My last ramble for this see-saw year...2011 get outta here.

Why does it always seem like I am starting over.. and then over and then over again?

Not that anything was wrong with what I was doing at the time – it seems my life (much like my mind) doesn’t have the ability to just shut down, sit still and just be….
No – I am not complaining – just commenting.

My life is good. It has always been good. Even the bad turned out good – out of each fire I came out a little shinier, stronger (or something!)

“Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof.” Khalil Gibran once said.

My only addition to that statement is when you grasp it with all your heart (faith, that is) – the proof arrives…  (otherwise what is the point of faith if it doesn’t eventually yield to you the Hopes in your heart – be it tangible or intangible).

 You know, I was first introduced to this author when I was in Standard 9 (11th grade).  It was my history Teacher, Mr. Jeppie.  He wore strange little round glasses, a brown plaid coat and a bow tie.  He taught us nothing about History.  He was too indignant  towards  our “bad manners” as humans to care to impart anything but his classical music blaring some cacophony out of a boom box, put his feet up on the table and tell us to read “chapter – whatever” because it will “be in the exam” and close his eyes.

Ofcourse, no one listened.  Except Sharlene and I.  We were dubbed “the cabbage church kids” (play on the Cabbage patch kids dolls) – because we were the virgins, the goodie-goodies.  I would sit and read my text book, trying to ignore Zunaid (who had been in my class since grade 1) passing me perverted notes or teasing me about something trying to rile me up to join in the misbehaving fun.

Sidenote: The boys in our class came to school to do nothing but cause trouble and laugh about everything!  What fun they had – while me – I studied & wanted to learn – go figure.

I tried in that “history class” to absorb South African history ** I hated South African history ** I would much rather learn about the Egyptians or the French Renaissance, but not about some silly Boer war (which my activist group – “the SRC” told me was all lies anyway! “Free Nelson Mandela!” LOL).

 Nevertheless, I sat quietly and looked at the little Zulu pictorials fighting the Dutch and / or the British and get conned out of their diamonds with bartering of cows and other useless dull items; and every now and then I would look up and Mr. Jeppie would open his one eye and look at me with a grimace Snarl  disgusted look… One day after class – he asked me why I was always quiet and always reading, when no one else seemed to care.

**PS: This wasn’t the time he found me late for class handcuffed to a tree that I was barely tall enough to reach (common pranks the boys played on me because I was little and the youngest) – but that is a story for another time.**

I was confused and couldn’t really answer – I was honestly interested in learning – I loved English (Thanks Mr. Thompson - forever in your debt) and History.  He (Jeppie) said, “Since you like reading, here – read something that atleast can teach you the “meaning of life””.  WOW – the MEANING of life.  What 15 year old wouldn’t want that!  So, I read “the Prophet” and I fell in love with all the created misunderstandings my brain could not comprehend at that age.  I blame my wandering mind, my insatiable passions for the pursuits of the depths of humanity and the soul on Mr. Jeppie and his stupid “meaning of life”.

About a century later – fast forward to present day – I am in awe of the writings of “the Prophet”.  I feel that stirring in my inner being, the capacities of myself into which I am yet to adventure, come to life.  I see from a place of all kinds of corners of nowhere and everywhere the chambers of my love for this world and its people. And to want to know why life is so deep, so vast and I wonder if I can indeed drown myself from the inside out in her glory and not wither away.  I don’t know why I am the way I am.. not sure why every stitch of my makeup yearns for such magnitudes.
Some pragmatics / logical or rational people will call my musings an emotional faux pas or philosophically naïve or whatever.

Some days – I wish I was different and didn’t have these endless scrambled need to find the fragility of  mankind and our capacity for pure and sacred love.. inconvenient, aching love.. going beyond the walls of what is possible or conceivable.

I haven’t tasted of every part of my imagination yet.  And time is ticking away.. I have tasted some.. and drank of the wine of life with so much of its ecstasy and I just want more – to know what dwells beneath, what lies within, what goes beyond myself.  I have also been stung by the sorrow and heartache of where that place takes you.  And I don’t want one without the other..  I want the intimacy with life that one embraces it all.

Being who I am comes with its own cross to bear.  It’s not that I constantly feel unfulfilled. It’s that every filling empties itself into a garden of newness and I am left hollow again, wanting another.

“Only when you are empty are you at standstill
and balanced. When the treasure-keeper lifts
you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs
must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.”  (Guess who?)

