[Step] Parenting
Well, I am sure NONE of you ever thought “Parenting” would
be a word associated with ME in any form.
Ok, back up a little. Many moons ago, I volunteered at the
children’s AIDS home in Roodepoort, called: “Door of Hope”.
Despite the skepticism in Africa surrounding AIDS, when a
mother gives birth to a baby and they are told the baby is HIV positive, a lot
of mothers just discard the babies.
“Door of hope” rescues these babies and cares for them. Unfortunately most of them don’t live past the ages of 2
or 5 years old. So, as a volunteer, you “adopt” a baby or two to care for. You
cannot take them home, because of their health, so you visit them, love them,
hug them and eventually bury them…. That is the sum of my parental experience.
I fell into this parental experience at what I consider
is a good age (kids, not me). The two kids attached to
my hot man, are at independent ages, yet not that independent that they are
assholes
(just yet).
It started off a little rocky. It is very tough to navigate your place in a blended family. The kids don't know how to view you really. I mean you are a stranger to them after all. You are not sure what your boundaries are. You are always either acting like you don't want to be involved, or you are too involved. In my position it constantly felt like the family looked at me like: “oh you don’t KNOW what to do?” pfft wtf, you retard.
Then when you assert
yourself a little, it’s a case of “who the hell is she, she isn’t the mother”
And when you decide: “Hooray I am NOT the mother, I can relax and do what I want" = they
are like what kind of step mother is that!
All the lines are blurry. And it is a constant lose-lose. One of my best friends in South Africa warned me about Step-parenting with this saying: "If you are prepared to take on all the responsibility but have none of the reward, then you are good. If you cant handle that.. then its not for you".
He was right.
I would spend endless nights exhausted helping with homework, cleaning, getting schedules ready, giving instructions, putting to bed etc.. only to have the kids run to their dad saying: " thank you and we love you" - As a step parent that is something you never hear - no matter how much you do for them. It is kind is a tough pill to swallow.
Now I just turn a blind eye / ear to the affection or appreciation. I realized that no matter what I do, I have to just do it realizing that the bio-parents will always get the credit. Even if they are dead beat idiots. It is not the reason we do it, but who wants to continue doing a thankless job with no appreciation whatsoever.
The people who have been taking care of the children since
birth are skeptical of you at every turn.
Parties are awkward.
Get togethers' are awkward
Mothers' Day is awkward
Bear in mind that I have been an independent gypsy soul my entire life.
It felt like I was expected to know everything about children, parenting and
family shit. And when I didn’t, I got the sideways look. It’s like you are
judged because you don’t know and you are judged because you tried to act like
you know. Lose-lose every time.
ALL my friends kept asking me why they hell I, with all I
have to offer and all I have done with my life, all the freedom and fun I have been having my whole life, would chose to parent some other
woman’s kids hahaha. Well, have you seen how cute my man is? No just kidding
that’s not it. Hahaha
I don’t think it was a conscious choice though, it just
happened as I developed a relationship with Robert. And one always imagines
that it will be part-time.. but we have the kids full time.
I had envisioned dealing with family / kid stuff every other week and having wild fun and romance every other week. #realitycheck!
It is great though.
I am learning a lot about myself. It is fun seeing kids learn things you
already know.. seeing their amazement at the world is fantastic. I am also learning how many more sides there are to me as a person to explore. The cool part is, yes I am very dedicated to my new family, but I DO have the "privilege" of walking out of the situation or just plain out the door if I want to get away. I guess moms don't have that luxury... And I also don't carry the emotional stress of the responsibility. Yes there is love, commitment and alot of hard work. But being a Step Parent has the benefit of going to sleep knowing that if the situation becomes crazy: "go ask your dad!!" :)
Fun things too, are like
experiencing it all over again, except with new appreciation [and technology].
I remember passing notes in school, having diaries that you try to hide from your parents. These days you have to work for CSI or the FBI and make sure they are not getting into any cyber trouble!
Yes, it is hard and one can’t just have
spontaneity, plus they can be assholes at times. But I have to say, I dig
it.
Oh, plus when people talk about all the shit that kids do.. I can be like
YEAH!! It sucks hahaha. I have something to complain about now too - good times.
The One with the
Celebrity and the PlayStation
I have met a lot of Celebrities in my life. Dated a few and become friends with a
few. Some stories I have are rather
funny. One that comes to mind is this one Celebrity whom we did detail for, called me in the middle of the night: “I need a play station in my room stat”…
There I am a little star struck and a little amused that it
is 11pm and I need to find a PlayStation. This wasn’t America with 24 hour
Walmart. This was Africa where all the stores close at 6pm. I called up all my friends and not one had a PlayStation handy! Sadly, I had to tell Mr.
Jackson, I could only get it in the morning.
He was not happy at all. I stood at his Hotel Suite door, which was half cracked so I could see inside the glimpse of what can only be described as Tsunami of designer shit everywhere. I felt bad for the cleaning people for one second.
I had to break the news of the PlayStation to an A-lister. That was when the imaginary glamour of my job dissipated....
Annoyed at the answer, he scratched his bald head turned around to grab something, shoved it in my hands and said: "Ok, can you get my
shoes shined for tomorrow?" Ah ha! (No lol).. [Remember, it is STILL 11pm] ....
I took the shoes because I didn’t have the
heart to tell him no twice. The shoe
shine guy had already left. Thankfully in South Africa, my house was in walking
distance of the hotel where all the Celebrities stayed. So, I took the shoes home,
black shoe polish, spit and a rag (yes, I spat on the shoes!) And went to town on those famous, stinky shoes.
I returned it promptly before informing the “detail” that I
was done for the night with my Celeb Assistant duties through my
earpiece. The next morning as soon as
the stores opened, I went and got a brand new PlayStation and delivered it to
the room. A huge smile enveloped his face like a little kid as he closed the door behind me. I chuckled to myself.
When it was time to escort him to the Airport
for his return home, I was amused to see all that had been left behind in the
room. From shoes, to watches, cologne that had been given as gifts. Score! I felt like a lucky Vulture. We took
it all and got a huge tip at the private jet awaiting him. I got everything one could imagine. But that PlayStation was clean GONE!
PS: This is STILL My job ---> all these years later:
