Life at Full Volume. Life at Full Speed. Life in Full Color [Volume I]

Mother’s Day

The first thing that happens is, I never thought I would be celebrating Mother’s Day for myself. Honestly, I never desired to have children, I never yearned for a baby or the [so I heard] thankless responsibility of raising them, only for them to snub you and put you in a home for other people to snub you, when they are done with their use of you!

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids, as long as they go home at night to someone else. lol

When I started dated a guy with kids and a dog.. I didn't conceptualize the responsibility of taking it all on.  Your focus in the beginning is purely on the relationship.  I figured, he has them "part-time" - how hard can that be? But as time went on, we all got into a great routine.  I also wasn't expecting to NOT have the “break” that most people have in a divorced / blended family situation.  The mom gets the kids sometimes deal. But, instead, we have them full time.

However, we have a lot of help, which I am so grateful for.  

Now, I actually think I am in the "perfect" parental scenario – I get to experience all the cute things that kids do. I get to experience the frustration of defiance, but I can remove myself from it emotionally a lot easier than most moms seem to be able to do.   I do not have that emotional frenzied worry about the kids and if I am doing things right or wrong…

I don’t have the burden of trying to be the perfect mother.

The nice thing about Step-Parenting is, You support, help, motivate. I do a lot. I like doing it. I am altruistic by nature, so it comes to me naturally to give of myself.

People say it is hard. Yes it is hard, but if you just take a step back, and realize you do not need to take on the entire emotional parental burden on yourself, it makes your world a lot brighter.

You have a lot of responsibility but also don’t get all the cool rewards that the bio-parents get, it can be depressing. However, it’s a blessing too. Because at the end of the day – you can safely and with all justification, just walk away from a tense situation and remind yourself that your ultimate role is support, not control. You are not the one who is ultimately responsible for the kids.

So, does it suck when you do something amazing and the bio-parent gets all the hugs and kisses? Yes. Does it suck that your knowledge and experience is questioned, because parents know it all.. but you are just the bonus mom - or live in baby sitter.. –  Yes. 

Does Mother’s Day suck because everyone is apologetic towards you like: “don’t worry we really DO see you as a “MOM” – when you never asked to seen that way.. yes.

BUT – the greatest gift is this, you get to keep your sanity, and make your life how you want it. Because although your heart and soul is in love and dedicated to this blended family with all its challenges, it’s your right and privilege to say: “I am going out for a walk” – and not feel bad about it!

My hat off to Moms. My hat off to Step moms and foster moms, nannies and caregivers.

It’s one crazy job!

This new dimension that God has added to my life is exhilarating and it has shown me sides of my character that I would never otherwise have known.  I take it all in and hope that my calling is still in there somewhere.