Life has a mind of its' own.....

This weekend was a very nice, quiet one. In preparation for the two trips I have planned coming up, I decided to do a lot of nothing. Work has been rather stressful, still involved with budgets and such.. of which, I now think I should get paid the salary of a finance person! :)

The finance people who control said budgets (due to economic reasons) disagree :)

In any case.... not a very exciting weekend, I just took walks, read some books, watched some movies and just got my relaxing on. I did a small modeling stint for a cosmetic house who wanted to showcase their eye shadows. Why did they ask me? Because I previously bought a boat load of eye shadows from them. Why did I purchase all those? Because they told me I have pretty eyes.. what is a girl to do? “People will believe anything you tell them, as long as it’s a compliment” (And sell you everything you will buy once you buy into their compliment!!) uh em.. (**clears throat**).

So, I have been thinking, as I always do when I am bombarded by time and a labyrinth of empty mental spaces...

I used to be somewhat afraid of what life would ask of me...what vision of myself or the world it would offer that may demand a sacrifice of my carefully cultivated way of seeing.

Now, in my old age... (;) my anxiety has turned more into curiosity.. I have learnt that life will do what it will do.. the difference is in our individuality we need to push our desires, dreams and purpose here on this earth through that mind (of life)... because if we don't... it will decide our fate for us.

At the advent (or arrival really) of Twitter.. I started thinking that this world has gone mad. Yes, ofcourse I joined! I am an exhibitionist afterall - yet a somewhat elusive one.. People think because I blog, Facebook, yahoo, Skype, MSN and post all my adventures and pictures on the www for the world to see., they think they know me.. that when I speak of my joys and pains, my adventures and mishaps - that, that is all of me.. But it is such a small, tiny part that I openly share.

Why? because maybe my life can inspire or help .....and if none of those.. then just entertain or provide sleep to an insominiac! Either way - what is the point of living your life as if it is a big secret to be kept?? When you die will you be happy having the following obituary written by your wife and child (since they are the only ones who ever knew you!:)

Obits page:
This is a tribute to whatshiname.. well, actually, his name is xxx, but that is all we really know of him because he never did (or said) anything amazing. He loved his wife and kids, we think.. because he worked and he went home… err then he died.

Oh, don’t get me wrong.. There is nothing wrong with a certain amount of anonymity – I am not saying display your life in a blog or on facebook if that is not your "thing" or your "style".. I am just saying, don’t dis those who do… maybe knowing that someone else hurts, that someone else reaches their dreams, that someone else goes through things and gets somewhere in life, fails and falls.. can inspire your challenges in life and vice versa. Maybe it is a good idea to share a little of who you are... just in case it can make a difference.

Ok, I got off course with the www thing..

Back to life having a mind of its own.

As time passes and I look back to a mammoth of varied experiences, I see that all my usual cautions about how far and how fast I open my heart to life started to evaporate along the way. A short list of some of the things I wanted to do with my life is:

1. Business Lawyer: Why? It sounded fancy and my teacher told me that “saving the world” is not a career, so I had to chose one with an actual title.. (aka something realistic)
2. Dancer.. We have been through that one! (the fat and chubby non-coordinate!)
3. Save the worlder.. Since "worlder" is not a name for a person who does this job.. I will leave that one up to someone who can come up with a better one!

See , this is the funny thing about me.. And hey – I didn’t create myself, so I am not to blame for the freakish things that envelope my soul! It is all I have ever desired to do.

It creates a lot of fear when you have such an immense desire with no idea where to begin, but I would not trade one moment of the fear for the assurance of a predictable and safe outcome.. I once thought I knew the outcome.. save the world.. be happy – right?

Wrong!!.. some people do not want to be “saved” and some people have a very different view of "salvation" than what you might have in mind for them. I watched “The Soloist” on the weekend.. If you saw it or read the book.. you realize that this word is dying a slow death to interpretation. People are crying and as hard as the tears fall it is not for them to be saved as much as it is for them to be temporarily relieved, sometimes that is how hard people push away and resist from the help and don’t necessarily want to push toward it, because once you are "saved" you now have a responsibility to make it last. I would love to help people do this...

So that is all that I ever had in my heart to do.. What am I doing in IT, then??… erm.. That is a whole other blog for the said insomniacs… :)

In my surfeit of constant wondering (and analysis) of life, I have decided there are two major parts to pay close attention to:

What life throws at you
What you throw at life

And whichever one of those two components overtake the other – that is what your life will comprise of. And make no mistake the first one will happen regardless.. the second one is entirely up to you!

Life has a mind of its own and a strong will - it will come at you - whether you like it, accept it or try to resist and ignore it...