMPASSION

I was so inspired by my friend Astrid Flemming in South Africa who published her book "White Knights" - which has been a major success and her motto for her website is : "Just a girl in the world armed with her words"... Which I thought was an awesome summation of me as well.

I decided to "steal" that little caption and modify it a little with my own twist..

This past week I decided - forget organized charity - I am just going to take to the streets and help people. It's very hard because people are wary of your intentions and also you have to be wary of people approaching you as well. But in my wonderings I met a few people who really did want some help.

I went to Subway and got some food. I had my motivational book in my backpack for back up :)

26 year old *Emily who I 'd seen many times as I was driving by, with her plackard at the traffic lights. We crossed paths. I looked her straight in the eye and smiled and she asked if I could give her some money. I told her I could not, but I could give her some food. As I took out the food, I started speaking with her. Turns out she can't read. I read a few pages to her from Tim Storey's book : "Utmost Living" - about how to make a better life for yourself. I told her I will teach her to read if she meets me everyday at the Methodist Church (Which I need to arrange with them)..

She agreed - I hope she comes.... So, along I went speaking to various people, giving them food and telling them life can be better etc.

Turns out, alot of people don't really care - they want to live that way.

I wrote some emails to people in some Christian Organizations, because I realized that even If I help 100 people in a week and feed them, talk with them and give them hope.. I can't just leave them the way they are... I want to see wholistic transformation. So, I really hope that some of those organizations get back to me and see how we can align to change Denver.

I also realized, since I can't afford to buy a bunch of motivational books to hand out to people... I will write my own. I finished it yesterday. It is just 31 short blurbs that give people some daily encouragement and hope - I will have it printed and bound and ready for next week!!!

Wow what a journey life has been thus far hey? This is the second half of 2009 and it’s been wonderful thus far.

I cannot help but be driven by the aches of my soul.

For adventure.

For something that gives my life a higher meaning and a purpose.

I was quite put off the other day when I tried to sign up for volunteer work on the weekends, the response I got was basically: “unless you are willing to work 7-5 everyday of the week – we can’t help you, we are closed on weekends” - and remember this is VOLUNTEER work.. I became a bit disillusioned actually irritated.. I was like: “don’t people suffer or need help on weekends too??” weird. And I can't just leave my paying job to do volunteer work for a living. I guess America isn’t as in need of people helping as Africa is. I realize that statement probably isn’t 100% true. But I felt it to be a bit ridiculous.

However, I still refuse to withdraw in my determination to change people’s lives. I have seen too many AIDS babies die, seen people’s hurt and pain from poverty and abuse to not want to help SOMEONE.
I want to bear the exquisite beauty and gut-wrenching sorrow that comes with being fully alive. So, the next half of the year is going to be just that.

I decided to do it MY way. No more organized charity. Too many of them are frauds. I am taking to the streets and just doing what I do….

Other than that and writing my book…. I am going to visit my friends in Belgium and indulge in some of Europe in just little over a month. Ofcourse travel always gives me that touch of life, taste of culture and inner refreshing like nothing else can do.
Then, my brother will be embarking on his first journey to the US and that will be incredible.. Big Apple here we come! He has already forewarned me, that he wants to SEE New York.. Well, I am very familiar with The Big, Crazy city, So all I need to do is pack in my Red Bull for the week and go have a blast!

I have very vivid expectations that the rest of the year will unfold a whole new journey for me. Excitedly, I wait in expectation to close out this year with a proverbial bang and when I write my “New Year” blog.. It is going to be reminiscent of awesome, insane memories.

I refuse to be ordinary. I refuse to be labeled. I refuse to live a normal life. I refuse for my voice not to be heard in this life and in this world!

BRING ON THE ADVENTURE I AM READY!!!!!

July 4th Weekend
Most of the weekend I spent relaxing by the pool, doing my chores, watching TV and hanging out.
I went to a Concert at Red Rocks Amphitheatre that was great and watched the July 4th fireworks in the distance.
It was a good weekend. 4 days long… ahhhhhhh
So the other day I was talking with a friend and I spoke about how weird it feels that in my lifetime if I live all my years.. I will see MAJOR historic events take place.

Some of the ones I have witnessed thus far that just changed the world forever were:

1. Nelson Mandela freed from 27 years in Prison so that I can live and walk where I want in my country.
2. Death of Princess Diana who was iconic and unique
3. Bombing of the World Trade centre
4. Barack Obama is elected President
5. Economic recession

I know that if I live out my years I will see some major things that are foreseeable:
England change the National Anthem to: “God save the King” and the world economy will be affected since I imagine British currency will have to be re-printed. So that is major.
The world will say farewell to Nelson Mandela – Unless he lives more than 40 more years…
major major..