**clears throat** - So back to new beginnings

As if Saturday (2011)---> and Sunday (2012) will be two different life experiences.. will  Sunday magically wash away Saturday and every negative event that preceded it? –

Probably not – but the hope of newness is always what makes New Years the celebration that it is.  It does not matter what pain you faced, what joy you inhaled, what love you drowned in or what betrayal crushed your heart.. we all hope that “Next Year”.. is a new year – of New beginnings.

Hola – 2012 ---> Miss you Mummy, Daddy, Clint and Alton.. see you next year!

E-Christmas

Or in a more native tongue:

Sinifisela Ukhisimusi Omuhle (Zulu for Merry Christmas)

Christmas is celebrated throughout the African continent by Christian communities large and small. There are approximately 350 million Christians in Africa. On Christmas day carols are sung from Ghana down to South Africa, Meats are roasted, gifts are exchanged and family visits made – Actually – if you go to most Continents – Christmas is celebrated this way.

This year – I once again celebrated with my adopted South African family in Temecula – the food was good – the company fantastic and it was a relaxing – joyous time of gifts, laughter and speaking Afrikaans. (^^,)

 Something is wrong with me, for sure ---> I have zero desire to do anything at all this year.  On Friday (30th Dec) I am going to see Michael Jackson's "Immortal" Cirque De Soleil concert - I am SO excited about it. I heard it is phenominal.  Outside of that - nada.. nothing stirring.


Normally, I am all about "where da party at!" ring in the New Year right. Make some noise, have a story to tell... and all that jazz..

 In New Year's Eve's past, I have done:

• NYE At Mandela Square – fireworks etc.

• NYE at an expensive event at Fashion TV Café with family and friends
• NYE in Dubai – the Hilton Hotel with Vietnamese food and decadence
• NYE in Times Square – New York City
• NYE in London – not in the city – in a small town
• NYE in Vegas
• NYE in Downtown Denver – it was freaking cold (not as bad as New York though!)
• I once fell asleep and didn’t ring in the New Year – I was sad (><)
• NYE over the Atlantic Ocean – on my way back from Australia. I don’t think they did anything other than tell us: “Happy New Year” – but it's New Year’s eve again because we just crossed International time zones and went back a day – that messed me up – I can’t even remember what I did that NYE again - it was too freaky!
• NYE In Clubs in Scottsdale getting hammered and fighting my way through crowds of hammered people
• I spent one NYE with good friends at their home, eating laughing and making a braai
• NYE at Church for the Millennium service (not because of Y2K!)  And then went home to a gorgeous house we were house sitting and watched all the NYE celebrations around the world

Ok that’s about all I can really remember! 

So what will I write about NYE 2011?  Hell if I know! Maybe it will be: ‘Stayed home with the turtle and drank a nice glass of wine.” Maybe it will be: “hung out with some friends at an open house” or something else.. All I know is.. I have no LIS for NYE

So unlike me.. My mum says I am getting old that’s why –

 hahaha

In the words of the wise Zach Galifianakis (The dude from the hangover) = "Whatevs?!!!!! 

Where did December come from?

Each time 330 days (give or take) pass, people start asking: “where did the year go?”

What happened to 2011?

Well, I already did a speedy recap of my year in a previous blog– however; the year did not start out wonderful and adventurous for me.  2011 birthed itself in excruciating labor – with pains, groans and a lot of blood and gore!  I am sure it is no secret that 2010 was a tough one for me, I ‘barely made it’ emotionally - ok.  (Thankfully 2011 didnt stay dismal - it became rather wonderful!!)

When you are in the moment, life just seems so hard and slow and then when you are having a good time – time just doesn’t even seem to matter, nor stand still long enough for you to bask in the pleasure.  But I have learnt and come to realize that time is the same – no matter the good or the bad experiences of it... If you lose time, it’s just gone.. youth goes with it.. and life will pass you by.  Unless  you look into your own soul and live out the passions within it, you will just sit and constantly look backward in despair or look forward hopelessly - YOU decide to live in this moment and make the most of it.

It sounds very clichéd, after all -haven’t philosophers, preachers, teachers and motivational people been saying this for centuries and yet we still have struggles about past and future.  When neither really exists in the NOW.  Every time you get to the future it changes its name.. And here we are.. Christmas is on the horizon. People are starting to look back – some with disappointment, pain and discouragement and some with joy and gratitude..

