Today I am going to volunteer at the rescue mission. I will be doing a dinner shift at 7:30pm to hand out food to the homeless and destitute in downtown.

My motivational book is in the process of editing and formatting and will then be ready for publishing / printing. I am very excited. This booklet is really just aimed to encourage people everyday to find ways to improve their lives. It is so basic, anyone can just pick it up and in a very real and practical way - just feel better and do something different.

I feel very accomplished and I feel like I am finally making a difference. It is not that I didn't make some kind of difference before. And don't get me wrong, my two years working here at Quark has taught me so much about life and taught me a lot of new skills which I will be able to use in other industries in the furture. And most of all - it has taught me alot about myself.

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

by Pablo Neruda
I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,

From waiting to not waiting for you

My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;

I hate you deeply, and hating you

Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you

Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume

My heart with its cruel Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who Dies,

the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,

Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

"In fire and blood"...

Such deep powerful words.... I want to live my entire life by.. passion will surely make you crazy - but is there any other way to live?

So - It has been a long time, since I wrote some useless facts about myself for you all to make fun of... so here goes:

1. I can cook - But I can't sew or build things that involve tools and instructions! (But I can change oil in a car though!)

2. I hate doing laundry - I never had to until I moved to the Western World - it sucks.

3. I love weapons and I have a Ninja Fan and a Samurai sword in my apartment. I love firearms too, but I shoot those only on the range.

4. I love dancing - SO much.. I watch MJ videos everyday and dance to it and try to perfect it.

5. I am obsessive.. (ok that is not news to anyone!)

6. I Love LURRVE Panda bears.. so much so that I want one - like for real.

7. I have no interest in flying to the moon

8. I love stalking Celebrities.. Ok stalking is a bit of a negative word LOL> I have always had the opportunity to be surrounded by and meet Celebs and I love it.. whenever anyone famous is in town, I drop everything to go speak with them. Fame fascinates me. It is one of the reasons I sit in moves 14 hours a week practically! Love movies, Hollywood and entertainment.. And YES - I will be moving there!! :)

9. Ofcourse we all know I love cars.. no shocker there! Enuff said!

10. I used to be a fashion disaster and I was since liberated.. I am so into it now. I have a strange sense of style, I love fashion and putting styles together and I love anything name brand (Except Anything Coach and Chanel bags - people who wear those irritate me!).

11. I love technology and gadgets and mostly the internet. Hallelujah that I live in the time of the Internet.. However.. I don't twitter. I think it is highly stupid!

12. There is a part of me that is a total sophisticate fashionista and another part of me that is a really big kid. I love watching family guy and eating jello - laughing my ass off at Stewie.. I also sometimes think of people as cartoons and then I get the giggles.

13. My aim in life is the help people become better.. in whatever area... I can't stand mediocrity

14. I can go to a dive bar and a classy dinner and be comfortable in both. I enjoy all sorts of environments - I have lived the high life and the low life and I have found a sense of liberty in both!

15. I Love my stilettos and I can run, jog and drive fast sports cars in them! But I can totally rock sneakers and flip flops when the need arises.

16. I don't care what people think and yet I TOTALLY care what people think. Gemini. What can I say?

17. I want to be so many things.. Mother Theresa, Princess Diana, A dancing star, A successful writer, A lady of leisure travelling the world.. But I know.. I can only strive to be 3 of those things.. I will have to fake being a World renowned Princess and a dancing star.. though I can dance pretty well.. I won't ever be Michael Jackson!

(Ironically all three of those people are no longer alive.....)

Ok Ok.. enough! :)

The African Bush
This weekend, I did as little as possible. I pottered and pondered. Changed around my 3 pieces of furniture in my need for newness and pretend decorating skills. I cooked some nice home-made food – South African style. Chatted to some friends and watched a hilarious comedy about an author who hates humanity.

So, today, back to work. I have had a busy morning, but for some reason, I miss Africa today… I have been thinking the entire day about the animals.. the smell of the bush.. The wonderful people with their curious faces and big, broad smiles. The little kids who run up to me and want to feel my hair.

I remember all my drives to Sun City for work. It’s so rural and rugged. I remember the one night when I ran out of petrol and there were no street lights, no sign of a petrol station anywhere in sight. In the distance – there was a tiny zinc house with a petrol pump! Oh yes!!! Got me my petrol (don’t want to know where they got the pump from, but it saved my butt!) – Only in Africa!

