Catching up. Phew, where do I begin....

I will work backwards. I haven't edited this since 2020, so I will leave it to read in "Real-Time" and work on it from there.

August, 17th, 2020

Today marks almost 2 weeks since I was hit by a car... I am in the process of recovery and honestly this post in itself is very hard to process and write about... 

We are in the midst of unprecedented weirdness on this planet. January started off so well.  Following months of family struggle with a runaway teen .. I quit my job with Cintana for no other reason, than I just didn't feel that feeling of belonging. I found a job at Iron Mountain.. back at the "new" IO - I guess the "old" place with all the familiar faces felt like a homecoming, I was so happy. I was also nervous as the events of the last year had shaken my confidence quite a bit.

The job started and It was tough, but I knew I was in the right place, so my smile slowly started returning...

March 2020 - COVID hit, and we all started working from home. People were running around the stores grabbing all the noodles and toilet paper in sight, it was disgusting.  COVID brought with it, all of us at home.. all-the-time.. but  This situation brought such healing to our family and happiness returned to my life. It was at the tail-end of Azalea's running away and being stuck at home actually knit us together again as a family.

It was a warm spring day - as COVID had us all scrambling to do a lot of nothing. I started walking every day in the April Arizona Sun - which is always just the perfect temperature . with Airpods in ear, listening to Jake Gyllenhaal and Tom Sturridge narrate their play: "Seawall / A life" I would smile at strangers, while my mind was in the play. I felt like I was a part of it, a group of friends telling a story together. I took a call or two and sent a voice note or too. I felt alive. 

That morning, May 17th 2020 at 8am,  I took a picture of a little bird nest on my way back home with Starbucks cup in hand. Played a little Pokemon. I was elated and energized with life. Was life perfect? - no. But I was starting on a personal journey to lose the 15lbs I had gained, and I wanted to walk about 8 miles everyday to get started:

I stopped at the crosswalk on Thomas and Power road, like I do everyday.  With phone in hand, just after listening to an inspiring voice note from my friend, Sharlene, I pushed the pedestrian light and waited. 

It turned green for me - I looked both ways as my mamma taught me,  an proceeded to cross. I decided to put my phone in the pouch I had around my waist, so I could enjoy the last stretch of my walk looking at my surroundings, as I opened my pouch and put my phone inside, I felt a bang. I didn't know what had happened, in my mind I thought, Did I walk into a pole? did I trip and fall? Everything went black.

When I came to, I was so fuzzy headed, there was a man standing over me asking me if I could get up. I kind of tried, but my whole body felt stiff. I looked around and there were cars on all sides of me, and a lot of people talking. 

The police officer who was on the scene crouched down and asked me for my name and insurance information, thankfully I always have that information on me. For some reason I started to cry. I felt a pain in my left shoulder and everything on my left side was stiff, stuck in place. i started to panic and asked people for me phone. The grey -haired man found it underneath the car that had hit me. The police officer asked if I could get up and I told him that I could not move. I started feeling hysterical and started crying. I  tried calling Robert - I called twice, it went to voicemail.

Side note: (Robert said he had answered the phone both times and I didn't say anything, and kept just hanging up, but he heard a lot of noise and commotion and knew something was wrong).

I finally got a hold of him and told him where I was and what had happened.  He came on the scene within about 10 minutes. As I saw him walk up to me through the crowd, I broke down and started crying hysterically, telling him not to touch me, my whole body started hurting, I touched my head where it hurt and my hand was full of blood. The police officer told us the Fire Department EMT was on their way shortly and proceeded to talk with the police officer. I could feel the sun burning down on my face. Within what felt to me like a few minutes, the EMT was there and I think I passed out again for a minute, I closed my eyes and I could feel the EMT asking me a few questions. They put a neck support on me and rolled me onto the spinal board and hoisted me up in to the Ambulance. It was red.

Inside the ambulance, they were frantically cutting off my clothing while asking questions. everything to me seems quiet, but yet frantic.  I mumbled and talked a lot - I have no idea what I was saying. All of a sudden a there were these bright lights. it ), as quiet except for the medics talking to each other. I heard one say: "damn, we will have to wait in the hall to get cleared due to COVID". Another said:" I think her shoulder is broken, we need to get to x-ray".  Then we started moving again. I opened my eyes and closed them again a few times. One guy who sounded amusingly like "Mommy-says" from TikTok (you will need to go look him up, its hilarious. Said to me: "Sweetie, we are taking you to X-ray, do you know what happened?" I told him an old lady hit me with her car, his response was: 'oh my God, that sucks, well, we put your fanny pack in a safe place honey and we will take you to X-ray"- To which I replied: "it is not a fanny pack, it is a dog-training pouch" - he said: "did you have your doggie with you?" - me: "no". He replied with a slight snide chuckle:" Then it's a fanny pack darling" - i smiled. Every thing hurt. I assumed I was already pumped full of morphine, because I started to feel nothing and then I went to sleep. I could kind of feel then turning, moving and shifting from all places until eventually everything was calm. I opened my eyes and I was in a bed between two hospital curtains, on drips.

My Horrific Hospital Experience and Banner Hospital

When I was properly conscious but in no pain at all, the police officer was standing beside me, trying to tell me that the old lady is just beside herself with worry and that I should probably not sue her, since I was on my phone.. I told the officer, he needed to talk to my husband. My husband was not allowed at the hospital due to COVID policies. While this was happening, a nurse and two other people were putting staples in my head. Once all the commotion was over, it was dead quiet. I could hear the medic staff talking. but nothing else. I was the only person there.

After about an hour, I needed to pee, and called out .. no one came for at least 15 minutes, I had only a gown on - they had removed all my clothing.  Eventually the nurse came in and said: "what?" I said: " I really need to pee" she brought a bed pan and handed it to me and when I told her, I cant move, she rolled her eyes and said, well you have no broken bones and you can't stay here because of COVID, You will be leaving within an hour. She shoved the bed-pan underneath me and stood there staring at me.  I tried to relieve myself even though my bladder was full, it was painful. She asked me twice: "are you done" - eventually after what felt like a humiliating eternity, I was done and she pulled the bed pan from underneath me, pee drops everywhere. 

Another nurse came in and said, ok how do you feel. I said "well not great" _ went in and out of consciousness, I was s drugged up. they handed me my phone and said call your husband he needs to pick you up in an hour.  I called him and he was shocked and said he was on his way.  However, they immediately brought a wheelchair, barely helped me get in it, and wheeled me outside the front of the Emergency room pick up area.  It was May, It was about 2pm. It was hot. I sat in the wheel chair, head bobbing from side to side, from being on morphine, with a bag of pills, a discharge sheet, in a barely covering hospital gown, in the hot sun. It took my husband and kids about 30 minutes to get to me and my husband was not only horrified at how they had left me, he was beyond angry.

The rest of the recovery story I will fast forward through. it was horrific, painful, humiliating, and soul crushing for many-many reasons.

That accident, for two years of my life set me back in ways I cannot even begin to explain, physically and psychologically. I gained 25lbs and became what I would later jokingly term a "low-key"_ alcoholic.

However, the rest of COVID into 2021 and beyond has a lot of happy stories too. I will share those and the horror ones in weeks to come, as I finally sit here again in my kitchen able to get words out of me head into my Blog.

I love you all.

I have missed you, but for what its worth.. I am baaaaaack bitches!!!