And we also look forward.  

There is a wariness about this time of year.  People are just tired.  We all work hard. Some of us have played hard and just exhausted life’s goodness (who are they? LOL).   And some have wallowed in the land somewhere in between.  Wherever you find yourself at this time – I can only pray that there is still a place for hope and most of all love.

Falling in love, loving, being loved is the only thing that matters on earth.. So I plan to fall in love with as many things as possible… give love to as many people as possible and embrace love in as many ways possible.. Because the “greatest of these [things in life] is Love”.

I quoted the end of that scripture but the paraphrased version of the entire thing says (This is the Delise interpretation):

“It really doesn’t matter who you are or what you do…without love you are really nothing at all".

Love never fails.. every person (no matter the name or the fame) will go away, every fortune will disappear, every tongue will cease.. and all that remains on this earth is Faith, Hope and Love.. but the greatest of these... Is love”

1 Corinthians 13.

Wishing you more love than you have capacity to imagine, more hope than your mind can conceive and more peace than your heart has ever known - for now AND for the New Year to come!!

Have a Safe and wonderful Christmas.  I am looking forward to fabulous 2012 full of purpose and new and exciting adventures.
To God be the Glory.

Shanghai – October 2011

Wow, it has been a while since I posted.  I started this awesome blog, it was going to be a day-day (actually more like a minute by minute) account of my wonderful adventure to Shanghai and then I deleted the entire 6 pages by mistake – ughh! It has taken me about a month to sit down and start again.

Only because life has been so busy – by the time I get home, I no longer want to look at my computer screen other than to watch Sex and the City re-runs J

So, here I am making my second attempt at recounting my fabulous time in Shanghai.

The flight was SO long and tedious. But eventually I arrived in Japan as the Sun was setting – the red, beautiful almost incandescent Japanese Sun that gave me desires of seeing what lies beyond.

My 2 hour layover wrapped itself up rather quickly and I was off to Shanghai. My friend “M” was waiting at the hotel for me – we had plans to have a glass of wine at the bar, but by the time I arrived at the hotel in the deathcab – the hotel bar had already closed.  When I entered the room, though “M” was waiting for me with a huge glass of wine, a warm smile and a big hug.. ahhh it was amazing from the get go.  After a good few hours of catch-up,  a shower and mild unpacking we headed for bed.  (Apparently I snore!)

The next day we woke up not too early and headed downstairs to enjoy a buffet breakfast – I was cautious of my eating since my stomach has been on the attack for the past 4 months.  We hopped in a cab to peruse the old markets on “old street” – one Tip about Shanghai – always ask your concierge to translate your destination into Mandarin symbols.. or the cab drivers won’t take you anywhere!

We bought a few nice trinkets and sampled some great tea – we went to marvel at the beautiful Juan Gardens and then it was time to make our way to M’s dance rehearsal.  It was really fun to meet all the dancers, and watch them perform.  After the few hour rehearsal we decided to get a nice long Chinese massage.  Massages in China are so cheap and SO good – for an hour you only pay around $20 and they offer you tea, the environment is so professional, luxurious and serene.  We had a quick dinner at an Italian restaurant with some wine ofcourse and at around 11pm after walking the streets a bit headed back to the hotel.  While M skyped, I had a shower and went to bed with a big smile in my heart.

On Tuesday morning M wasn’t feeling very well, I was awake bright eyed very early and decided to take a walk around where our hotel was, to explore a little.  It was fun to watch the people make their way to work, they have these fun cornerside stores that cook eggs and dumplings right outside on the street corner and everyone lines up for their morning hot breakfast.  The air was clean and crisp, not too cold and I learned very quickly to watch in every direction before crossing any road – traffic lights don’t mean much in China!

I brought back some good old starbucks  to the room for a small brekkie and a chat.  M decided to stay in as she hadn’t gotten any sleep – so I decided to wonder off on my own.  I took a cab to People’s square and tried to stay close to the tourist places. Did some shopping and some marveling.  Shanghai has so many beautiful, futuristic looking buildings.   I had lunch on the rooftop of the art museum and then I took a tour bus.. I saw the Bund, the Congress buildings, The Shanghai Museum, All the little old streets with markets and the new streets with designer stores. The Big Red Tour buses are the best way to get around! And at $25 for half a day - can't beat that!