Anyway, my motivational book is now complete, I am in the editing process and then I need to have it printed for distribution. Incidentally, thanks to friends on Facebook, I found some Organizations where I can volunteer a couple times a week that will really make a difference. I can incorporate some of the work I did last week and include the people I met and helped – what great news!

I will most probably continue going on the streets, because I enjoyed randomly meeting people and just encouraging them. I just decided that I cannot NOT do the things I love. And I am loving being able to help people again.

So anyway, now I am along the lines of chapter 3 in my first novel and its going slowly – but at least it’s going. I am going to focus on that one for the rest of the year – even though I came up with an idea for another one LOL. My friend and I were talking about writing a children’s book, she is a qualified medical illustrator and so she can do all the illustrations for the book (which already has a title!).. But I am going to put that one on the back burner just for now. I have so many things going on in my life and I am loving every minute of it.

I have also found it increasingly easier to meet new people these days and some of the people I have met lately have just been a good, positive effect in my life. Great conversations and expand my sense of vision. It is SO important to surround yourself with people who have a positive effect on you. Friends have to, however, fall into their proper “categories” – you have the friends you laugh with – those are not necessarily the ones you cry with as people can abuse your pain. But you definitely have to have the ones you cry with – those are the ones who know the deepest parts of you and protect you even from themselves at times. And then you have your hang out buddies – if they don’t fall into one of those categories, probably a good idea to only hang out occasionally. And I think I have it the right way up at this moment. Most of my very best of friends don’t even live on the same continent, but they have my best interest at heart and we are connected together by threads that go deeper than all the above combined which just transcend any location.

So that is my little update.. and Ma I know you read this… Love you very much I miss you and that hilarious laugh of your!!

JUST A GIRL IN THE WORLD ARMED WITH COMPASSION

I was so inspired by my friend Astrid Flemming in South Africa who published her book "White Knights" - which has been a major success and her motto for her website is : "Just a girl in the world armed with her words"... Which I thought was an awesome summation of me as well.

I decided to "steal" that little caption and modify it a little with my own twist..

This past week I decided - forget organized charity - I am just going to take to the streets and help people. It's very hard because people are wary of your intentions and also you have to be wary of people approaching you as well. But in my wonderings I met a few people who really did want some help.

I went to Subway and got some food. I had my motivational book in my backpack for back up :)

26 year old *Emily who I 'd seen many times as I was driving by, with her plackard at the traffic lights. We crossed paths. I looked her straight in the eye and smiled and she asked if I could give her some money. I told her I could not, but I could give her some food. As I took out the food, I started speaking with her. Turns out she can't read. I read a few pages to her from Tim Storey's book : "Utmost Living" - about how to make a better life for yourself. I told her I will teach her to read if she meets me everyday at the Methodist Church (Which I need to arrange with them)..

She agreed - I hope she comes.... So, along I went speaking to various people, giving them food and telling them life can be better etc.

Turns out, alot of people don't really care - they want to live that way.

I wrote some emails to people in some Christian Organizations, because I realized that even If I help 100 people in a week and feed them, talk with them and give them hope.. I can't just leave them the way they are... I want to see wholistic transformation. So, I really hope that some of those organizations get back to me and see how we can align to change Denver.

I also realized, since I can't afford to buy a bunch of motivational books to hand out to people... I will write my own. I finished it yesterday. It is just 31 short blurbs that give people some daily encouragement and hope - I will have it printed and bound and ready for next week!!!

Wow what a journey life has been thus far hey? This is the second half of 2009 and it’s been wonderful thus far.

I cannot help but be driven by the aches of my soul.

For adventure.

For something that gives my life a higher meaning and a purpose.

I was quite put off the other day when I tried to sign up for volunteer work on the weekends, the response I got was basically: “unless you are willing to work 7-5 everyday of the week – we can’t help you, we are closed on weekends” - and remember this is VOLUNTEER work.. I became a bit disillusioned actually irritated.. I was like: “don’t people suffer or need help on weekends too??” weird. And I can't just leave my paying job to do volunteer work for a living. I guess America isn’t as in need of people helping as Africa is. I realize that statement probably isn’t 100% true. But I felt it to be a bit ridiculous.

