Seasonal Friendships

There was a time in my life when I believed friendships last forever. I am almost 42 years old, and I am only now starting to learn and realize that friends are not friends forever.   This does not meant that I don’t think you can have friendships that last for a very long time. But, in my life as a Gypsy, my friendships constantly evolve and change as does my life. And while certain people will always be in my life, they won’t always necessarily be an active part of it all the time, or have the same seat  -  if you will.

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. For the most part of my childhood I was very much a loner. Despite having 2 siblings, friends and a hoard of cousins, my life often felt alone. I was comfortable in my alone-ness. I had my dreams, my dolls and my relentless desires for greater things.

I am staggered and humbled by the human capacity for resilience. Even my own.  My childhood was rough. We all wish hard times never hit, but I am so perplexed by these feelings, because if it weren’t for some of these hard times, we would never be who we are today. It is one of life’s great mysteries.

I always found myself being much more comfortable in the company of a few select close friends.  3 seemed to be my lucky number.  I was always a fiercely loyal friend.  [I like to think I still am] And because I cared so much about what people thought of me > especially my friends liking me, I would go to extra lengths to show my friends how much they mean to me. The circle of 3 often shifted as I grew older.  Unfortunately, not everyone felt the same loyalty towards me, always leading to some sort of hurt.

My family of chance –

My mom  -my constant rock

My brother Clint, brother and constant friend

My younger brother and I struggled with a connection, but there was always a special love between us

My Family of Choice –

Early years

My very first group of friends consisted of Zunaid and Anneline. We sat together in First Grade. 

Instant hit. Anneline and I remained friends until around 7^th Grade when her parents moved out of town and she left the school.  Zunaid and I remained friends throughout our school years. Constant vacillation between loving and hating each other.

For most of High school I had the 3 friends. Sharlene, Lian and Tash.  Sharlene and Lian and I were in the same class for most of it – Tash was in a lower grade and our friendship largely consisted at home. She had her own group at school and our lives parted and crossed, intertwined in the early years.

All of those friendships fizzled and faded when I got married. I think that is probably the norm.  when you meet the love of your life, you move in different directions. You start working, meet friends at work, hang out with mutual friends etc.

I made so many great friends, in College, at work, at the race track, through Craig.. but at every stage and age there are a few friendships that chose to steal a very special place with me.

David Hoff – Part of a mutual group – we just seemed to understand each other.  He was not only my teacher (literally), but he became my sanity.  Sadness clouded a lot of that friendship as he lost his wife in divorce and then shortly after the divorce, she died of cancer. One day when the pain of it is not so much to bear, I will write about her.  About that time in my life.  During this same time, I was making my transition to the USA and when I went home, I reconnected with David, I shared with him that my Marriage, too, was in a difficult place, and because we supported each other, we got accused of committing adultery with each other – by no other than close “church friends”. 
This was another blow.

One of my accusers, I went above and beyond for, in ways, I cannot even explain. Also, a story for another post!

This experience opened my eyes to the reality (or disillusionment – however you may view it) that you never know who your real friends are.  David and I are still friends. He is married with 2 Step-Sons 12 and 8 and I am married with 2 Step-daughters 12 and 8. How freaky!  We share our joys and pains!

Maybe that is just the nature of growing up. As a child, friendships are simple and basic.

As we grow older, so many more dynamics come into play.

Lian, after high school never really spoke to me again, nor sought any kind of continued friendship. Tash and I as we had in school, came in and out of each other's lives and today - we are in. We chat on Whatsapp and on the phone. friendship from afar.

Sharlene and I, we had ghost town between us until August last year and although we missed so many years of each others' lives, it feels like destiny that we now do daily life together and it is awesome!

Some friendships have remained constant - even with the oceans of separation, Ingrid has remained my best friend.

I wont say that I am disillusioned, lets just say I learnt a lot. My heart no longer sits on my sleeve and I realize that people come for a season and then leave .. and you have to accept and embrace it all.

In my face-face friendships, I have the two Jody's and Nicole.  A few other acquaintances and that is about all I have time for.

Scott became a close friend when I was living out in Colorado also. Very dependable person and loyal friend. Our friendship has fizzled, but good memories and good to know there are genuinely good people on this planet.

My husband, becoming one as we become best friends.

Now how did all this happen, you ask?

Well, remember back in August when I got engaged? Well, we did not stay engaged. Our life quickly  moved towards what made sense. We had a small backyard wedding and it was nothing short of magical and one of the happiest days of my life.

That is all I will post about the wedding, I am not sure why, but I have been relentlessly private about it.. and will continue to do so, until I am over it! ha ha