If I had left that day – I would have been happy that I saw most of Shanghai! J haha

I met M at the studio and we all went for mani / pedis, then for drinks and out to walk about chatting, laughing and seeing Shanghai!

On Wednesday – M was ready to rock and roll – we went to Tian Chang road and spent far too much money – all these little side streets and alleys lure you into their mystery and spit you back out penniless. We also had a delicious Chinese lunch at a cute restaurant with the sun floating into the balcony room, and the aromas of Chinese samplers teasing our tastebuds.. ahh bliss and round tummies.  I went to the top of that insanely tall bottle opener building – was scary and cool.  And after eating far too many chocolates we made our way to the underground metro station for the ‘special bags’.. I used to love “Fake” designer bags when I could no longer afford real ones (ahh the good old days when fortune smiled upon me).. but as time passed – I started to feel like a fake myself.. who was I fooling?? And for what? So people can think I am special with my special bag – bleg. I didn’t buy anything.  The evening was wonderful – we met up with a French Ambassador, a stylish, eloquent young man who mesmerized and entertained us for the night on the rooftop lounge of the Roosevelt – overlooking the Bund, the Shanghai river and the wonderful, hypnotic city lights. 

Many cocktails were had (including a Singapore Sling - which I failed to have in Singapore!)
and the night ended wonderfully.

Thursday rolled around and it was my last day in Shanghai… We went to breakfast with LingXi a good friend of M and also a dancer – we chatted and caught up and she schooled us on the tastes of traditional Chinese dumplings.  M went to the last rehearsal and I headed to some Buddhist temples and more shopping. I got lost and found myself in some weird funky back streets.. I was nervous – eventually I found the Four seasons hotel **Hallelujah**  - I had the concierge give me directions to Nanjing road for the deathcabbie– Nanjing is the Picaddily Circus of Shanghai.. In the center of bustling short people, clicking cameras of European Tourists and being licked by a dog (story for another time!).. I found an Audi display in true Asian style **whoop**took a few short videos and my time was up.  I met up a few hours later with the girls for another manicure and an hour long foot massage.  (how jealous are you now?)… 

After our relaxation we parted ways with Lingxi and met up at a friends’ house who happens to be one of the hugest Celebrities in China (think Simon Cowel)..  we went to a divine dinner in a private room – I was cautious.. it was HOT food.. It was delicious – the company was amazing - caution flew out the window - we took a walk around before heading back to the hotel.. needless to say.. I regretted the hot food later.

Up early to say our goodbyes.. sniff sniff.. and off I went for my long haul to Detroit. BTW don’t EVER fly Delta on long hauls – they have NO TV!  Like 16 hours! Jislike!

And that in a nutshell was Shanghai. I look forward to many more adventures to come J

This Year in Review.

Ok, so it is not quite the very end of the year, but I thought I would do a speedy review of what this year was about for me, since I was on quite a long blog hiatus. 

I can’t do it month by month, since my memory is not as sharp as it once was.  I did spend a really nice birthday in California, Island of Catalina in June this year.  I ate and saw the sites, it was wonderful and relaxed.

I also got involved in the film Industry. Well, it started out with a friend of a friend who needed extras.  After the first Airport shoot, where I was unnamed airport person number 1 (insert jokes here).. and then like a lonely puppy I followed the crew to their next location.. And the rest is history.  Made a nice bunch of teenage friends (one needs those around to remind you of youth with it's great collagen and natural energy - this too shall pass  -**insert evil grin**!)

Here is the movie list thus far in which I played "a person" or something:

(Have to document in case it wins an Oscar and I get to sit in the 4000th row and applaud the movie I was nameless in)

-          Innocents
-          Colonial Theater
-          Blood Money

(Pictures courtsey of **Second Chance Productions and **JML Productions - check out their Facebook pages.. talented folks!)

I also got my permanent residence stamp, yippee and I bought myself 4 wheels of independence in the form of Four beautiful rings (non-car enthusiasts might not catch the reference!)

I put my house in South Africa on the market (… call me..)

Anyway, back to the point!

Also, I took a really nice trip to Colorado, stayed in the cutest B&B and happened upon another movie shoot where I was an extra! Imagine that! (Photo Finish I believe it was called) I Went on the wine train in the mountains and drank delicious wine. Looked at my photos and realized : “Dang girl you got fat!” ok, so then I decided to do P90x.. I think this sequence is wrong. But I know I decided something.. I can’t remember what.. and I am sure you are wondering if it worked.. tick tock.. any day now.