However, I still refuse to withdraw in my determination to change people’s lives. I have seen too many AIDS babies die, seen people’s hurt and pain from poverty and abuse to not want to help SOMEONE.
I want to bear the exquisite beauty and gut-wrenching sorrow that comes with being fully alive. So, the next half of the year is going to be just that.

I decided to do it MY way. No more organized charity. Too many of them are frauds. I am taking to the streets and just doing what I do….

Other than that and writing my book…. I am going to visit my friends in Belgium and indulge in some of Europe in just little over a month. Ofcourse travel always gives me that touch of life, taste of culture and inner refreshing like nothing else can do.
Then, my brother will be embarking on his first journey to the US and that will be incredible.. Big Apple here we come! He has already forewarned me, that he wants to SEE New York.. Well, I am very familiar with The Big, Crazy city, So all I need to do is pack in my Red Bull for the week and go have a blast!

I have very vivid expectations that the rest of the year will unfold a whole new journey for me. Excitedly, I wait in expectation to close out this year with a proverbial bang and when I write my “New Year” blog.. It is going to be reminiscent of awesome, insane memories.

I refuse to be ordinary. I refuse to be labeled. I refuse to live a normal life. I refuse for my voice not to be heard in this life and in this world!

BRING ON THE ADVENTURE I AM READY!!!!!

July 4th Weekend
Most of the weekend I spent relaxing by the pool, doing my chores, watching TV and hanging out.
I went to a Concert at Red Rocks Amphitheatre that was great and watched the July 4th fireworks in the distance.
It was a good weekend. 4 days long… ahhhhhhh
So the other day I was talking with a friend and I spoke about how weird it feels that in my lifetime if I live all my years.. I will see MAJOR historic events take place.

Some of the ones I have witnessed thus far that just changed the world forever were:

1. Nelson Mandela freed from 27 years in Prison so that I can live and walk where I want in my country.
2. Death of Princess Diana who was iconic and unique
3. Bombing of the World Trade centre
4. Barack Obama is elected President
5. Economic recession

I know that if I live out my years I will see some major things that are foreseeable:
England change the National Anthem to: “God save the King” and the world economy will be affected since I imagine British currency will have to be re-printed. So that is major.
The world will say farewell to Nelson Mandela – Unless he lives more than 40 more years…
major major..

But I NEVER EVER thought or imagined.. the death of MICHAEL JACKSON to happen right in the midst of me pondering all these events that have changed and will change the world.

A piece of the world is gone.

And I say that because Michael was a man surrounded by so much controversy. An odd, strange, unique, one of a kind human being, elusive and he certainly defied any definition that anyone can conjure. Did he molest children? No one but he and those children and God will ever know.. (seems a little convenient that millions of dollars seemed to have soothed their pain). Nevertheless the American justice system said:”not guilty”. And if one has to believe in justice (and justice is flawed because it’s human) – then we have to want to believe he was innocent – don’t we?

So, odd.. weird, freakish.. people were appalled by his face, yet millions wanted to dress in his weird styles even after all these years, the denial about having had plastic surgery and lived in oxygen tanks and bleached his skin. He had a monkey called bubbles and a ranch that was like a huge secret fantasy land.

And my response to all that has always been… SO WHAT? What is NORMAL? Who decides it?

His music was iconic and incomparable. Almost every musical artist on this planet has had some influence from MJ. The amount of people he gave to and helped all over the world financially and in kindness and showing up to be there because it mattered.. Does what he did or did not do with his face take away from what he did for mankind? Does the accusation from people who gladly took money to withdraw make what he did a redundant?

Well, I am not here to dispute or defend Michael Jackson. I am here to pay homage to a life who touched billions of people throughout decades.. every race, people, creed and culture was affected somehow by the music, the talent, the dance.. the man.

Have I bought into the “hype” someone cynics have asked me today.. Well, my response is until YOU or I have touched the world the way he has, changed history, opened doors for artists and races and people everywhere, travelled the world and started organizations that help dying people … until then..we should look at “the Man in the Mirror”…. Before we cast stones.

Today is about the gift. We should honor at the very least – the gift that God has given to a man who used that gift to change people’s lives. The greatest performer who ever lived.

RIP. Hamba Khahle Michael Jackson.