This year has taken its toll on me in every way possible.
I am at the cusp of another year. You all know me... I begin and end every year with something. There is so much to say.
I have known pain.. but never knew the pain of rejection could hurt so much and call every part of my soul to order.
When I lost the job I loved, it hurt. But I navigated and found a new job really quickly. It took time to process. It was a first for me.
When I encountered the pain of rejection from a someone whom I cared so deeply for, loved as my own. Given my whole heart, my resources, my life basically.. It took my breath away and a part of my heart when she proverbially kicked sand in my face.
Now, it is time to move on. I will be raw in this post.
I gave myself away to everyone in my life. With that went my beauty and my health. I am not vain to think I didn't just age naturally. But I allowed life and the stress of my life to just cause me to eat and drink and not take care of myself. You do that for a year.. and this is what you have....
But I am ready now. I am ready to face myself. I spoke with God abundantly. ...
And together we are defeating this me that has taken over. With the hard work. Yep. Not the easy stuff, not the fads and the crashes.
I have seen my soul and I have seen my body, and I am switching the one for the other... I have had an honest conversation about anything I have said and done this year that contributed to my misfortune and repented and wondered and stood amazed and been dazed and confused.
Now its time for clarity... Perfection vision..
Starting to turn the love into myself and with the help of the Almighty.. making things new.
time for 20/20 as it were.
From the inside out...
New Year poem, by Delise ...
I still think of you..
When I retreat to the corners of my memories
half of it desolate ravaged by regret
the other half lush with playful, beautiful memories made
in the middle..
there you are
Your smile, how it twists at the corners when you smile
with boyish wonder in your eyes
you speak with clarity and your words
they bury into ever inch of my soul
You're embedded
you're gone
she is there, holding you
No envy here
I look with love
it was me who walked away
from how you touched my face with a begging pondering
it was you who touched my heart with girlish wonderland
the way you took my hand and look down onto the top of my head
where did you go> Wilderness I need to know
Lush Amazon, burning down
my heart sinks
I hear cries of pain as the earth groans of man's abuse
my memories are the same
today out of the ashes, I can hear my own soul groan
yearn for more
yearn for me
yearn for new
Goodbye my love
goodbye my friend..
Love made me new.
