The Study

Two months have passed in somewhat of a flash.

My life went from the crazy train x 1 (just me) to the crazy train x about 10 (a whole new world and family).  àmore on that later.

As many of you know, I am a very passionate person and I long to and strive to connect with all parts of myself – I never leave any stone unturned in what I desire in life, or want to explore.

I joined a Hollywood Bible study group a few weeks ago– we have video calls online.  My life coach joins us occasionally, but in general we meet in our small groups to talk about life, to grow together and become who we were meant to be.  Sadly, my celebidols = Bill and Giuliani Rancic are not part of my group boo hoo J

We are currently reading the Bestselling Book: “Thrive” by Ariana Huffington – We are learning about how to put our lives into a balanced success by following the 4 principles of:

‘Well-being’, ‘wisdom’, ‘Wonder’ and ‘Giving’

These being the pillars by which to ground ourselves.

Yesterday we had a surprise special guest on video – an old friend, very famous person, whom shall remain nameless. After the video call, I was so sparked with thoughts, my spirit literally jumping in me with excitement to learn and grow and become more… better.. awesome. I couldn’t sleep… I made notes. I pulled out old blogs / writings task sheets. Suddenly, my heart was awake! My spirit – Alive!

He spoke about your individual Human Energy – and how if you have wisdom you know to follow wherever there is great energy, “Success Energy”  – you need to follow that Energy for you to achieve your own measure of success, its infectious.. BE! infectious.

So, day by day now, I am learning to tune into people’s Energy not just in person, but in every person I read, things I see, things I watch.  People I encounter etc.  Wherever wisdom can be added to my life, that is where you will find me.

My “New Life’

Ok, I exaggerate when I call it “My New Life” – I mean really, it’s just another evolving piece to who I am and where I am going.

My relationship, not without its challenges, is going pretty well.  It has been quite a few months.. and we are growing together.. learning a new sort of connection. We have both been married before. As most of you know, I was married to an awesome person, had an awesome life – so I dare not compare.. life just had other plans for each of us individually – so we chose paths that didn’t converge any longer. That love, still strong and which will always be a part of the building foundation of who I am --> I take it to the future with me. Not the romantic love, as that needs to be put aside. But that human love, for a person who is such a huge part of my history.  And Who I am happy to say is very happy and thriving in his own new life.  It’s the circle of life.  

Remember the story of “Candide’ – by Voltaire?  And how at every turn, he faced some ungodly, unimaginable challenge which caused him to want to just throw himself off a cliff - and even that couldn't happen, when he tried to die - death ran away ! LOL .. He met a beautiful lady with whom he meant to run away and make love all day long,  (Whom he called (and I quote): “ gem of all women , Nature’s Masterpiece”) until she was abducted by barbarians and ravaged as a play thing day in and day out  - by the time he found her, she was such a lesser version of herself than she had ever been, ravaged and beaten up.  He decided he still loved her and married her anyway – but the minute he married her, she grew “ugly” to him – the funny quote in the book:

“ I grow older and my wife grows uglier… woe is me” HAHHA. Well, not so funny – :"/

Ok I just have to paste an excerpt:

"What a series of shocking calamities!" cried Candide. "But after all, I
have some diamonds left; and I may easily pay Cunegonde's ransom. Yet it
is a pity that she is grown so ugly."

Waiting for the next thing

Candide was always in the midst of a calamity and crisis, trying to get to the next best thing.. Like Candide, we, too are sometimes waiting for “this to pass” so that we can get to that greener pasture.. or even just a good thing.. but in the end, we have to realize – every challenge, every “bad” thing.. IS our lives. We have to live IN and through those moments and find the greatness in ourselves as much as look forward to the other side.. or we will miss the mystery of ourselves and the beauty of life. Easy? HELLS NO!

(Ironically the Name “Candide” Means Optimist.. haha He was anything BUT!)

Candide travelled with Pangloss.. his wise counsel – who incidentally turned out to be quite the fool, actually! His mantra was that everything happened for a reason (sounds good? ) But he would always add – therefore nothing is worth anything, because it will happen anyway.. why hope.  Now THAT is the energy you need to RUN from.

My relationships

My relationship finds me –  THE solo gypsy who gets up  anytime, any place and floats through the world, wakes up and does what she is inspired to do.. I now find myself in a family. 

Children, parents, Aunts, Uncles and routines.  Oh AND dogs!