However, this has been a  good year. I have been religiously attending “Phoenix First Assembly” church… (get the pun?)  I have found much peace in going back to a spiritual connection. It has been good. I try to stay away from crazy Christians, but they keep finding me! It has been good though. And I enjoy it. Kind of like a B12 shot for the soul  - God is my sustenance.. But church.. well, lets just say I only drink SOME of the kool-aid ;).. I like it.. you know me..


I decided to write this blog just as a recap of the year and also  the start of a new journey on my blog.

This journey starts in Shanghai.. I leave on Oct 15th.. Pictures and tales of Adventure to come.

Oh guess what? 

I am baaaack bi**ches!!

The 6 month lost diaries...

It would stand to reason that I should start all the way back in February.. and work my way to now - and what happened in between that sandwich - one slice of anxiety, pain and heartache and another slice of joy, relief and elation.. and whatever is in between.. But I dont think I have the time for all that! hahaha

I bought my very first car today - well, first in the USA.. I just love it!  Signed all the papers and drove off the lot with paper license plate :)  Was so scary and exhilirating - kind of reminded me of my life at times.

I am so happy.  I am finally home.. No more waiting and wondering - Don't get me wrong.. South Africa runs strong through my veins and that will always be my true home - but I now have a new residence.. and I can finally start moving forward in life.

I have a few decisions to make.. but ultimately, I am just enjoying the peace, joy and love that I am basking in right now...

Praise be to the God of my heart and soul!


So as I have said many times in the past.  I had achieved all the dreams I set out to achieve. I have already checked off the items on my "bucket list" - well, it wasn't so much a bucket list as it was a "before I turn 30" list.. All done.. In the bag..

Now that I have the final piece of paper.. I can proceed to the second half of my "bucket list"

Onward and upward now..

Thats all.. Sorry my loyal followers - not details this time.. but SO much exciting things coming up..

Wow, it has been a very long time since I blogged.. I am sure most of you were starting to conjure depressive thoughts that my blogging days were over... well, I am baaack :)

This year has been a challenge - But as always some great experiences and major breakthroughs! but before I write about all that - here are some pics from what I have been up to.. This is simply my "Resurrection" Blog.. the story follows shortly.

 *(Picture added to pay homage to the stupid girl on Facebook who un-friended me because I take pictures of myself in the bathroom LOL ridiculous!)

Resurrected

I contemplated so many times just to stop blogging. Whether for me or the world, my blog was just my voice, crying in some wilderness to be heard - or not heard at all.. but it's kind of the 21st century way of taking a snapshot of your thoughts.  I suppose, it seemed like "blogging” has become "So yesterday".. and that I needed to perhaps join a new "fad" - yeah Facebook is still "in", tweeting is still “in”, but blogging is apparently now only for those who feel the need to be exhibitionists, overexposing their brash opinions, forcing the world to read thoughts that should sometimes rather be left in your head.. and maybe even people who yap way too much for their own good.  Oh, I read that blogging is for those who are too cowardly to say things in person (or on Facebook - since expressing your rude, arrogance on Facebook is quite acceptable these days).


But then, I thought about it some more - I have said it so many times, why do I blog? what does it even matter.   Do any of my words have meaning to anyone other than me?.. do I want it to mean anything to anyone else?  If it’s my "journal" - then why do I even care?  I don't know - I guess for me, It started out as a diary of my new life in America - marking not only the days and the newness of it all, but the fun and weird things I experienced along the way, posting my pictures for my mum to be able to see me living my life from across the ocean.. to a place where I could lay down my loneliness, my regrets and dreams that have died before my eyes.


I never did it for anyone to gather my words and say "there, there".. simply just to evacuate.. or something.

For some odd reason , my blog took a turn from travel to turmoil.

And I guess if I am going to write about it.. then I suppose I have no choice but to be honest.  Do I share and bare it all? Certainly not. I found it rather amusing that people felt like I was sharing all my “dirty laundry” with mother earth and her nosy inhabitants.. yet if you read carefully I haven’t shared a thing but thoughts and feelings .. Isn’t it funny how even my own thoughts – and my own freedom of expression  has someone saying “please explain”?? and to who?? For what?

