Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live with them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. Rainer Maria Rilke

I am sitting here at my desk at work. I decided not to go out for lunch - I bought a slice of pizza and a diet pepsi and decided while everyone is out and the office is quiet, I will just write...

Usually my day starts at around 5am. I am barely awake, but I know I have emails from India and Europe to attend to on my blackberry. I lay in bed and respond to those if need be and then slowly drag myself out of bed. I tidy up my apartment if I had a night of rumaging through things, or re-oganizing things that I had no energy to put back after! I feed Big turtle and get ready for work.

My morning commute in my stilletos and majorly scaled down Corporate attire, consists of a 3 block walk and a visit to Fluid coffee bar for my Chai Tea.

From the moment I get in, I have people at my desk, emails to reply to, the phone ringing and projects or daily tasks which I am working on. Every hour or so, I log into facebook to clear my brain and see who is up to what. At about 11:30 - I am about ready to faint! I don't generally eat breakfast since I hate eating in a rush and I never have any food in my house anyway (the worms in the fridge are for the turtle!)..

I usually go to lunch at 11:30 - I decline offers from my colleagues because that means waiting another 30 minutes, by which time I will be dead or they have to go to lunch earlier.. neither them nor I compromise - so it is their loss of my great company! :)

Well, anyway, my day is pretty full. I try to take time away from my desk to relax my shoulders, with which I have been having major problems, and just get my eyes off the computer. I go out almost everyday for lunch, I walk downtown, or pop home for a nap. The day goes by quickly. My boss likes to stand at my cube talking about racing and cars, I enjoy it cause it's my interest. My colleagues are all really cool. We come from different parts of the world and sometimes they talk about the weirdest things, which I have never heard of before! It cracks me up all day. But we have a really nice bunch of folks here - one of my MAIN reasons for being here.

Ok - that wasn't supposed to be the entirety of my writing... :)

Going back up to the little blurb I copied an pasted at the beginning of my post...

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves

Isn't that just an interesting statement? I think it is very fitting to where I am at in my life right now. After having done some internal housekeeping and all is good, at peace, solid and back on track with me on every internal level, I still have a question about my place in the world.

And for the longest time, I sought after the answer, because I thought If I don't know then I will never get there. But maybe not really knowing is part of the whole adventure. Trusting in the process (as my close friend always tells me)... and letting the unresolved questions be answered with experiences instead of the knowledge of what the answers might be. Does that make sense?

Last night, I watched "The Last King of Scotland" on tv. It gripped me.. It was intense. Ofcourse movies about Africa always does.. My home and the people from my continent.. so much struggle, so much pain...

Bt this movie grabbed me because the Dr. from Scotland chooses the life of luxury over his original purpose and calling and convinces himself that he is still making a difference.. I am conflicted about what opinion I have on this decision.. So when I think about my own life..

I believe that I can make a difference no matter where I choose to go.. but does it make a difference where you plant yourself? Or does making a difference in itself matter more than anything?

Dunno.. ponder ponder....