The Beauty of an idea...

I have been told recently that I like the beauty of an idea much more than the actual idea when it comes into fruition. I spend a lot of time in my mind, exploring all my neat and curious ideas.. when one finally comes to pass, it feels anti-climatic.  I am then dismissive about it and want another new idea to find refuge in.

My life is often a tragedy because I feel so strongly and my emotions can outweigh my rationale, but then when I start getting my mind involved, it is quite the comedy.  

Me and my twin are quite the pair.  I have a fierce sense of Independence, I roar like a lion and anyone who gets in my way, beware~. Do You see this life I enjoy - I made it.  ME! 

Delise FREAKING Moore!!!

I crafted it with my imagination, my unwillingness to accept no and the power of my perseverance.  The keen, passionate conviction that nothing but the best will do. 

However, My twin thinks she has helped.. because she, on the other hand.. needs her hand held by many friends. Needs to have her beauty and charms noticed and shouted from the rooftops.  Acceptance, appreciation and mostly approval.... 

While I was creating myself, she was looking for romance and love and daisies...

Love and hate are very strong with these two. She has fits of jealousy camouflaged as love, she cries and yet I.. have a strong willed need to be alone. I think I am my best friend, I never feel lonely and no one needs to come to my aid!

All of this being said because, I find myself in a place of turmoil at this point in my life.

The fiery twin.. yeah she is asleep right now.  Oh, and the one who just wants to bounce and frolic in the pretty flowers of life's pretty little rainbows.. she - too is asleep!

This perennial torture and inability to get up from out of it, has taken its toll on me.

I have googled "what to do when life gets you down"..  with the sheer amount of information out there - the one thing seemed a painfully obvious message:

YOU GET BACK UP!! That is what...

Simple.  Nothing else is relevant. 

No one can motivate you

No one can pick you up

You just have to DO IT Already and stop complaining!

BAM!

Evolution and such

Here I am having a moment of Random ramblings with myself again. 

So, I turn to my good old friend.  "My Blog"

This past weekend I went to Disneyland.  It was so much fun to be a kid again. Ofcourse, I am not THAT much of a kid, that my sense of fear has eluded me enough to try crazy roller coaster rides.

Nevertheless, a midst the constant teasing and name calling about how lame / weak / or a wimp I am.. I just took it in my stride, in good fun and didn't take anything personally.  I went on a few kids rides, had a few laughs - exaggerated the fun for the sake of the kids, screaming and laughing, throwing up my hands and being goofy - it was liberating and fun.

At the end of the day, I am just one of those people who can dish it AND take it.  Many of my name callers.. not so much - the minute they get dealt some teasing.. all of a sudden it becomes "personal attacks" - They get all defensive or become silent and miserable or even resort to insulting.. so - what? I will be the wimp of the day.  I am cool with that.  Life is to short to sweat all this small stuff...

Also, nice to experience people in a completely different environment.

Reflections: 

As my 40th birthday fast approaches and this year races on like nothing I have ever known. I have come to a few conclusive facts about myself:

Though I feel and look like a lessor version of my youthful self,  I can truly now say, I am So much less vain.  Oh, isn't that the irony.. You are so encumbered with vanity when you are youthful and fit, your skin is amazing, and you can drink the hind legs off a donkey and shake it off the next day!

But when the beauty fades and all is stripped away.. things suddenly become more real. You start to value who you are as a person in this world.

I haven't "saved" anyone lately, I find myself having to be the product of being saved!

Thanks to my very close girlfriends and my life coach.. I get pulled up out of the rubble of my own mind.. and then I can see clearly again.

That does not mean that I don't still get depressed about it - I have just realized the fact that how my face looks, largely is up to genes and fate - ofcourse I need to keep trying to be healthy holistically. But there are some things, you just cant avoid.

Secondly, I learned that My body looks the way it looks directly because of the lifestyle I live. Nothing more nothing less. I am the only one who allowed myself to look this way.

Once I have faced those facts> I am now liberated to change it / accept it / love it or hate it.

So, today - instead of freaking about how much I ate this weekend. I just keep starting again - over and hope I can be consistent in the midst of a pretty crazy life!.

Less sugar, more veggies, more exercise. The more I do that, the more success will find me.

And in the meantime - Just love my curves. But not allow them to become bulges and bumps!

Sounds good?

Hooray!

BTW in 2007 - that picture isn't Photoshopped.. or enhanced by some phone APP>. that's really how my skin looked.  

Celebrate who you were.

Celebrate who you are

Celebrate who you will be

warts and all.

<3