But I NEVER EVER thought or imagined.. the death of MICHAEL JACKSON to happen right in the midst of me pondering all these events that have changed and will change the world.

A piece of the world is gone.

And I say that because Michael was a man surrounded by so much controversy. An odd, strange, unique, one of a kind human being, elusive and he certainly defied any definition that anyone can conjure. Did he molest children? No one but he and those children and God will ever know.. (seems a little convenient that millions of dollars seemed to have soothed their pain). Nevertheless the American justice system said:”not guilty”. And if one has to believe in justice (and justice is flawed because it’s human) – then we have to want to believe he was innocent – don’t we?

So, odd.. weird, freakish.. people were appalled by his face, yet millions wanted to dress in his weird styles even after all these years, the denial about having had plastic surgery and lived in oxygen tanks and bleached his skin. He had a monkey called bubbles and a ranch that was like a huge secret fantasy land.

And my response to all that has always been… SO WHAT? What is NORMAL? Who decides it?

His music was iconic and incomparable. Almost every musical artist on this planet has had some influence from MJ. The amount of people he gave to and helped all over the world financially and in kindness and showing up to be there because it mattered.. Does what he did or did not do with his face take away from what he did for mankind? Does the accusation from people who gladly took money to withdraw make what he did a redundant?

Well, I am not here to dispute or defend Michael Jackson. I am here to pay homage to a life who touched billions of people throughout decades.. every race, people, creed and culture was affected somehow by the music, the talent, the dance.. the man.

Have I bought into the “hype” someone cynics have asked me today.. Well, my response is until YOU or I have touched the world the way he has, changed history, opened doors for artists and races and people everywhere, travelled the world and started organizations that help dying people … until then..we should look at “the Man in the Mirror”…. Before we cast stones.

Today is about the gift. We should honor at the very least – the gift that God has given to a man who used that gift to change people’s lives. The greatest performer who ever lived.

RIP. Hamba Khahle Michael Jackson.

VENTING ABOUT MY LIFE.
Life is a roller coaster. Certainly my life isn’t any different, right. I have been basking in deliriously happy places for a while and just finding my own centre and sense of peace in regular life. But these days, argh.

The happy places:
I have been in this state of purgatory (but a happy one) for a while. Waiting for my visa to seal my fate. And presto! It arrived. Ofcourse not without its consequences and chains. But nevertheless, it is what I wanted and I finally got it. My visa and work authorization, giving me two more years in the USA. Ah. Good.
With the stress of budgets and mayhem at work behind me; and things finally calming down on the disaster that happened with friendships, everything was “ok” again. My brothers’ wedding In South Africa had come and gone and the happiness of reconnecting with my family still firmly planted.

Today is the last day of June. Officially half the year has gone by. I think back and so far 2009 has been awesome. I have so many things to look forward to as well. Belgium… Vegas.. LA…
I JUST signed a new 3 month lease for my tiny apartment, which I love to bits. Me and my turtle… “just the two of us” happy as clams..
I had plans to leave Denver at some point, but I have been indecisive about many things.
Then it happened.

Work:
I have work to do. With which I have become familiar and dare I say good at (since I started this job not knowing diddly about IT!). Good friends at work and we have a good time. But…. I am bored. I am unchallenged and I feel like I have to drag myself here every day now; I feel like no one’s life is being touched or changed or even affected.
Yet, I am in that place where if you ask me what I really want to do – other than giving you a vague generality: It’s really hard to define. Look for another job? What would be the point? Won’t it just be the same? So it is old familiar places of restlessness or whatever.
I read a very inspiring blog written by a man I very much admire. And he spoke about being ‘Fully present, fully feeling and fully alive”. Hasn’t that been my very mantra?
I am, however, finding it so difficult to be that in my present situation. So today I decided to try it on purpose.