None of them my own.  At first I looked around and asked myself, how did I end up here????  – feeling like I am happily absorbed, BUT don’t fit in this situation at all..  But you know life and God have a sense of humor. And the passion that I feel draws me to continue wanting to experience this journey. It’s hard. Oh, boy – don’t get me wrong.  It seems easy to people who have continuously been absorbed in family or structure.  And they won’t really understand how tough it is for someone like myself who is used to being the captain of my own space and time.. to pull in the reigns for this new experience.  It’s quite the mental and spiritual challenge.

The most important relationship I have is the one with myself. I am conscientiously and continuously aiming to be better, do more, be more -> .. but also achieve that B word that eludes us all…. And then there are times, I realize I need to just free fall…

I free fell for a minute and found myself in love again.  Not a bad way to hit the ground!

Easter

I spent Easter with the two precious kiddos and the family. They were dressed up so beautifully, hair all done. And the food was delicious. What a generous family.. Why do I always land in the same sphere as incredible people?  I pay attention...

We hid Easter eggs and ate, and laughed.  It was fun. I can’t really remember Easter in South Africa.

(Vaguely remember holidays, Hot-crossed buns, Easter eggs, Picked Fish and church)

Anyway, my family was largely dysfunctional. We spent a lot of time doing our own thing.  We never had “family” things – well cousins came over sometimes, it was always unpleasant, there was always drama that left everyone sour.  My mom’s laughter always turned to sadness. Makes me sad to think about.   But in the end, we all survived. I like to think I thrived regardless. 

So, I mention that because I am wondering how to be in a family.. what it really means, what part do I play.  Even when I was married. We were always the awesome two-some. Globe trotting. The occasional awkward Christmas lunch and visit here and there… was the sum of the family experience. Everything always seemed so forced in my family. No one is perfect.  I just feel so displaced. Yet, God continues to pull me into these weird situations.

Haha - I mean honestly, I am a very awkward person in family situations now. But its ok - I guess they think I am jst quirky ;)

Children = aliens?

Even after the foster experience of the AIDS babies.. They were never really mine, so my heart, though moved, never connected as if they were my own.  Not that these two that I have the pleasure and privilege of experiencing are my own.. But probably the closest I will get (who knows)  – continue to enlarge my heart and tear down all my comfort zones.

I am so awkward. But I am enjoying the experience of the inexperienced :)

The March of FUN

Working Backwards…

In March, I planned 9 fun things for us to do. 

1.      We went to the batting cages. I must say even with arm flab – I didn’t do too badly! Yes people, believe it! I can now be classified as a voluptuous woman!

2.      We did brunch at the Wriggly mansion, that was fantastic

3.      We went on a foodie tour in old town Scottsdale and met the drunkest, fun people

4.      Re-created our first date – was weird cause we met online hahaha. But it created this air of excitement again

5.      Played tennis and never stopped, we now try to go every Friday (arm flaps and all)

6.      Breakfast all day in bed

Some other fun things we did was take the kids to the Butterfly Pavilion and Lazer maze in Phoenix and then also to a Hawaiin festival and Jum Street, where we jumped on     trampolines for a hour - I lost my breath and had to use my emergency Inhaler.. (old!) teehee

I can’t remember the rest, but with kids, hectic work and social schedule, it was quite the task to pull this altogether LOL – but we did it and it gave us a new appreciation for each other and the world!

Long Beach -April

Yes yes yes – I went AGAIN  this time just for the day – but it was SO worth it. Got to eat at the South African place nom-nom and also got to see South African friendy  (Chrishands) and her roomies which were SO delightful!! What great and SUPER strong Martini.. I think half the night was lost in that drink! I know Matthew McConaughey was involved, there was a dog - no wait, there were two dogs.. and an actor in a suit, and a guy with salt/ pepper hair and LOTS of Designer bags .. Nevermind its all too fuzzy. ;/ Those who were there know what went down..

And how we are here in May….

This month is a lot of saving money, spending time at home and getting ready for London in July. 

Also, trying to plan for a future and get things going in a direction. Work has been unbelievably busy – but also, with all the travel, I have had some flexibility to be part of days off.  Playing tennis, spending time by the pool as it is getting hot (well, not ME by the pool!) - Just trying to stay away from the stores.

I might be going to Costa Rica in June on a Missions trip – trying to see how I can pull it off.  I need to find away to convince my boss that I need 8 days off a month before I take 8 days off

So, as far as updates go – that’s enough – yes?

Peace out peeps J