It has been a really great week.. The weather in Phoenix has been awesome, warm, bright sunny days.  I took a break this week from job hunting, just doing my projects and enjoying the quality of life without worrying about work, finances etc.  It really added to me to put into perspective what is important in life.  Hey, don'tget me wrong.. working and making money is important and adds to my quality of life and ability to enjoy more things.. but it was the freedom that I enjoyed!

SO you may be wondering.. yeah I changed the look of my blog - I am not a huge fan.. But I was tired of the black and blogger really have ugly templates.. I have been researching websites and may have one up and running really soon (yes, Yes, I have said that a MILLION times!! but this week it will happen!! -hopefully hahahaha)

I have a great sense of wanderlust but also a need of ritual, familiarity and stability...

.. I have been doing alot of thinking (yes, more than usual!)  - Having only a part-time job to stimulate my mental capacity as well as financial state, one tends to delve into the realm of the mind... So I am not sure where this blog is headed.. but my fingers are ready to write whats "up here".. ** taps her temples with her forefinger**

I am…
Part of a wonderful family whom I hardly ever see because I chose to live on the other end of the ocean
A South African living in a foreign country where people often don't understand why I see things differently
A Formula 1 Fan because it's my passion.. the sport of my passion to be more specific.

I have…
A deep compassion and connection with Africa
Travelled to the most divine countries and immersed myself in each one
A desire to see the world even more, have a St. Bernard dog, live in San Diego in a house on the ocean.

I am interested in…
Poetry, goths and a kind of addiction to being "on-line"
Greek Mythology and Egyptian History
Words, their meanings and getting them RIGHT

I want…
To sit on a bench on a cobble-stoned street in Barcelona in a floral summer dress drinking wine
To be loved to capacity without reservation or reserve (the two are not the same - read up about words!)
To make a lasting contribution

I said all of that to start a blog about: Who I am, What I want, what I am interested in, what I have and how it all ties into where I am at right now. A friend of mine once wrote: "A blog is its own kind of narcissim" hmmm.. I wonder about that statement.. 

But enough about him, this is my blog :)))))

I have always viewed my life as an evolution, more than a race to a specific destiny.  Blogs.. they don't just help me make a declaration of who I am, what I want, what I want to believe in.. but they give me an outlet and a backward look at myself....  Isn't taking photographs of your travels and yourself in various places and experiences also narcissistic?  Can we then say every evidence we disply to others about who we are or what we have done a form of narcissim?  Ok - that wasn't the train I was going on....

I look at my life and I just cannot believe my fortune, my blessing and happiness in life.  I have come to realize the reason I do all that I do and stay sane, happy and living a life of adventure.. yet also living a life of "mundane" routine, is because of everything I said above.. it makes up the sum of me and yet none of me is defined in it....

I listened to a song today - we used to sing it in Church (believe it!!)..

I am a mountain
I am a tall tree
Oh, I am a swift wind

Sweepin' the country

I am a river

Down in the valley

Oh, I am a vision

And I can see clearly

If anybody asks u who I am

Just stand up tall look 'em in the Face and say

I'm that star up in the sky

I'm that mountain peak up high

Hey, I made it

I'm the worlds greatest

And I'm that little bit of hope

When my backs against the ropes

I can feel it mmm

I'm the worlds greatest

I am a giant

I am an eagle

I am a lion

Down in the jungle

I am a marchin' band

I am the people

I am a helpin' hand

And I am a hero

If anybody asks u who I am

Just stand up tall look 'em in the Face and say

Well, this song had me thinking...."I'm that little bit of hope, when my back's against the ropes"...  Which is kind of how I feel at this point in my life.. and yet... I am happy - I feel indomitable.. is it because I am 35 (You know when society says you start going downhill in every aspect) and wisdom has come to my "old" bones.. or I am "too old to care"..   I guess my declaration is this...

I am.. I am interested in.. I want.. I have.. I will... I am alive.. and when challenges come, I might as well be my own coach, cheerleader and fan... And really - who is society anyway??  And who cares what they say.. I feel so good, I am healthy, happy and although  I am job hunting in a treacherous economy and job market., I have to remember I was not fired or layed off, I was fortunate to have a great job and decided to move and pursue what I really wanted.. That, these days alone, is a luxury.. If I don't see the good in where I am. If I don't have the vehement belief that I will conquer even this set-back, then I will never fill in the black dots above... all of the "...." is indicative of hope and future.

Being unemployed and having to pay the tax man after my tax return reminds me that for ALL of 2009 I had a job - and I was blessed.   And having only a few hours of work a week gives me to time and space to breathe.. to look my world in the face - watch the sunrise and the sun set.. enjoy day time television and dream about Barelona... Take a walk in the park and be glad I live in a State where it doesn't snow all the time! And Just enjoy the small capacities of life to ever corner....

I'm that star up in the sky

I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it.............................................................................