I stepped away from screen number 1 (The computer)… and went for a walk outside. On my way down I looked at everything. The buttons in the elevator, the carpet which was brown tiles (that needed a clean). I noticed the receptionists’ smile. I got outside, it was warm and sunny, blue skies. The sun on my skin was so lovely. I closed my eyes and took in the rays. My Blackberry buzzed. I ignored it. (Screen number 2). I walked and looked at the pretty green trees and the cars driving by. After a short while I did the same routine walking back to my desk. I went through my emails and asked myself: “Which of my tasks today can I do something amazing with. Do so well that it amazes someone…” And I went through that exercise. I gave my one colleague a hand with a task she had been struggling with. I went by to others and chatted for a little while with a smile offering to bring them tea / coffee – it all ended up becoming a date with the girls at Gelazzi for Gelato martinis later (which is never a bad thing!).. But the point was, I wanted to help people, reach out, make someone smile and just be a pleasant presence in the office today. I sent my boss some racing You Tube clips – which he and I both love.
I did all that to try and bring myself out of my boredom and self pity and really see all the beautiful things around me and also to take my menial tasks and put my soul into it.
Sadly.. it didn’t work.
The same inspirational blog says: “It’s important that as you work, you believe, anticipate, and get ready for a big harvest.”
Bleg (I know.. but…)

Physical
In January I had gotten 2 pounds shy of my goal weight. For those of you, who have known me for a long time, know that I have struggled with my weight for most of my 20’s. When I got married YEARS ago I was 20 years old, I weighed about 92 pounds (42kgs). It sounds a little, but I am only like 5”1 (arguably according to my friends! LOL). So that weight worked for me at that age. I was a gym addict so I looked good and I felt good. A few years later after hormonal treatments, I had gained a lot of weight. Probably got up to 120lbs (54kgs). From then on I struggled with it. Tried “everything” as they say and lost a little; gained a little for about 7 years. I spent so much money at beauty salons, trying everything they had! (All the easy routes). I then tried the Atkins diet which worked for losing a few pounds.. But I also lost a lot of hair! Bummer.
When I moved to the States, I found losing weight even more impossible. But then.. It happened. I went to Las Vegas for the SEMA car show n October 2006 and I got food poisoning. I lost about 7 pounds from that. Not a great way to lose weight, but certainly an easy way. After that trip the weight seemed to just come off.
I started eating better, less - and just walking more.
This year March I was at 102lbs (46kgs). My ultimate goal is 100lbs (45kgs) which I think is a good balance for my height and my age. I look and feel good at this weight. But in the last two weeks, I decided I wanted to not just be slimmer, but fitter and healthier. I started Jillian Michaels training program, kicking my ass everyday and what do you know? My clothes started hugging me more and the scale is now at 106 – (Swear words come to mind!)
Why do I feel the need to put my weight and age and height on a public blog? Because I think this “political correctness” of being age and weight averse is just stupid. I want to be real. Yes, I am 34 years old, I weigh 106lbs and I am 5”1! Pffft there you go.
But I am not happy with that weight and I sit and wonder how can something which is supposed to add to you– make you feel worse. Yes, I need to keep at it, right! it’s hard. I think the easy road is over for me!
But it adds to my feelings of being “down”.
So anyway, there are so many more gripes that I can share with you.. but I think I hear snoring already!

I guess I just feel.. ermm dissatisfied at the moment…..

Can someone please pass me a satisfaction pill?

The weekend

This weekend was rather relaxed again- which is ALWAYS a good thing.

Saturday was our Company picnic. I had a bit of a cold, but I managed 5 Hula Hoop revolutions, a small game of rugby, American football throws (at which I suck!) and some soccer.

Then I went home and just chilled for the rest of the weekend!

This weekend I started thinking..

about friends. You know, I left many great friends behind in SA... My best friends will always be just that and we communicate often, they keep me grounded and sane.

Stories honestly told and deeply contemplated offer us a glimpse of the meaning of our lives.. I would never have had the courage to sit down and write my 5th book had it not been for my good friends... 5th - but the only one that WILL be submitted for publication. I never had the courage to submit any of the others and when I did read through them again years later - I am glad I didn't ha ha.

My poetry can be found online, but I never felt the urge to publish a poetry book.

I talk about it alot more, because my friends are refusing to let me hide in the shadows of any excuses! And I know I will be grateful for it when I am thanking them on Oprah LOL - NO, seriously.. It's been so challenging. With me going back to College later this year - FINALLY deciding what course of study I want to pursue.. and finally having a sense of being settled here - The USA has granted me some more time......

My house back home - is in GOOD hands with my lovely employee Patience (whom I will never cease to thank and love) and my good friends Ingrid and Antonie who are living there and holding down the fort for me! And I think of all these amazing friends with whom my heart is eternally sewn together in a covenant of friendship.. I feel so blessed.

I feel as if the universe has aligned once more and things are calm.. I can now get to the business of writing - my life is off pause and I can move full steam ahead...

Thank you friends.. You mean everything to me.