How can one ask to be taken to the corners of the earth and ask for your heart not to be broken? I want to rise to all of the heights and venture the valleys below in all of the magic of the earth unscathed... what is that??? It doesnt happen! But at the same time, I want to dance in the beauty of nature and in the arms of my refuges - my family.. my true friends.
I thought a while back that I had learnt and knew something of friendship. Until I moved again.. The hardest part of my liquid life.. is having to let go of the connections I make. Leaving South Africa.. saying goodbye to awesome friends and ofcourse my family.. wow that was HARD.. people didn't think it, I guess because my face was framed with a smile and my eyes shone with my expected, excited life in America, of which they all knew I always dreamed.. But it was hard. To have your heart elated and broken at the same time is one of life's big mysteries.
Coming here has hardened me.. and crumbled me.. and it has shown me who I am on the inside.. forced me to face things within myself and about the world.. that really I was either just naive to, or just in denial about.
Every place after Jo'burg has been a flurry of sad goodbyes...
But coming to Arizona..has truly marked a time in my life where most of my friends have put me in their memories from the past. I have about 4 friends left who even bother to say hi to me.
I said goodbye forever to a very close, dear friend...lost her to death a few weeks back... and it made me appreciate life more... and I cannot understand.... why others do not...
Without friends how do you go beyond the strength of your own will. What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness? The harsh reality has made me actually appreciate and realize that it IS about time.. taking time.. MAKING time.. I have two jobs and a hectic social life, studies coming up, writing to do.. and relationships to maintain from across the oceans.. but maintain them I will - I guess its a priority to me....
After we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, but yet in each others lives at all cost - because really what is more important than the people you love?? let us risk remembering that we never stop NOT SO silently loving those we once loved out loud.