I guess that is the price you pay for putting anything in front of the eyes of anyone. Accountability – something lost on the “3^rd largest population on the planet – the new world order” (Facebook). Hey, I have nothing against Facebook.. afterall its just people being people and we all know how that story goes!

Anyway, what’s my point?

I have made my declarations about what I want from this life.. so boldly and unapologetically – I wonder if people think I have gone mad (too bad!  I am now officially too old to care and I am old enough to use the phrase “ too old to care!”)

Ugh my stomach hurts.

Ok now I have to go LOL I will make my point about resurrection next time.

Crap.

Pics from Christmas.. I forgot to post my Christmas pics.. was a great time in California

This little life of mine...

It was not so long ago that my life was filled with more joy than I could imagine, excitement, friendship, work, travel and relaxation.. It was also not so long ago that my life was filled with fear, trials, loneliness, stress and darkness.

Contemplating life is what I have always done. My pursuit to live my life with vivacity, sensibility and grace has sometimes fallen pray to just dreaming about it.  I do realize that life is about minutes, seconds... days, routines, work, taxes, dishes, cleaning, sleeping. All the mundane things that one just simply has to do.  And, I also know that life is made up of doing things that making your heart swell, your mind expand to enormous capcities, and being irrevocably inlove and insatiably, unapologetically given over to passion.  Most of us live somewhere in between those two worlds.

My conviction is that those two worlds must collide and that balance between the "stuff" and the dreams is the "perfect" life.

I find myself presently working so hard that it makes me physically sick sometimes. I have absolutely no friends with which I share things and also no motivation to change that.. as if driven by a terrestrial paradise into a wilderness with just myself..

I have started writing a book - about how no one can live your life but YOU.  Yes, sh**t happens.. but at the end of the day YOU live in your life and you have to just find a way to make things happen. Here are a few examples from my own life - where I am learning these lessons.

I have my own little routine which involves just me, after an exhausting week, I just want to write, eat, sleep, watch movies... and most of the time none of that involves anyone else. And I get depressed about being alone, but at the same time, I just don't have the energy to go out and make friends.

I realised something the other day: I never had to actually go out and make friends in my life!  I tried to think back to a time when I was alone and had to go "join" something to meet people.. and really.. I couldnt think of one instance where I wasnt just thrown into groups or friends just flocked my way.  And I think that is part of why I am where I am... because having to go DO something in meet people seems like climbing mount everest and really if you work where I work.. who has the energy to even climb a hill!!!

But If I want to live a balanced life I have to change that.

I have gained about 8pounds and I cant seem to shake it.. well the truth is - I am really not even trying very hard. I exercise everyday but I eat just as much.. and I almost feel as if I don't really care that much.. Yet I complain to myself about it everyday... lol and then I say its because I am 36.. I cant lose weight (right!)

If I want to live a balanced and full life.. I have to change that.

So my point really is.. this is MY life and it's not waiting.. while life moves on and my age creeps up on me.. I dont want to have regrets.. I need to get off my (now fat) ass LOL and go live my life. Yes I need to have patience for a few things to fall in place and I need to be focussed on it and wait out the storm.. But I need to squeeze some FUN into this thing I call my life - cause ain't no one gonna do it for me!!

Enough is enough already. Just DO IT. (ok - sorry If I bored you.. that was just to motivate me! :))

2011 - Respite

After an exhaling, relaxing end to a distasterous year.. I feel as if my life has crept into respite.  Ahh oh, the peace.

I spent Christmas with a bunch of South Africans, the food was good, the company was great - felt like a little taste of home. This all happened in California!  I then headed to Vegas for 3 days of just fun, spending too much money and eating way too much! Nothing wrong with that!

The thing I hate about the end of the holidays, is that people are all of a sudden"new" - there is this expectation that you must wake up on Jan 1st and now have NEW goals, forget everything from the year previous and do something new.  And be better...

I have always said that I have an untamed expansiveness within me.. a vastness that will never relax, a monumental span of dreams that refuse to die or be anesthetized - I just cannot even begin to explain "goals".. since I want it all .. I want to do it all!

I had my time in December (albeit it short) to relax, revitalize and now it is time to rediscover who I am .. and make my mark on everything!  life will still be tough.. after all - life is life. That's just what you get when you are in on this planet. Deal.  I am tougher and stronger because of it all!

Here I Go!